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Need some warrior mum support , am in tears

(14 Posts)
brillopants Tue 28-Nov-17 16:52:38

Dd 6 v disregulated, she's refused to dress and has been naked all day.

i have to homeschool her 2 days a week as she's not coping at school. it started well with her drawing and painting but as soon as events happen that she can't control she screams and melts down, friend visits she refused to come down, tries to make me stand in a certain way, nothing I do is right. Then after asking and asking her to dress she wees on sofa and I am tired and poorly and I lose it and shout and throw the cushions and then cry and say I can't do it I feel like my life is over, she is still screaming and growling and destroying things whilst I hide upstairs. This can't be my sweet little baby that I brought home 6 years ago. I am so sad and I can't get any help. Cahms have refused us 3 times

I have fought the good fight, but I am at the end of my capabilities. It takes superhuman strength to get through the day. And I am just human.

Please tell me your struggles and how you keep yourself sane. It's the tedium I hate too, I am an intelligent educated woman and all my energy is on this as a lone parent.

brillopants Tue 28-Nov-17 16:54:21

I've spent a good part of the day up in my room whilst she screams and wees on things, destroys stuff, then tries to get me down by shouting she's hurt herself and bleeding when she hasn't. I respond caringly but then she starts controlling/ screaming kicking me again. I'm so tired.

brillopants Tue 28-Nov-17 16:55:34

She has a high reading age, would be a very able student if she didn't have this stuff going on.

firecracker20 Tue 28-Nov-17 18:09:37

Hi lovely, just think how amazing you have been to get through the day. Tomorrow might be better.

I have a similar situation with my 7yo. What background does she have? Any diagnosis?

I can see in ds that the dis regulated reactions are down to total distress that he can't control in any other way. It's awful. He's just kicked me and thrown something at my face. Luckily he calmed quickly this time and undid the damage. Won't be the same next time.

I feel completely unsupported, no diagnosis, no agency to help and no clue what to do. I fully sympathise xxx

brillopants Tue 28-Nov-17 18:32:40

No diagnosis here either. Yes, we got through the day. I feel so on my own,
Why is it the most vulnerable and important people in society- children, the next generation- have no resources or support? It's madness ( literally, atm).

Dd has conked out after a 2 hour marathon meltdown, including rolling around in her own wee. 😞

firecracker20 Tue 28-Nov-17 18:36:06

It sounds very similar to here although not quite as severe. Ds has these epic meltdowns due to not getting his own way / lack of control and it seems to be fear and distress underneath it all. We highly suspect ASD but all services take so long to get involved.

He's not coping in school and has been signed off at the moment. Has your dd been de registered from school or is she there part time?

brillopants Tue 28-Nov-17 18:51:11

Sounds similar to us. she's part time at school at the moment. The first week she was so happy and relaxed, though I kept her world very small. Her behaviour deteriorates after visiting her dad ( abusive).

Got a paediatrician referral but as you say everything takes so damn long.

firecracker20 Wed 29-Nov-17 19:52:02

Hi brillopants - just wondering how you are today? Hope today was kinder and you are feeling better xx

Ceto Wed 29-Nov-17 23:13:05

Does she have an EHCP, and have you asked for a social services care assessment?

brillopants Wed 29-Nov-17 23:21:07

Hi, we had a better day but a big meltdown at the end. I kept it low key and low expectational. She was happy most of the day. Thankyou.

No I haven't asked for a social services care assessment. It's all so new to me. No EHCP . Don't we need some sort of official diagnosis first? I have been convinced it was trauma based attachment disorder. But asd, pda, and adhd could be possibilities.

Ceto Wed 29-Nov-17 23:25:19

No, you don't have to have a diagnosis before applying for an EHCP. The criteria for assessment, which is the first stage of the process, are simply that she has or may have SEN, and she may need support through an EHCP. If she cannot even cope in school full time, I'd say she meets both criteria very easily. There's information about how to apply here - www.ipsea.org.uk/what-you-need-to-know/ehc-needs-assessments/asking-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment

If you want help from social services, write to the Children's Team and ask them for a care assessment under s17 Children Act 1989, explaining the difficulties you are having.

Msqueen33 Thu 30-Nov-17 13:01:05

I have a 7 and nearly 5 year old both with asd and ADHD. Both have ehcps. My youngest is very controlling and has a lot of meltdowns. My 7 year old did when she was younger but not so much now. How is she with routine? My youngest needs routine and repetition to feel calm. Also have a look at a sensory diet. Lots of climbing, pushing, pulling and heavy work to help her sensory system. Also I’d look at school and what they have in place. Visual timetables, warnings of changes so time to process. Also I’d look at your councils local offer and that might provide access to Specialist teams and no diagnosis needed for an ehcp. My youngest was diagnosed before she had her ehcp. My older one wasn’t. Good luck. It’s bloody hard and some days I think if this was a job I’d quit.

My youngest aside from school won’t be left with anyone but me. She is only allowed into sch for two hours a day but has full funding. Has issues around clothing, is non verbal and can scream blue murder. For instance at night she likes all the lights off. So it can often be dinner in the dark.

firecracker20 Thu 30-Nov-17 19:49:00

Hey, just checking in again - how are things for you both today?

We’ve had a very variable day. No major meltdowns but a lot of near misses. I’m exhausted and fed up of this ground hog day life.

brillopants Thu 30-Nov-17 22:06:03

Hey. Glad you missed the full on meltdowns fire. I know what you mean about Groundhog Day. I feel trapped at the moment. We used to be able to go on outings- museum, library , soft play. Now it is too hard going.
I had a pretty ok day, dd wouldn't change out of the pyjamas she'd worn the last 3 days. I hate that it looks like I'm not looking after her. She went to school like that.

Thanks for the info ms. They have a visual timetable at school, but her anxiety has been through the roof this week. Interesting about the sensory stuff- she climbs the door frames and pulls and pushes against me or her aunt, stretches her clothes to tearing point, presses and squashes us,somersaults off us .

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