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Does this ever get any easier?

(4 Posts)
grumpmitchell Fri 30-Sep-16 18:40:06

DS1 (13) had a dx of aspergers at the beginning of this year. I have always been the one who has made best sense of him and been able to understand him best. I have always felt as though I'm his 'safe place', if that makes sense?

But recently I feel as though I'm doing a terrible job. He's so angry often and I just can't predict when things will get to him or when he'll be able to brush things off. He's literally just had an upset as his brother got delivered the wrong pizza - not him, his brother!

I'm so tired of being careful and trying to keep everything on an even keel. I try so hard and I just feel as though I'm getting worse at this rather than better.

I know it's an age thing too, not just the ASD but please can anyone tell me anything positive or give me any tips? I'm drowning here.

1tsonlyme Sat 01-Oct-16 22:21:06

My DS3 who is 11 has ASD he also gets very angry and distressed when things are not as they should be. I sometimes just have to leave him to calm down by himself, as long as he isn't trying to break things or hurting anyone else. I also can't always predict what he will react to its just so up and down at the moment.
I think a lot of us feel the same way that it's the never ending being on guard, second guessing and being two steps ahead of every situation that makes you feel you are drowning.
Sometimes i can't do anything and have to let it play out. I do however talk with him when he is calm to try to help him understand what happened and hopefully try to give him a coping mechanism if it happens again, but that is very hit and miss at the moment. Sorry I can't be more help

grumpmitchell Sun 02-Oct-16 07:07:32

Please don't think that you're not helping, it's good to hear other people's strategies and know that I'm not the only one!

There's nobody to talk to to about it in RL and I've only recently recognised the value of giving him space to get over things. Previously I've always thought that he needs 'comfort' if he's angry but now I know that's not right for him.

Sometimes it's just so exhausting trying to keep things on an even keel.

1tsonlyme Sun 02-Oct-16 21:52:09

Yes I did the comfort thing too because that's what I thought he needed, like my other children would have. I think it was too much contact and it wasn't initiated by him. I only tend to interfere physically if he is breaking things or hurting some one. I use a firm voice and try to make it emotionless and not a lot of words eg calm down, go upstairs, speak to me when you are calm. I also just hold my hand up as in a stop motion as sometimes he is so wound up he wouldn't listen to words and so he doesn't get into a verbal shouting and screaming match with me, he will however shout and scream going upstairs.
A talk can happen later as he needs to know that having ASD doesn't mean you can break things or hurt someone.
You are defiantely not the only one and it is exhausting as there is no break from it you are on your guard all the time as anything could set them off.
It took five years for mine to get a diagnosis of ASD ( he also has other issues) which came last October, I still feel shell shocked from that.
Also he is now home educated as he as he wouldn't go near school after his trusted TA was put in another class when he went in to year three.

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