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DS (12) struggling since moving schools.

(5 Posts)
FrancineSmith Sat 21-May-16 11:35:31

DS has a diagnosis of ASD. He has spent the last few years at a wonderful, small independent school but moved to our local state secondary in September due to financial constraints.

He has not settled in well. I expected some issues in the beginning due to the transition, but we're close to the end of the year now and things have got worse rather than better. Most of his issues are behavioural - refusing to do work, follow instructions etc. He also lies a lot, which complicates things. He has spent most of the year on report and had an internal exclusion.

School have been generally good at dealing with things. Flagged him up quite early on as a target of bullying, and have been quite proactive in dealing with this. Communication has been good, but seems to have tailed off a bit recently. I get the feeling that the things they were initially calling me about on a daily basis have now become the norm so don't get flagged up any more.

In truth I don't think he fits the school 'mould' and would prefer to home school him. My issues with this are 1) money (we can't afford for me to give up work) and 2) I'm not sure I could cope with being with him 24/7. I know that sounds awful, there are so many wonderful things about him but I find the lying and refusal to take responsibility for his actions very wearing. I'm not sure I could do it full time and DH feels the same. God I'm horrible.

School filled in the forms for an Early Help Assessment around Feb, which I chased up with teacher a few weeks ago, to be told they were waiting to hear back. DS came home one day last week to say he had spent 2 lessons with teacher answering questions about what he wants to do, home life etc "to get him some support". I'm fairly certain this was part of the initial EHA paperwork that was apparently submitted months ago, as DS says he has not previously had conversations of this sort with teacher. Now I'm wondering if school are really just paying lip service to supporting him and I have been mislead all along.

Sorry this is long, I'm sure there's lots of info I've missed out, but trying not to put people off reading! Happy to answer questions of course.

I'm just hoping for some bright ideas really. How can we improve things for DS? What could we be doing wrong? What should we change? How can we deal with the lying and lack of responsibility, while still supporting his SEN? What options might we have in terms of schools?

AugustaFinkNottle Tue 24-May-16 19:22:16

What's an Early Help Assessment? It sounds like something your local authority does rather than, for instance, a formal EHC needs assessment.

Is he making progress in school? What help are they giving him?

FrancineSmith Sat 04-Jun-16 13:46:44

Sorry, I didn't get a notification there had been a response and this had dropped of my 'I'm on' list, so not sure what happened there!

EHA is the replacement for CAF and as far as I'm aware is nationwide, but only came in to use in September.

I don't believe DS is making much, if any, progress as he does so little work, but they never talk about academics. He's a very bright boy who will usually test as one of the top in the year in virtually any subject (when he can be bothered to put pen to paper), he just doesn't do the day to day work.

In terms of help, in the beginning he unofficially had most of the class TA's time, they have tried breaking tasks down for him but mostly he is on report as a solution to the behaviour. He has been on one form of report or another almost continuously so I'm not sure it's helping.

FrancineSmith Sat 04-Jun-16 13:47:38

I've also finally had an update about the EHA and apparently somebody will be getting in touch, so there is some progress at least.

Ifonlylovewouldsavetheday Tue 07-Jun-16 23:11:37

Is he following a standard timetable? Some students really benefit from learning in an alternative room that is set up for students who can't tolerate a normal timetable. Not all schools will appreciate alternative needs, it might be worth trying somewhere else as it doesn't sound like he has settled anyway. Good luck, there are massive differences between mainstream schools

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