If you have a teen with Aspergers and they tend to make friends with similar teens...(15 Posts)
...do you drop into conversation that your DS has Aspergers? (Or think it's no one else's business and keep it to yourself)
Do you just think so what, who cares, it doesn't really matter if the other kid is nice?
Or are you like me and suspect the other teens have Aspergers and their parent is fully aware, and you want to share, but don't want to go first?
I don't say 'Asperger's' specifically but I do sometimes mention his quirks if they are relevant.
The last time I mentioned a quirk (DS was invited on a sleepover by text for that evening just before he left for school....it was a blank "no" from him (obviously I texted back much more politely). I later explained in person to the mum DS liked advance notice for things....she rolled her eyes has stopped pushing the friendship. But that boy was nothing like DS, so maybe it was a natural end to the friendship anyway.
DS now seems to have invited certain boys he was never friends with before (but I've heard him, talk about them, and made presumptions about tehm with my amateur psychologist hat on).
I'm wondering if the schools very good SN dept' are doing something to gently coordinate friendships.
DS is very open about being an Aspie, several of his friends are equally comfortable with being Aspie, or having dyslexia or ADHD.
He doesn't see it as something to be embarrassed about, or to hide, so that's easy really.
He has other friends that are quirky, but as teenagers parents don't usually figure.
I did hear him say to a mate online ' No that's fine, go and ask her. It's good to know I'm not the only one that checks with my mum before organising a trip' and laughing.
My son is friends with people both on and off the spectrum. It appears to me though he tends to gravitate more to those that also have "quirks".
He and his very best mate will sometimes talk with me what it is like to have Aspergers.
You see, that's it...DS handed the phone over to me so I could talk to the other boys mother about her DS coming over to our house for the afternoon.(That's not normal for 14yo's is it? - But I would have done the same.) From what I gather this new friend has some sort of learning support and I hear he is super amazingly talented at maths. His mother is also very organized.
As an amateur physiologist/sleuth I have noticed Aspie boys tend to have organised mothers. Unfortunately this doesn't apply to my DS.
DS hasn't got any LDs, his needs were all linked to the spectrum.
He doesn't care what other people think, it's irrelevant to him.
I didn't mean that to sound harsh, just that he doesn't get embarrassed and he sees the logic before the street cred.
I used to when he was younger and friendships had to be more facilitated by me.
It is a difficult balance to protect his dignity and privacy whilst ensuring that people don't dismiss him as a rude weirdo.
We've lately adopted the term "geeky" led by DS, who refers to his group of mates as "the geeks"
Oh dear, my son has lost out on the very organised mum part!
I think maybe though the not giving a toss what other people think is a piece of being on the spectrum. My son and his friends seem content to do their own thing without worrying if it is the "in" thing or not.
I used to be more involved in planning activities for ds as one of his fears was being left behind somewhere. He really need a detailed plan of what to expect.
You've all just reminded me that DS doesn't care if he's popular or a geek....it's all me. (Although it's blatantly obvious he's a geek, and while not "popular" the girls are fond of him, even if he's not boyfriend material )
He hasn't yet used the term geek to describe his group of friends, although it's obvious to me, but he has described some people as in "the popular group who like to wear certain types of clothes." They all wear school uniform, so even I don't know how that works.
This is all a smug post because he's never really had friends before and in one week end he is meeting up with two people from school.
London, one of the things that does cause a pang for me is the whole girlfriend issue. My son is nice looking ( if I do say so!) but has yet to experience a date. He is friends with girls but not yet had one special girl yet. I know this bothers him. Anything supportive I try to say is usually met wit a sigh and " Oh mum!"
Ps. Did not mean to hijack thread. Your last comment made me think of teens and opposite sex relationships.
I didn't have a boyfriend until I was 17, and I was 17, and I'm pretty sure DH was much older (but he's well fugly ) so I'm not too bothered about the girl thing.
DS was "adopted" by a girl in Y8 as was his friend, by a couple of seemingly very nice girls who were best friends.....both boys were both dumped on the same day....but it was fun while it lasted.
So, anyway, when this new friend is dropped off on Sat...is there anything I should/shouldn't say?
The last time a friend was dropped off the (very organised) mother banged on about how her DS was G&T....repeatedly. To the point where after 45 mins of her standing in my hall and telling me again he was G&T (I had asked her several times to come in for a tea/coffee but she refused, and said she had to dash) I wanted to tell her her DS was a bit damn quirky along with his G&T.
Said DC is also very, very funny which is a really a bit wrong really when he is 14 and I am 40, isn't it?
I did not have a proper boyfriend until I was 17 either! So it is just me doing the meddling mum thing then..
Btw..my ds is one of the funniest people I know..he picks up on the absurdities of life..
I tend to say nothing regarding my son, but would have no issue discussing it with another parent if they brought it up.
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