Are we going down the wrong path?

[Sorcs]

Hi all this is my first post so bare with me please! I have a DS who will be 5 next month. He started reception an Indy School in September & has had an awful time adjusting. Before he had a 1-1 (which we pay a portion of on top of the school fees which aren’t that expensive but still we could do without paying the 1-1) there were incidents everyday were he was biting, hitting kicking kids & staff & having major meltdowns. He hated any changes or transitions & the teachers were really struggling with him. He’s always had problems playing alongside others & sharing taking turns etc & it’s always ended up with him hurting the poor other child in pre school & even when I’d bring him to play groups soft play & play dates. He’s a handful at home & my husband and I are always walking on egg shells. Since his little brother has come along he has also lashed out at him loads so it’s a constant battle making sure he’s safe! Here is a list of things which he does which I’m concerned as to whether it’s ADHD or autism:
He stims when he’s anxious or tired
smells a lot of things especially toys & food
He is obsessed with Thomas, it’s all he’ll play with constantly
He will have meltdowns if he is expecting one parent to pick him up from School & it’s the parent
He struggles with transitions, especially play to food, or tv to going out, we have to tell him in advance
He can initiate play with other kids but I think if something changes that he doesn’t like that’s when he hurts them.
He is very friendly too but can be over friendly & gets right into people’s faces & dosent understand personal space.
He’s hypermpbile
He has sensory issues & cant stand certain noises especially the food hall in school so he had ear defenders for at home & School when it distresses him.

He’s under a paediatrician, he’s seeing a private OT, an EP has assessed him (awaiting her report) and his school are intending on getting an EHCP in place although I don’t think his needs are severe enough for the LA to even look at one. The school definitely think there is something wrong but everyone else is on the fence I feel!

I spoke to the child dev centre manager today & she said his ped most likely won’t refer him to CHAMS straight away because it’s not so clear cut & dosent want to send him down the wrong path. I’m totally at a loss what to do & sometimes I think it’s just all our fault & we haven’t been hard enough on him as well as DH & I having our own issues & fighting a lot in front of him hasn’t helped.

Would we be better off waiting till he’s older to try & get a diagnosis? Or does he need to be assessed sooner rather then later so he gets the support he needs?

[BackforGood]

Obviously, I do not know your ds, so can only go on the information you have given, but, from that, I would be looking for an autism assessment. If he does have autism, then the sooner her gets that diagnosis, and the right support, the better. If the Paediatrician is 'unsure', then surely that is the point of a specialised assessment - it seems, in your area, from CAMHS. If he were certain either way, then the assessment wouldn't be needed.

I certainly wouldn't be walking away.

his school are intending on getting an EHCP in place although I don’t think his needs are severe enough for the LA to even look at one.

I'm not sure how you can believe he needs 1:1 support and yet suggest you don't think he would qualify for an EHCP. If he can't access his education without such a major adjustment, then he needs an EHCP assessment. If he doesn't 'qualify' for that, then how can the school demand you pay for additional support?