Hand holding please

[verybusyspider]

It feels like we are at the beginning of a journey, ds1 is 4.5 yrs and in reception, he has glue ear (first set of grommets going in in 2 weeks) School haved recognised this I have pushed for hearing tests which at preschool he was assessed by the intergrated disability service and school have got the ed psyc in, I have no idea what they are looking for, the ed psyc says he is 'different' to the other children, plays on the edge of groups, daydreams, is complient but takes a long time to get round to doing things, gets fixated on things and doesn't understand why he can't do it ie MUST sit in the middle of the line in assembly even if that means pushing other children out of the way. She is coming to observe him at home. I don't have a problem with him, he has two younger brothers and is managable, he can read and write really well so he is getting a lot out of being at school even if they don't think he's engaging

Anyway I'm getting frustrated and upset, I don't want this constant barage of feedback about my child, its hard not to take it personally, to think that we should have done more to help him understand how to behave at school.... how do you not take it personally? I'm too close to the 'issue' to look at this objectively... just want to chat really

[bagpusswasthebest]

Oh sweetheart, my ds2 has been marked as different from Yr R until now (Yr 5) and it hurts . My only advice is to trust your own instincts & remember he's still just a wee thing. Every child - every single one - matures at different stages & in their own time. In Sweden they don't even start formal education until 7.

You'll develop a thick skin - mother nature will ensure that - but just remember that you're his mum, you know best & love him for being the amazing unique wonderful character that he is.

[sarahfreck]

I honestly don't think that they are thinking you haven't done enough to teach your child how to behave at school. It doesn't strike me like that at all. (I am a teacher and have worked in schools by the way, though now I work as a tutor.) I think it is more likely that they are looking to see if your ds may need some additional help/support in order to manage the things he is finding tricky and to advise the school on what they can do to help him.

I can understand your upset - but in one way it is a good thing - the school are seeing if more support or help is needed at a very early stage.

[verybusyspider]

I made a mistake in my first post it should have said school haven't taken on board his hearing issues.
I'm struggling with wanting to go into school and say 'I really don't have a problem with him' 'this is how I'd do it' 'would doing the same help at school?'
I don't think having an NQT (although she is lovely) helps
Its so hard as I understand what they are saying, I see traits of it at home but he is managable...
so frustrating, trying not to get upset about it, he is great, think thats why this has been a shock/difficult
Thank you for replying x

[purplepidjin]

It sounds like they suspect he has additional needs of some kind. Which he obviously does, because he struggle to hear. To me, I would assume he needs to be in the middle of the line so he can hear what's going on and/or lip read the teacher; this would also explain why he struggles to join in a group! He sounds like a bright little lad so hopefully the grommets will miraculously cure him of his suspected SN and he'll acheive what you know he can. HTH

[verybusyspider]

Thanks purple

How do you all cope with the 'look how wonderful my child is' comments? I had a day of my child is this weeks star of the class, top reading team, ask to join a world maths day event, went to friends house for a playdate and their kitchen wall is covered with school certificates etc.... I obviously smile and say how lovely and ask them about it but would love to be able to say something back! it seems lame to say how thrilled we were (and he was!) that ds got a house point this week and every sticker has to be put in a book because they are a big deal, I think they would think I was mad and I don't want to have to qualify it with info about how he is struggling at school

[purplepidjin]

Sniggering at how obviously insecure they are and how tiny their lives are that this is their only topic of conversation!

Wine.

Chocolate.

Bitching about them on here

[verybusyspider]

not the only topic but a huge part of it
wish I was more organised with weekly shop no chocolate or wine in house - last week of term and the lots gone

[purplepidjin]

Wine is not a luxury it's an essential on a Friday night - did you see the Friday Night thread? Come and join in next week

[verybusyspider]

ds is having home visit from ed psyc on Tuesday for one hour - how do I make sure she see's everything she needs to??? wondering if I should leave the younger 2 at nursery or bring them home at the same time - its nap time anyway so not ideal...

more wine is now in the house - all is good

[verybusyspider]

home visit from the ed psye - she can't obviously diagnose but basically it is something on ASD or PAD (think thats what she said?!?) no idea how to take it forward at the moment but not keen to get him labelled at the moment as she said school should be handling it a lot better than they are - need to help him socialise more - any ideas how to do this? obviously play dates (and encourage him to play with them when/if they come) but thats only a small class group (one form per year) so I'm wondering how to increase his social circle - good activities to help him outside of school environment anyone?

[RoseCampion]

verybusy spider, I know exactly how you feel. My daughter had all the same behaviours as your son when she was his age, she's 21 now.

At the age of 5, after I had to beg for her to be tested, she was diagnosed as having glue ear and had grommets fitted....they didn't work. I won't tell you the very looooong story (unless you want me to) but after much shouting at people she was diagnosed as having a bi-lateral sensory neural hearing loss (nerve damage) and I was devastated, I had never even met a deaf person before.

she also has dyspraxia and other issues. My youngest DD is also deaf but doesn't have any other problems ( hereditary)

As I said earlier she is 21 now and at uni studying to be a vet, has come top in her year and passed all her exams with a first. She still has problems but nothing is insurmountable.

Your son might not have a permanent hearing loss, but please don't underestimate how not being able to hear will affect his reactions and integrations with the world.

The school are handling it very badly and letting you and your son down, don't let them. I know how hard it is to take all the negative stuff....it does get better I promise.

I love that you have told the school that you don't have a problem and told them how you would do things, it shows how in tune you are with him, you will be making adaptations to his 'traits' probably without realising, and making his life much easier at home than it is at school.

I am astounded that the school are not taking on board his hearing issues. If he has glue ear at best everthing will sound muffled, no wonder he doesn't always engage he may not be aware of what's happening around him, and at 4.5 he is still a baby!

Once my daughter was fitted with hearing aids all her 'different' behaviour stopped, although she had problems integrating socially for a long time.

I don't know if any of this is relevent or helps you, I just wanted to let you know that I know how you feel and that there is always light at the end of the tunnel. If you need to chat, let me know.