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DS is struggling and so am I

(5 Posts)
Besidetheseaside76 Sun 08-Oct-17 15:31:17

My DS is yr 10, has ASD and has recently been diagnosed by camhs with depression and anxiety. He left his 1st Secondary School due to bullying and we Home Ed’d for 2 months ish, then DS decided he would like to try another Secondary School. He has been there around 6 months and is being bullied again, has been assaulted by other pupils, has no friends, struggles with lessons and some teachers. DS is currently off school on GP advice and we are considering Home Ed again because really there seems to be no other option. DS feels suicidal when at school and I feel like we made such a huge mistake in trying another school as it has almost broken him. I am feeling very low myself at the moment and so worried about the future. I’m not really sure what I’m asking for advice on, but any words of wisdom would be appreciated. DS was diagnosed 5 years ago and I thought I was coping well but really feel at the moment that I am grieving for the life he hasn’t had and the way things have turned out. Sorry for the moan, feeling sorry for DS and myself.

DrJLee Sun 08-Oct-17 21:24:24

Has your DS got additional support in place?
You could try a 'deal'- part at home and part in school? Important for both to happen; being settled AND mixing with peers, where appropriate.

Besidetheseaside76 Sun 08-Oct-17 23:49:48

No additional support as such because school don’t really recognise that there is a problem or if there is a problem it is in DS’s imagination. They say it is hard to believe that the problems he describes are happening. After the last incident of bullying we had a meeting and I also highlighted (again) how he was struggling in classes. I have asked for him to be able to drop the number of gcse subjects from 10 to 8 to reduce the pressure but school have refused. They have let him change one of his option subjects but it’s not enough. Mixing with peers is the main problem, he is drawn on, bruised, laughed at, insulted, called names, told to kill himself by many of his peers, they seem to sense his vulnerability and he feels like he has become the school joke. School had to acknowledge the physical stuff because there was evidence (bruising, spat on, cctv footage) but say the verbal abuse isn’t happening and we can’t prove it. Camhs/GP say it undoubtedly is happening and that School is the cause of his anxiety and that School need to deal with it and we are caught in the middle.

DrJLee Mon 09-Oct-17 18:39:43

Ultimately you may need to change schools.

It really does confuse me though as there is no 'benefit' for them to deny it is happening. They gain nothing from it happening, and ultimately someone external may view it happening.

You could ask if there is a council Autism Team, or if the school feel the educational psychhologist could offer any advice around social needs?

Just a thought smile

phasma Tue 10-Oct-17 14:50:21

I'm so sorry to hear this is happening.

I worked in a secondary school for 15 years and know for a fact kids behave like this to their peers.

School have a duty to provide education for your child, whether that is on school site or at home as an "Alternative Provision"

They can issue a part-time timetable, provide a home tutor, a local library is a good neutral place for this to happen, a college course or work experience-the last two are age dependent due to insurance and college criteria.

Don't let school pressurise your son into taking all of the GCSEs, just because he's entered it doesn't mean he has to sit them all.

Often schools only think about attendance and results data so won't suggest other options.

Good luck

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