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Private school doesn't want ds

(28 Posts)
DorothyL Sat 01-Oct-16 13:03:04

Once the "senco" heard about what his needs are she suggested this might not be the school for him...
Weird and slightly upsetting feeling but hey ho

LIZS Sat 01-Oct-16 13:05:06

Not unusual and better than being asked to leave or "managed out".

imjessie Sat 01-Oct-16 13:07:18

I'm not surprised to be honest , don't they choose their students ? !

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Sat 01-Oct-16 13:09:31

I'm really sorry if you're disappointed, but honestly, best they tell you now.

Funnily enough I was just reading a thread in local where a poster is talking about a private school assessment to another poster and she said 'the assessment was just a chat to check she didn't have any SN they couldn't support' And not one of the posters talking about assessments has picked up on it - I guess it's just how it is. You pay your money, you take your choice - as long as you don't have SN angry

I think you've had a lucky escape flowers

minipie Sat 01-Oct-16 13:12:06

Sorry to hear that. I have a child with some SN and everything I've read says state schools are better for SN and most private schools are not great - with a few exceptions. We are going private for DD nonetheless (as we are in a state catchment black hole) but have chosen the school veerrry carefully - for example it's not selective - and are crossing our fingers that her needs turn out to be mild. May I ask whereabouts you are? Are there other schools that might be more welcoming?

Bekksy Sat 01-Oct-16 13:14:44

Don't be upset. Thank your lucky stars and put your child in a state school where they will get suitable support.

hmcAsWas Sat 01-Oct-16 13:19:26

My dd has dyslexia - her private school took her and she has thrived there. It was a great choice for her, I get a highly personalised and responsive service if there are any issues, and the class sizes are tiny (12 students)....However the same school did turn down the son of my friend - he has global delay. Friend tried a couple of other private schools in the area with the same outcome. He has just started Y7 in a local state school and by all accounts he has settled in well and they are happy.

hmcAsWas Sat 01-Oct-16 13:20:55

"Don't be upset. Thank your lucky stars and put your child in a state school where they will get suitable support"

Massive and inaccurate generalisation. Dd's state primary school were utterly shit at supporting her. Things hugely improved when she want to and independent school in Y7

hmcAsWas Sat 01-Oct-16 13:23:10

'was' blush

notagiraffe Sat 01-Oct-16 13:23:57

It can depend on the SEN. They seem more amenable if the SEN doesn't impact too much on academic work. That said, DS2 is at a very academic independent school, and though he is bright enough to be there, his SEN pull down his marks in exams to barely a pass rate. There has never been a suggestion that he needs to move on, only unstinting support and encouragement. I love his school.

Usernamealreadyexists Sat 01-Oct-16 14:28:03

We are facing a dilemma about to do. Ds is at a small private. He has HFA and I thought small class sizes is what he needs. Unfortunately the school isn't geared up for his needs and unless support is put in place, he will suffer there. I am having to spoon feed staff about why he behaves in particular ways and it's distressing and I feel very pressured. I know the state schools around me have very good SEN support but if he's struggling in a small class with sensory issues, he won't have a chance in a larger class. It must be heartbreaking for you but it's good they are being honest. Senco provision in our school is laughable. I really have no support. Good luck - see it as a blessing.

DorothyL Sat 01-Oct-16 17:04:52

Thanks all.

State secondary sen dept was very welcoming this week. I just really liked the sound of the small classes!

Usernamealreadyexists Sat 01-Oct-16 18:56:57

For us, small classes haven't been worth the 15k we are forking out. I get the impression he's treated NDT viewed by staff as a pain in the backside. It's painful without support. Use the money you are saving on fees for support for your child. At least he will be in a school where he is wanted.

Usernamealreadyexists Sat 01-Oct-16 18:57:27

*and not NDT

Muddledmike Tue 04-Oct-16 12:27:02

Been there. Most I've contacted haven't even let us view!

Fairylea Tue 04-Oct-16 12:29:50

Private schools are well known on the whole for being dreadful for pupils with sen. Thank goodness you found out before you enrolled your child.

insan1tyscartching Tue 04-Oct-16 12:53:35

Dsil pulled dn out of state school when they wanted to get an ed psych in to see him. Put him into independent school where they kept him but didn't necessarily address his difficulties (almost certain he has ASD/ dyspraxia and other co morbids) He was very isolated throughout, few peers so even fewer opportunities for friendships, bottom of the year every year which destroyed him.
He managed mediocre GCSEs unbelievably though, whether dsil was deluded or whether the school hadn't been open about dn's abilities, dsil trawled him round RG unis and was planning for him to go to St Andrews after A levels. He barely scraped an A2 pass all for £15k pa.
Dn would undoubtedly have had more support in state school, his first school was very anxious to call in Ed Psych and refer to health services and get him support but sil scuppered all that because she sees any sort of learning difficulty as something shameful and the independent school babysat him rather than enabled him.

user1466518624 Tue 04-Oct-16 13:51:38

You poor thing, I have every sympathy as my ds had his Reception place withdrawn in May. We have put him state but to be honest the support does not exist. Through threads here I have found a lovely indie that is very welcoming but they don't really advertise it as ultimately it is a mainstream school. I am happy to give it a shot as other mumsnetters in similar circumstances are very positive and they do have a small specialist unit if it is needed for extra help. Whereabouts are you? If you don't want to say feel free to pm and I may be able to point you in the right direction. The schools are out there but have to be seeked out.

JosephineMaynard Tue 04-Oct-16 14:02:25

It's shame, but better they tell you now, before he starts.

I have a friend with a reception age child with SN - private school were made aware of the child's needs, said they could manage them fine. The parents have now been asked to remove the child because the school have decided that actually, they can't manage.

It's not even half term yet. And with so many state primary schools nearby being oversubscribed, this is really going to damage the child's chances of getting into a state primary school that can meet their needs.

DorothyL Wed 05-Oct-16 07:01:12

Muddledmike that's atrocious!

I'm in Gloucestershire if anyone knows anything for the area.

Redlocks28 Wed 05-Oct-16 07:13:47

The private schools here will reluctantly take/keep children with SEN but will make it clear that the child needs a 1:1 TA. Paid for by the parents...!

Ohmuther Wed 05-Oct-16 10:25:23

A friends DS (15) with HFA is thriving in a state secondary with really good SEN support. They have break out small group teaching and lunch and break support. I think it's all about how clued up and proactive the SENCO is. You need them on side. Good luck flowers

Usernamealreadyexists Wed 05-Oct-16 13:13:18

Feeling really very sad reading this thread.
Insan - ds is 5 and this is exactly what I want to avoid. Poor boy.
User146 - please could you pm the names of any HFA friendly schools?
I went to visit Abingdon House in London(special indie). I could just see how ds would be understood and his needs met and how his current setting won't work in the long run.

I am setting up a support group with another mum for parents with SEN. We will hold a coffee morning in C London in November. Please pm me if you are interested in joining us.

Usernamealreadyexists Wed 05-Oct-16 13:52:52

Also, don't underestimate how mean-spirited other parents can be. There was a mother canvassing opinions at the school gate about a particular child in my ds's class. It is utterly cruel. The poor mother found out and is devastated. They are very sensitive to the value of their fees being eroded by the presence of a high-needs child. They also said other child should be in a school that can meet his needs rather than the school should support him. I know a day will come when they will do the same to my child.

zzzzz Wed 05-Oct-16 13:58:16

I moved mine from prep to state and it was the BEST thing I could ever have done for him and our family.
There are lots of tiny rural schools if you lookwink

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