Could my dd have behaviour problems?(18 Posts)
Where to start......
My dd5 (year1) has been having trouble managing her behaviour at school. This has been a problem since nursery. In reception, the reacher was able to manage this and bring her back to level. Now in year 1 they are struggling to the point they do not know how much they can take. I've had to pick her up from the classroom rather than the playground due to her uncontrollable behaviour. I've had several meetings where they have now put a star chart in place which she is rewarded each hour that she is well behaved or even if she does misbehaves in that hour but turns herself around she will still earn her sticker.
Yesterday morning when I dropped her off to school they asked me to come for a meeting with the class teacher 0 notice. The behaviour policy was explained and i was told I may be getting a call to collect her from school if her behaviour continued that day. No call meant I thought she had a semi good day. Too my horror I was wrong. Upon arrival I was escorted to the head teacher where my dd was running around. Another meeting was held with him in which my dd had been hitting and throwing Pencils at the teacher. They have again mentioned I may have to pick her up next week, exclusion and also if the teacher does not want to be in the same room as her or any teacher because they don't feel safe then he has to respect their last wishes. His last response was that she will be better in a special school and they are going to sort out for a education psychological assessment.
I just don't understand why she is like this. She is nothing like this at home. Can be challenging and sometimes you need to repeat things a few times. I can just see next week is going to be hell and I don't have the time to be up and down the school. My dd does not understand why she behaves like that when asked and she does not always acknowledge it. I also think the jump from reception to year 1 has been hard as it's mainly sitting down based. Academically she is very bright. Not the brightest but she is very able to do the work given. A ta mentioned they think the work is not challenging enough. Her attention span is very short.
Can the school just chuck her out. Who's choice is it to send my dd to a special school surely not the head teacher.
I feel like although the school is an outstanding school and I've been very happy with it they are setting her up to fail as they want her to be good for a whole day which obviously that's impossible.
Grab the educational assessment with both hands. I'm sorry I don't know about excluding her as it did didn't come up in my case.
I'd also ask your GP to refer her to CAMHS.
The waiting list is horrendous so the sooner you do that the better.
You can also (I believe) self refer on a parenting course which sounds like I'm blaming your parenting but its likely you will be told to do that so I'd tick that box sooner rather than later.
I wouldn't say your daughter has behavioural problems as such. It may well be that something is causing her behaviour.
No they can't just chuck her out. Assuming this is a state funded school they have to work to include her. However ultimately it may turn out to not be the best environment for her needs although special school would be a step further down the line. Take the assessment so at least everyone knows what the issue might be and can put appropriate measures in place. If you are asked to collect her early without specific grounds it could be classed as an illegal exclusion. Did your conversation include the senco?
No conversation regarding senco was mentioned other than she needs 1to1. Some of the symptoms they have highlighted are, easily distracted, unable to wait, short attention span, looses interest easily, disruptive behaviour specifically towards those with authority at school, sticking to tasks that are time consuming.
My worst nightmare is for her to get excluded permently for something that I believe she just can't help.
Although I sympathise with the school as I know it's very disrupting for the teachers and the pupils too but at the same time I need to stick up and fight for my child and take her side because if I don't who will.
I've attached the behaviour policy below to show how it works. The moving seats is where it tends to escalate and she goes through since the last few days every stage which is why exclusion has been mentioned.
Is there any particular questions I should be asking the Head teacher in terms of strategies they could be putting in place other than the star chart which is obviously not working although she loves it when she earns a sticker.
Have they mentioned applying for an ehcp? They need to put strategies in place to diffuse the situation and avoid the policy escalating unnecessarily. Ipsea will be able to advise on questions to raise.
No only that they were going to organise an educational psychology assessment. I have a meeting before school to talk about strategies so I guess I will have to see what they come up with. I was going to ask about applying for extra funding but maybe a care plan might be best.
Ok. Don't panic. Exclusion sounds like a big word - and it is but the LA have a legal responsibility to provide your DD an education. So it won't be bye bye and end of.
It sounds like this behaviour has been consistent since nursery. So there must be a list of evidence of what they've tried and what has and hasn't worked as long as your arm.
This can be used to apply for an EHCP. See the IPSEA website as you can start the process as a parent.
Ask for copies of her school file via a SAR (subject access request). Use that information to help you. Show that DD needs an assessment of need as the usual stategies available in MS school haven't worked.
Ask the school specific questions. So ask when your DD is throwing and hitting what they do. Ask if she has a safe space to go to or if they are escorting her there. She shouldn't be excluded if when the behaviour starts they just allow it to continue without immediately removing her and adressing it.
Suggest things like now/next cards and timers. Set her small achievable goals. So now is sit for register (star for managing it) next is run around playground. (Talk to them about movement breaks - they should know about them or can research).
Then next English. (That should be something achievable with 1:1 and for an acheiveable timescale). So if her concentration is 3 minutes then she does 3 minutes with a timer and gets a star. Next maths. Follow same routine for English. Again a star.
It maybe concentrating for an hour is too much for your DD currently. So if she's using all her resources to manage her behaviour for an hour the likely outcome is a bigger explosion later on.
Agree a reward stategy. Eg 5 stars = computer/iPad. Something she likes. Agree how long the reward I'd for an use timers.
What engages her? Is she more likely to learn the history stuff by watching something on screen than by listening to teacher talk? Could she watch something relevant like a horrible histories clip related to teacher income and then be support d to write a sentence/ or even dictate a sentence for a scribe about what she's learnt to show she understands and has met learning outcome teacher set.
The whole idea of lessons is to learn (X). Your DD can still be given that opportunity but through the creativity of finding a way she can learn it.
There's absolutely nothing wrong IMO with your DD doing a spelling app or spelling programme on computer if the pupils are learning spellings. If the point is they learn them they need to find a way she can do this.
The most important thing to discuss with the school is what can she manage. What can she do. Start there. Start at what is acheiveable or she's instantly being set up to fail and that will only add to her difficulties.
And yes, if called DO NOT walk out of the school with your DD without an exclusion letter in your hand that states the reason why, how they tried to prevent it and what happened. Then at reintegration meeting make sure a plan is written clearly stating how they will support to DD to prevent it happening again.
Early signs of ADHD? Does the school have a SENCO or SEND person? Your child needs to be assessed and have an IEP in place. I don't think the school's approach is taking in consideration your child individual needs.
Yes, they have to follow the behaviour policy; however, they should Observe & Assess the child first? ...but if they have no training in dealing with special needs I'm afraid they might take wrong decisions which can be detrimental to your child's future.
The Local Authority has Educational Department & able to offer you advise and support. If I were you I would give them a call and ask for support; otherwise, maybe a visit to your closest Citizen Advise Bureau? Good luck!
Thanks for all your advice. I think I really need to find out the process of what they do when the behaviours occur. What strategies are they going to put in place immediately even if it's short term and find out the plans long term. Excluded her is definitely not going to solve the problem. She loves school although certain aspects she finds boring which I think is where it all starts. Doing something she doesn't enjoy looses her interest pretty much immediately. I do hope moving forward something positive will come out of this.
They need to fill in an ABC sheet, antecedent (what happens directly before the behaviour) , behaviour, consequence to look for patterns and see if it is always before lining up, it always before writing or whatever to see if a simple distraction or tweak can sort it out.
Also all the stuff kiddingme said about now and next and movement breaks. She is trying to tell them something! Just need to figure out what and react.
SENCO should have been involved by now too.
Your last post gives the impression you think she has control over her behaviour. If so , how does she explain the incidents?
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
We have been referred to cahms not sure how long that takes and what to expect. I think the school is taking it one day at a time.
I think I'm only just now realising how she really is at school behaviour wise. I often have kids running up to me telling me my daughter is naughty and spends a lot of time in time out. Im hoping that something positive will come out of this.
@username I think an ehc plan is what I'm hoping for as it's obvious she nor they are going to cope without one from now til yr6. The school is struggling now. When she is good it's amazing but when she isn't it's a nightmare She is very disruptive. And stubborn.
It will. This is why we all feel so strongly about our children being diagnosed. Being labelled 'naughty' is the other option. Clearly there is something amiss. She is obviously struggling, be it for slight developmental delay or another reason, either way the situation will need to be assessed and managed. Best of luck
My ds has just started in reception but we already have a meeting booked with his teacher for after half term and I had to pick him up after lunch today as he is just not coping; not joining in with lessons, being disruptive, hurting children, not listening etc. if I ask him he says he's been really good at school.
I'm at a loss. My instinct says that something is wrong. Having looked at symptoms I'm sure it's something like adhd or pda.
I've no idea where to go from here and I feel really scared. I don't know how we're going to cope. We both work some distance away and have no family nearby to help. We already rely on a childminder (who says his behaviour is no problem there).
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