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coping with friends and family's reactions to news that ds might have aspergers and dyspraxia.

(3 Posts)
lexiwest Thu 05-Jul-07 12:19:23

not used to mumsnet but sister in law uses it and said i would get lots of support from you all out there who are going through similar!
Ds is just 5 and has had school observation which results of imply that we will be heading towards a diagnosis of aspergers and dyspraxia. Obviously no parent wants to hear that their child is not quite the same as other children therefore I am a mix of emotions at the mo. It would explain so much about my ds as he ticks lots of the boxes for the conditions. What I am feeling shocked about is the reactions from friends and family. outside school yesturday and today I felt that those who normally talk to me were avoiding me (i understand they feel probably dont know what they should say to me) I have also last year had to divorce my husband due to his violent and controlling behaviour (he probably has un diagnosed aspergers and doent think anything is wrong with ds!) so really feel sensitive and just want my friends to treat me as they had just days before - as a normall person!
has anyone else had this avoidance from friends? I would also love to know more about aspergers and dyspraxia .

plowder Thu 05-Jul-07 23:30:53

My ds isnt on the spectrum but he has cerebral palsy, I know what you mean about friends reaction, I think what you have to think is if they are so unsupportive then they are not people you truly want as friends, but maybe they are scared of how to react to you. DH is quite adement that the only people that matter in DS life ae those who live in our house, although we are lucky that my parents and DP mam are ok with ds they show their love and help him, dp dad is truly thick I have never met anyone so stupid! and both DH bil and mine are nether very good with ds cp, to the point that dp bil will not even look at or interact with ds at all. F* em all is what we say.
Good luck,and take one day at a time.
ps. sorry about the spelling I have been sewing all night, and I am tired.

titch2 Fri 06-Jul-07 19:22:52

Poor you! What a hard time this is. First of all - the diagnosis is not everything - your son is still your wonderful little boy. He has not changed.The diagnosis may change as he develops - he is still so little. As regards your friends - I remember an aquaintance of mine when I told her about our son's diagnosis of borderline Aspergers - asking "How did he get that then?" - I had to bite back my response which was along the lines of - "off the toilet seat at Asda"!!!!!!!You have to start working out your true friends from the fairweather friends. Don't ditch the fairweather friends just keep them for when things are going well! Your true friends should be able to cope with you when you need to talk or cry - and when you want to party! ( you will party again!)

One other thing - Aspies are so different - one from another. Alot of the books paint a very gloomy picture and it is not always going to follow that that is your son's future. Get used to thinking outside the box - talk to the school and tell them why your son behaves as he does - on a daily basis if necessary. Ask for all the OT and other therapies you can get - use every social situation as a social skills lesson for your son - find parents who are happy for you to use their children as living examples of friendships and how they work - before you know it your son will be building up relationships and finding his way in this muddled up world. Play to his strengths and praise all the progress you see - others may not notice it. I'll stop rambling now - in the old days your son would probaly not had a diagnosis - the label should enable help for you all - not stigma.....Be strong...Titch.

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