'Attachment' difficulties(1 Post)
Ever the professional, and ever the mum!!! I feel a need to vent.
We have 5 children. 3 are adopted with my second husband.
To cut a very long story short I work as a professional supporting children and parents as an educational psychologist.
I'm getting incredibly sick of parents who want schools to put attachment theory strategies into place. They are, trust me.
In the last 8 or so years when attachment has really started to take flight, I have always seen positive relationships being formed within the classroom, and above all, strict behaviour expectations being set, with a focus on the reparative conversation after.
Firstly- parents need to consider that their adoptive child might not have attachment difficulties. This is a diagnosed condition. If your child is experiencing behavioural difficulties, generally they need more boundaries and support with behaviour.
I spoke to an 'attachment expert' this week who told me that it's all about the language that teachers use. I challenged her about the language used by the other children- "you're works stupid" "my mum said..." "tidy up or we won't get a merit on this table" etc etc and she completely agreed that children cannot be shielded from this.
They are part of the classroom and should be treated as all their other children are, with some flexibility. As would a child with autism or any other difficulty.
The general idea I have gathered meeting 8 parents over the last 3 weeks is that their child CANNOT be reprimanded. Total rubbish.
Again, schools want your child to do well. A teacher is not going to want your child to be running around screaming and kicking so they will act to improve that.
Children with attachment difficulties (if that's what they have) long be belong.
Treating them differently stands out. It will even if we don't announce it, and it will even if we do through social stories etc.
Sharing books about their past and why they feel like they do, and building memory boxes will work. But not instantly. Let them be children. Seek possible therapy but above all let them be children.
School is school. Home is home. Children feel secure in both, but generally mixing the two is not a good idea.
Being naughty is also normal!!! It doesn't mean it's because the child was adopted- my J was a terror when he was younger (7/8). He was shouted at by the headteacher, he missed playtimes, at secondary school he was suspended for selling the schools own software CDs!!!
But... he returned to school, felt a part of school and had now completed his HND. So proud.
I'm not saying it's easy. Im just saying let them belong without expecting so much difference- they will hate it.
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