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Mildly dyslexic DS so frustrated and miserable, please advise!

(17 Posts)
mamaganoush Thu 07-Feb-13 12:42:04

Hi, I just wanted to ask if any other parents have mildly dyslexic children and how they and the family dealt with it. My ds1 who is 10.2 has just scored 0.9 on a dyslexia test at school (I was told by the senco that a score of 1 was 'at risk') he reads excellently, his problems seem to lie in handwriting and rapid naming. He was obviously aware that he'd taken this test so we explained what it was all about.

Unfortunately since then he's become so frustrated and defeated. He avoids anything that stretches his capabilities and actually gets so cross at homework time he hits himself on the head. I think the problems he had with letter formation and backwards writing have got worse too.

I've explained that he is only very mildly dyslexic, that I suspect I am too, that lots of cool people are dyslexic too... He idolises John Lennon and was briefly chuffed when he heard that he was dyslexic! I've told him that his amazing inventiveness and intelligence far outweigh his dyslexia.

I don't know if it's a coincidence but generally he's very gloomy and cross and being very disruptive at home. I bought a SAD lamp as I thought that might bring him out of this low but he hates it so much he sits behind it! Maybe it's his age??

Has anyone got any advice as to how I can help him and stop him being so negative.

Thank you

kissmyheathenass Thu 07-Feb-13 12:47:13

Ds, 12, is mildly dyslexic and has a few other SEN too. He is thoroughly demotivated and just cant be bothered to do any homework at the moment. His standard response is "it's too hard for me, I cant do it". I am tearing my hair out as he seems so miserable. We are attempting to relocate and hope to find a school that has good SEN provision for him. His current school dont seem interested sad.

Startail Thu 07-Feb-13 13:11:11

I'm going to give you a very glib and unhelpful answer.

Is there anything he's really good at or really loves.

Something he can get praise for that isn't school.

My mildly dyslexic DD sings well enough to do solos and have people quite genuinely congratulate her.

I have a friend who says finding she could ride has helped her dispraxic DD.

Seeing the class trouble maker trying not to look very proud when receiving a prize for his unusual sport. Or DDs very shy friend starting to come out of her shell when praised for her very considerable sporting success.

These things are not academic school based things, but the confidence they give children spill over into school.

Startail Thu 07-Feb-13 13:16:30

And into schools attitude to them.

Teachers and fellow pupils see, If X can get man of the match he can't always be messing about, if Y can do that I'm sure she can speak up in class and I shouldn't pigeon hole her simply as the quiet one.

I might find Star's DD silly and easy to tease, but I'd never be brave enough to sing a solo in front of the whole school.

mamaganoush Thu 07-Feb-13 13:37:40

Thank you both. I do heap praise on DS for his guitar playing, incredible minecraft creations, efforts at Scouts... Etc but since his diagnosis he's been very much like Kissmy's DS and assumes failure before he's started anything. He's always been a bit like that tbh but has got so much worse.
His school and teachers are great, encouraging his music and helping with the dyslexia. I hope it's just his coming to terms with it all and maybe readjusting. I have to admit a tiny part of me is worried that he might use the dyslexia as an excuse to be a bit lazy now.... I think I would have done at his age!!

HelpOneAnother Thu 07-Feb-13 13:38:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mamaganoush Thu 07-Feb-13 16:05:40

HelpOneAnother (great name smile) I think our sons must be quite similar, my DS reading age has always been older than his age and he reads a lot for pleasure. This morning my DS was asking whether he'd have to do writing in metalwork, Woodwork and science at secondary school as they are the things that he likes and when I told him yes he said he didn't want to do them anymore. I know it's a year and a half away but I think big school is going to be an awful shock sad

grants1000 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:52:04

Has he see this? I have 10yo DS who is dyslexic in Y6 and he went through this when he was screened at school in y3. Since then we took hinm for weekly tution at Dyslexia Action for Y4 & 5 which we paid for with help from family. School are also great with support and adjustments to his way of being able to do things.

grants1000 Thu 07-Feb-13 16:53:21

Sorry just pasted for another post I did but it's relevant.

Do school adjust the work he has to do? For example, short bursts, then he can get up wander about then come back to it? DS in Y6 has longer to do his homework as he has dyslexia, but he still does it. Or he can adapt, say 50 words on the school blog he can do 30 or something like that.

It is too early for a dyslexia assesment, my DS had it in Y2 and he's now in Y6. He went on an OP course that the GP organised because they had concerns about dyspraxia, he used to fall over from standing still and was all gangly and unbalance, however since Y2 growing and finding his centre of gravity naturally have really helped him, riding a bike, playing footy etc, so what I am saying is that a lot comes with age and growth.

There is also no such thing as 'being behind' or 'catching up' as I feel these words label children and can cause issues, you need to stop this. I can say this with the experience of being panic stricken in Y2 onwards, but can now look back and see how well he did at his own speed, with the support of school who have been and still are great.

As home it's best to back off for the time being, make any school stuff fun and quick, I can't emphasise this enought, spellings done shouting them out at the table, times tables done whilse jumping about, any writing in short 5 mn max bursts - it makes a huge difference to them and stops home and homework being a place of stress. Backing off really does improve self esteem, being good at reading something for 5 mns is betting than him feeling crap at reading somthing for 30 mns.

There is no quick fix miracle cure and they are not bad things that he is going through. I have a very happy Y6 dyslexic child who has many more good days than bad, and when he's had enough we leave it all well alone, less if definately more.

mamaganoush Thu 07-Feb-13 18:42:44

grants1000 thank you, that website is brilliant DS just had a look at it with me and I could tell he was really chuffed to find something that made since to him. It's interesting what you say about doing homework in a fun way as until the last year or so I used to do his spellings pretending I was a game show host using a spoon at a microphone! But as his work from school has got harder and he's got older and finds everything I do either lame or embarrassing we've lost all the fun stuff - thank you for reminding me smile

Kate1603 Fri 08-Feb-13 17:08:49

Hi, also have son who is or sum at reading, but struggles to write. Have taught him to touch type, he loves it. There is good software to help dyslexics, I am told, and am investigating. Push hard enough and laptops can be used in class. There is nothing to be gained by continuing to push writing or spelling if they are not wired up for it.we all manage things in different ways to achieve similar objectives, this works for us. Good luck

Copper Sun 10-Feb-13 19:17:28

My ds1 struggled all the way through school with low self esteem. I've jsut read a book called the Dyslexic Advantage which I really wish I had read earlier. The authors have also written the Mislabeled Child, which I'm now waiting for (bit late for us, but v interested).
Anyway, the Dyslexic Advantage looks at what dyslexia excels at - and simce almost everything else looks at the negative side, it's great to hear positives. I htink it is written by a copule called Eide. I can see so many things that I can really relate to in how my ds1 thinks.

Copper Sun 10-Feb-13 19:18:00

Sorry about bad typing

mamaganoush Sun 10-Feb-13 20:00:06

Thank you kate and copper Ill def get the book

grants1000 Mon 11-Feb-13 12:26:54

I also think as parents when a child is diagnosed, don't do 'sad & despair' because you immediately label your child, they don't have to struggle or see it as a disadvantage, always trying to catch up, catch up to what exactly? It's not a bad thing in any way shape or form!

This is EXCELLENT at describing it, all parents and children should watch this.

grants1000 Mon 11-Feb-13 12:27:23

Sorry can't make link work but just Google Newsround and Dyslexia and the programme should come up

swaye Sat 23-Mar-13 10:42:57

Games are a great way to overcome anxiety and frustration, try Let Me Learn

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