ASD 12 yr old and peers.

[EndoTheRoad]

My ASD son is in a mainstream school and whilst he gets on with the kids in class, breaks and dinner times are are completely different matter.

He isn't socialising and doesn't seem to want to. I don't know if that desire to mix will ever come.

My DP and I are worried, but DP feels that because I say "he's always been like that" (which he has), that I'm accepting it and not trying to change it. It's beginning to drive a wedge between us - he makes me feel guilty.

Over the years, I've taken him to playgroups, met up with friends who have children, but he still pretty much keeps himself to himself. We live in Switzerland and English-speaking clubs (catering for SN) aren't easy to come by.

Should I be forcing the issue with DS or not pressure him? I don't know what to do.

Thanks in advance for any words.

[smudgethepuppydog]

My ASD son spent most of his school life on the outside of the normal hustle and bustle but it never seemed to bother him. Things did improve slightly in his last couple of years.

Once he left and went to college he found it easier to be accepted as part of the group. He studied a vocational course and he was at college with lots of people older than him and this suited him as he's always found it easier to mix with and be accepted by adults.

Now he's at work and he does have some genuine friends.

Don't pressure him but be there to support him.

My DS hated all forms of organised groups when he was younger. The harder I tried to gain him friends the worse the situation got and the more he withdrew into his Asperger's.

[TheDuckster]

For many years when my DD (who has AS) was quite a bit younger I used to worry that she diidn't socialise/have friends. I used to try to 'push' her to make friends.

Looking back now I realise that was a big mistake for two reasons:

i) Much (not all) of the time she was happy with her own company

ii) my 'trying to help' actually just made her feel more like 'the odd one out' - ie made her feel bad because she couldn't make friends. How do I know? She told me so in later life.

[SammySea]

What does your DS want? Is he happy having time to himself? Perhaps time in class is enough contact with people and he enjoys having breaks from social situations. If he is happy as he is, perhaps follow his lead...