ASD, ADD, PDA, and anything else.

[NewLife4Me]

Hello, hoping somebody can help with compiling a list of our worries to approach school.

In order to make sure I've covered all the problems/ symptoms I have looked at the autistic spectrum including Aspergers.

My head is about to explode as the list is getting endless.
If you have done this yourself did you find that there were some behaviours from many lists?
I seem to be reading and getting no one particular label.
The only thing that I had to start with was a feeling that we couldn't go on like this anymore and that dd 12 had problems.
I started the charity shop clothes thread not even thinking it could be related and some lovely posters suggested it could be SEN and I should post here.

I suppose I'm asking if I'm going about it the right way, looking through all labels and noting anything that applies to dd, even if the label has obvious symptoms that dd doesn't have. If that makes sense.
I'm happy to post the list we have so far but some of it is still vague but have got examples for quite a few now.

[plimsolls]

I'm not entirely certain of your question, but I think it is about how to address your concerns with school?

To be honest, instead of trying to diagnose her (or list all the possible diagnoses which may apply), you'd be better off making a list of anything about your DD which causes you or her concern and/or difficulty. You can take that to the school and explain you are aware that some of these characteristics are indicative of particular disorders or syndromes and you would like some external help to take it further.

The school should arrange a chat with their SENCO and possibly another professional, such as an educational psychologist or similar. They can start the process of seeing if your DD's characteristics come together for a diagnosis. As you've found, lots of characteristics are symptomatic of all sorts of disorders/diagnoses (as well as also being 'typical') so you'll drive yourself up the wall trying to figure it all out yourself.

Good luck

[plimsolls]

Also- and I would hope this wouldn't happen but it could do- if you start raising labels/diagnosis that your DD doesn't have major symptoms of, some schools/professionals might dismiss everything you say as your list might seem too scattergun, despite your absolutely brilliant and dedicated best intentions.

[NewLife4Me]

Oh I see, great.
So concerns rather than labels.
i was trying to avoid self diagnosis and was using checklists to either confirm or deny the examples we have iyswim.
However, yes, am driving myself mad with it.

I suppose I don't want to fail her as I did ds, and with so many learning and behavioural difficulties in the family, need answers.

Do I need to go right back to the beginning of pre school age as I think it all started here.
Speech was slow to develop and she would roar at people like a lion. Then she had clusters of wrong words like tat for cat, cut for cup. HV referred to SALT for about 6 months.
Very good with sounds from early 2,5 repeating sounds she heard and has relative pitch.

[plimsolls]

You're already not failing her- you sound like you are a thoughtful, caring and dedicated parent. I'm sure this was also the case for your DS.

Make two lists- one of current concerns and one more of a timeline right back to she she was little. You might not need or get the chance to go through the timeline one in your first meeting but it will be invaluable for meetings with specialists later on (if a parent turned up to a meeting with me with such a timeline, I'd kiss them! Well, be very pleased)

[VertigoNun]

Don't go in with your thoughts on possible dx they will raise a red flag for MHBP. Parents are meant to play a game when no rules are given. You have to use the correct language to obtain the help you need, so school have no choice other then to box tick. If they can escape using resources they will.

Place a list of "concerns" in an email ahead of the meeting. Give examples of behaviour in various situations not always in your care as with PDA they will blame you if they can.

Government agencies are not there to "help" they are box ticking job creation schemes presenting as help, who are managed by people who will do anything to avoid providing support and will victim blame if given the chance.

[NewLife4Me]

Ah, thank you both.
Another stupid question.
In my first contact email to SENCO do I just say family history of learning and behavioural issues and ask for an appointment. Or do I add some of the concerns we have. Then tell more/ supply more examples at meeting?
It's a private school so think we will have to pay if it gets as far as assessment.

Thank you all for the advice btw.

[plimsolls]

Oh dear vertigo it sounds like you've had a bad time with the process. I hope you encounter better professionals in future and that support is now in place.

newlife add in a general description of the concerns too, just in case. Some private schools do ask parent to pay but have their own prefers specialists. Some ask parents to find the right professionals themselves.

[NewLife4Me]

Vertigo, that sounds horrendous. I can't believe that professionals would make you feel as though it was your fault.

In our case the more I read the more I think it is our fault or at least mostly our fault for being inconsistent in our approach to discipline.
I'm not so bothered about a diagnosis now but some pointers on how to move forward.

My dd is very gifted and I have just found that much of her behaviour could stem from this and how it's important to not let the children take control.
She manipulates and argues constantly and it's hard keeping on top of her defiance lies and need for control. She questions me and her teacher's authority and will do anything to get out of doing something she doesn't want to.
Organisation is terrible with incomplete work and lost homework, she doesn't tell us the full story from school and will be deceitful, look you in the eye and make elaborate lies up.

I feel like such a failure and that now when I approach school I may get the same result tbh.
Her school is a specialist school for gifted children so no doubt they are all like this and she won't stand out as having any problems apart from parents who can't parent effectively.

plimsolls

Thank you so much, we will still contact them as I promised to see it through this time. So many times we have meant to contact school but then talked ourselves out of it by believing it was nothing much. When I look at the full picture it doesn't seem right. Then I can look at a website about parenting and behavioural issues and find out the issue is quite normal.

I have no idea where we are going or what we are doing anymore We have 2 older dc and only the eldest was normal and never caused us any sleepless nights.

[Balletgirlmum]

I can reccomend a private, reasonably priced ed psych not a million miles away who understands the type of school your dd is at.