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Having a DC with SEN, what happens to your other DC?

(1 Post)
averyyoungkitten Fri 28-Feb-14 19:29:13

I am asking this for my brother. He is worried about his DS.
Background: DB married a woman with aDC from a previous relationship around 10 years ago. They had a DS who is now 7 (coming 8).
Her eldest (now14) has exhibited behavioural problems from quite an early age. He is aggressive, loud, has tantrums, stays awake all night and other behaviours. Is diagnosed as being ASD and ADHD. (kicks her and bruises her). He resented my DB almost from the outset and around two years ago my DB moved out because the older childs behaviour was becoming impossiblefor himas the boy keptsaying he wanted him out of the house and his mother to himself.

DB has his DS Mondays, Wednesdays and every weekend. His DS seems to be a sensitive boy and cries at almost nothing ( even a raised voice in excitement will trigger him). Recently the DS has begun to ask to stay over with his father for longer. Doesnt want to go home. Would rather come to me or his grandmother than stay with his mum or his other grandmother in school holidays (where his mother leaves both DC when she is working and they are not at school). He only goes home because his mother forces the issue. Also he is now being told by the school that DS is falling behind in lessons and not doing his homework and it seems he is even losing skills he clearly had earlier .

Wednesday DB took his DS "Home" to find the house in uproar as the elder boy was kicking and shouting and swearing in a fashion that the whole street could hear. His DS was clearly distressed. He took his DS away and returned later but things were still bad.

My DB is getting worried but fears to approach the subject with his estranged wife. He is wondering if the his DS is sufferring emotionally because of the behaviour of the older one.

Can anyone tell me if this is a common pattern in siblings who have SEN brothers/sisters? He doesnt want to say the younger boy is neglected but he does feel that maybe the older one is taking up too much time and attention. How do you deal with this? I am sure that this cannoit be a one off situation. DB's DS has always been quite ordinary and never shown any problems other than this sensitivity to his brothers behaviour.

Thanks for any advice

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