please help me and my son :((6 Posts)
i am desperately hoping someone can advise me as to what to do for my 8 year old. this is long winded so i hope omeone reads it and can help.
since he was about 2 we noticed a behavoural difference in him when he had high/bright coloured food. his moods would swing and he would quite literally be unable to stop talking. his mind would be racing. this was an easy one to solve as we just removed coloured food from his diet, and as times changed manufactours became aware of parents concerns and started using natural colours.
when he started nursery he was settled and happy. then one day his teacher mentioned that his emotions were up and down. one day he would be happy and friendly and the next he would be a nightmare.
other behaviour started to become apparent too. he wouldnt sleep, not a case of he wouldnt go to bed, just being completely unable to sleep. sometimes he would be awake until 1am and then rise again at 5am. by the time he was 5 he was only getting maybe 4 hours sleep a night. then he started to be almost defiant with his behaviour. for example one day we were in a carpet shop when he climbed on one of the rolls, i told him to get down and he did, then he climbed back on 3 more times. by the 4th time i took hold of his hand got down to his level and told him not to do it, then whilst holding my hand he climbed it! he didnt have a look of defiance on his face though, it was just almost like he hadnt regisitered me the first 4 times!
from the age of about 3 when i started using time out, he has never been bothered. nothing phases him. at 3 i could sit him on the step and tell him to stay there, mot 3 year olds would argue or cry or throw and tantrum. jamie didnt. he would sit there and wait for the time to be oer and then would get up and walk away without a word. as he's got older i have taken away treats and privaliages without him batting an eyelid. i have emptied his room of everything but his bed and clothes and he still wasnt bothered. jamie doesnt understand action-reaction at all either.
all these things sound so trivial on there own and most people say oh that normal for a 3,4 ,5 year old etc, but i am now at my wits end.
today i had a phone call from the school, explaining that jamie's behaviour has led to him being on report. he isnt a terribley naughty boy, just not listening or being silly etc in class, but yesterday his teacher told him 15 times in one day to stop messing around. i am heartbroken. the school just think he is messing around and being defiant, i know something is wrong, but everytime i talk to the teachers, health visitors or gp they all say it is normal behaviour.
the very sad thing is that jamie is a very clever little boy and his teachers all say if he applied himself he would be well ahead of himself, but atm he is being held back by his behaviour and lack of passion for his work.
i know how to deal with each indvidual thing ie removing colourants, rewards for good beahviour etc, but i need someone to relise that something isnt right.
Go to the GP again? Has the school suggested the SENCO be invovled? HAs the school dicussed with you what they think the issues are? THe school need to discuss with you in more detail.
He sounds like he has a 'something'. It could be Pathological Demand Avoidance, it could be ADHD, it could be that he is super sensitive and reacts to lights and noise. You need a very good quality paed. If you can afford it then pay for an assessment.
In the meantime, he needs to know that no means no. He needs firm, consistent boundries and he possibly needs a visual timetable. Some people swear by weighted blankets for sleep problems. It is possible that he is so tired that he can't function properly as well. How socially integrated is he? What is his speech and language like - particularly in terms of comprehension and literal intepretation of language. Also is he empathetic - ie, can he think in someone else's shoes. By 8 this should be 'there' - not necessarily fully formed but an 8 year old should be able to realise how someone is feeling and be able to tell from someone else's face.
some of he's behaviour sounds like my childs(same age) not listisn doing work running around the classroom doing what she want not what anyone else want her to do ect . yes there is something wrong with him and you do need help. now you can get it without the school starting it off just go to your gp and demand that he get a rerarrel to the pead and don't give up. if that gp won't help go to aother one that will. or call the parent partnership for help on your behalf they have helped me get the help for my child. or use thget in touch with the parent partnership link below they will help you get all the help you need on your behalf eg writing letters, phone calls to school ect and its all free. they have helped me and my child a lot over the last few year to keep her in school.
and they are really good at it to they will be able to tell you if you are getting all the help for your child or not www.direct.gov.uk/en/Parents/Schoolslearninganddevelopment/SpecialEducationalNeeds/DG_10016184e link below
you can also Applied for a Statutory Assessment for your son without the school.
check out the gov website above for more info good luck
It might be worth talking to the Sunflower trust, Mark Matthews has great success with kids who have problems from ADHD, dyslexia, et al
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