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Our son is autistic and we don't know where to turn next

(11 Posts)
justmum70 Wed 23-Sep-15 21:29:28


Our 8 year old son was diagnosed with Aspergers a year ago and we have been in a constant battle with his school ever since. We know he needs a EHCP (statement) but the school are reluctant to even entertain the idea, stating they will not get the funding.

There is also another boy in class who is bullying a number of children, our son being one of them. The attacks are becoming more and more violent and our son was recently choked to the point of him nearly passing out.

This is causing his anxiety levels to go through the roof and we have no confidence that the school can guarantee his or other children's safety.

Obviously our main concern is our son's safety and the impact it is having on his ability to learn. We are waiting for a separate meeting with the SENCO teacher and his teacher to review his IEP (which we have not seen a copy of before!) to understand what strategies they have in place for him.

We know that he needs extra one on one support with his literacy as he struggle to get his thoughts on paper, or is not able to tell you what he already about (although is vocabulary is above the national average if he is coached and encouraged in the right way)

The school are insisting he works in groups of six and they have a policy of making the group miss their breaks to complete the work if they do not do so. My son takes this as punishment as he does not comprehend the real reason as other children would. This then compounds his anxiety, further inhibiting his learning.

So far we have met with the school a number of occasions regarding everything I have mentioned. We have raised the issues of violence with the police and now have a crime number. We have raised the issue with OFSTED, regarding the safety of the children in school. We have spoken to the local authority (Nottinghamshire County Council) regarding the safety issue. We have also contacted the East Midlands Autistic Society by email, but have not had a response.

Despite speaking to all of the above, we are getting nowhere and we now feel like screaming from the rooftops, but feel totally helpless and frustrated. Can anyone out there help?

Fairylea Wed 23-Sep-15 21:33:39

How awful for you all. My son is 3.5 and has autism.

Firstly I would apply for the ehcp yourself. You don't need the school to do it. You can apply through your local council. If you have paediatricians involved and have been through the gp for referrals etc they will contact these for reports which will help.

The school sounds useless to me. Personally I would be taking him out and looking at other options. If they won't support you in the ehcp or anything else personally I would think they were useless with special needs in general and go elsewhere.

PacificDogwod Wed 23-Sep-15 21:36:43

I am sorry your son and you are going through this thanks, and also that I cannot offer any specific advice.

MN has a very knowledgable Special Needs section - maybe repost your post there? Or ask MNHQ to move your thread? Just press the 'report' button at the top of your post and type your request in the box that will pop up. MNHQ are very good that way smile

V best of luck.

mrstweefromtweesville Wed 23-Sep-15 21:37:38

I can't really help but want to register my sympathy and my hopes you can find help soon.

Sounds as if the school is woefully inadequate, though we haven't heard their side of it.

The choking incident - well done for speaking to the police. What did the school do about it?

Is the school offering any provision for his additional needs at all? I'm sorry you are having to wait to see the SENCO.

I should imagine you are the talk of the staffroom. Turning to Ofsted doesn't usually endear people to teachers! But you have to keep fighting for your son, so what choice do you have?

MisForMumNotMaid Wed 23-Sep-15 21:44:56

Getting support is becoming more and more challenging but it can happen and you sound like you're ready for the fight.

As pp mentioned you can apply for an EHCP yourself.

Regarding school start creating a paper trail. Email follow up every conversation, every action, every incident, every expectation, every concern. This paper trail can help with the EHCP.

The way funding has changed schools now have to provide the first 12hours support for a child from their own budget then the council will provide beyond this (with or without EHCP). Lovely cut introduced a bit under the radar last year. It creates a conflict of interest in schools admiting children need help so only those with very very significant behavioural issues are getting support.

You may find the council try to tell you that you need to be getting 12 hours support to justify a 1-1 but don't accept this.

If you feel they're failing your son keep fighting.

Do you have things like an educational psychologists report, on ocupational therapists, speech and language? All these bits of paperwork add weight to identifying your childs unique set of needs.

Houd Sun 06-Mar-16 17:03:20

Hi OP, I truly symphysis with what you and your son are going through. Schools vary greatly in their approach to helping children with SEN. I have worked for many years, in schools/ nurseries helping children with Autism. A good school/ teachers will be able to identify what needs each child has. You should be able to speak to the SENCO and they should be able to support you and your son... If the school are not on board you should look at changing schools, I would. I agree that you should get as much evidence as possible to support you getting a statement of educational needs. Contact educational psychologists/GP/ paediatrician, to get reports support. Your son sounds as if he needs one to one support, but if he is quite intelligent/ able to express himself , they would not want to get him the support. Have you spoken to the head? as the bullying is something you should not have to put up with!!

stationtostation78 Sun 06-Mar-16 18:22:43

So sorry to hear this. I know someone who has found the ABA method wonderful for her autistic son. Google it for more. Another has just had a statement for her son and they can now get a new car and a woofability dog which is amazing as well as carer's allowance and disability living allowance which help them now she has had to give up work to look after him. He also gets Theraplay which helps and they get respite care breaks - amazing. Another friend helps with Riding for the Disabled (RDA) and finds children with autism get a lot of benefit from horse riding. Contact groups in your area to find out if you can access help. Good luck to you both.

Poppypieface Fri 18-Mar-16 23:58:34

Hi, my first post. This is for the parent of recenty diagnosed child with aspergers.
First advice. Do not panic!!!
My son diagnosed at aged 6, now at iniversity.... With zero help from local authority eeducation system. You will need to fight forceverything so be prepared!! You will do it. Research everything you needvfor him to survive and reach his/ her full potential. Gather facts and evidence. Use every law necessary. Call a meething with senco and head of school. Take an experienced support advisor specific to autism to every meeting. Record everuthing. Sign and accept nothing until you are satisfied. Tiring and emotional but worth everthing to see your childvgrow and develop to their full potential.stay firm but calm. Good luck and lots of love. Sorry for spelling i too am autistic diagnosed aged 41. I know what i talking about. Keep your chin up and the rest will come. X

Poppypieface Sat 19-Mar-16 00:03:41

Sorry one more thing, get support for yourself as a parent also if it gets tpugh. It will sometimes, but, its worth it when ot all settles into a stride. You will both be fine and autism is a wonderful gift if given to the right parents( it usually is) the anxiety of being a parent of an autistic child eases as time passes. I promise. Lots of love to you both. X

Poppypieface Sat 19-Mar-16 00:05:44

Google will become your new best

EmmanuelleMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 19-Mar-16 20:02:43

Hi there OP. We've moved this thread to SEN where we hope you'll get some more replies flowers.

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