Querying 10 yr old behaviours

[Verbena37]

Hi,
If I mention some of my 10 yr old DS' behaviours, could you say if they hint at anything in particular or whether it's a testosterone/testing me type thing? I must point out that two years ago DS was diagnosed with temporal lobe nocturnal epilepsy but has been seizure free for 21 months.

Refuses in the main to get himself dressed. He tells me to get his clothes out and doesn't easily remove his PJs and then has to be nagged to put the clothes on.

He won't go up and brush his teeth. He wants to come up and put the toothpaste on for him and brush them.....most of the time.

He has massive melt downs for very minor reasons. Last year, two episodes lead to him trying to self harm. Today, he couldn't do his origami and he went bonkers! Swearing and screaming for about half an hour. Hitting out at me and constantly swearing and kicking the dresser with the fish tank on etc. I swiftly removed the scissors just in case! Afterwards, he lay. On the floor curled up saying " please take me to a hospital to make me better". He said he had felt funny like when he has a seizure.

He has Selective Eating Disorder but after dietician appointments and specialist appointments, they said he isn't starving and therefore they cannot offer he,p. The SED makes social stuff hard.....picnics at Cubs or staying at friends (he doesn't do that much) is tricky. He hasn't been on a school trip.....mainly because of the nocturnal seizures but also because he just wouldn't eat.

Such small things are huge to him and upset him so easily. DD (13) only has to smile at the him in the wrong way and she will get kicked or sworn at.

He loves being outdoors and hates going to school.....another issue. He regularly says he isn't going and whilst he is skinny, he is really getting strong and I ant drag him to school anymore!

Any ideas? School wouldn't get it. They say he is angelic at school and is conscientious and works as hard as he can.
Sorry for long post.

[Verbena37]

Forgot to add about his sleeping.
He still won't go off to sleep without one of us sitting next to him. It's an ever decreasing circle.....were knackered due to his behaviour and DH working late, so we sit with him whilst he drifts off, then he will never try to sleep alone.

[Verbena37]

Also.....he can get himself dressed like he does at school. He is often the first one dressed after swimming etc so it seems it's at home with me he refuses. In fact, it's me he refuses a lot of stuff for. Whilst with his dad, he does what he is told.

[Tissie]

He is managing in school where there is a very structured routine and he is surrounded by peers which provide unknowingly pressure to conform to certain behaviours. At home that pressure is released ad he feels safe. Ths may result in melt downs which are used as a safety net. However, I wonder if there is an element of sensory processing disorder as he dislikes getting dressed, has problems getting to sleep and has problems with eating.
You have to decide if you are OK being his let off steam person or whether it is imortant to you to change his behaviour.
Have you tried white noise to help with getting to sleep?
If he can get dressed leave him to do so even if it means going out half dressed.
Do you need to have his nocturnal seizures checked? Is he having absence seizures during the day? Is there a support group for children to discuss their seizures and ask their questions.
Food is such a big issue with us mums. If he is getting enough nutrition then leave it. Generally we are more concerned than the child is. If it's the case that he wants to change then try to find a counsellor/psychologist rather than a dietician as it may be amxiety causing the problem.
I wish you well.

[Verbena37]

Sorry Tissie, only just seen this. I also posted in behaviour and development I think.
We think it is PDA (Pathological Demand Avoidance) and I have seen the GP without him there. I have another appointment with GP next week to ask for a private referral to be assessed.
I feel a lot of relief....PDA seems very likely and would tie in as well with the sensory issues.