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Can't do right for doing wrong(13 Posts)
Advice please....been overweight most of my life...now in my 50's and joined SW ...have lost just over 3 stone and will hit my target with another 10lbs....but getting a lot of negative comments from family.
My partners family are all tiny - all size 6-8 and partner is tiny. When I started I was a size 18 and now comfortably fitting in a size 14. I was to them a bit of a joke...' oh you're nearly 3 times my size' etc etc .. but now it;'s 'oh when are you going to stop? you look ill' It just makes me so angry ....especially when they still go on about how I am still twice their size....
My family are all fairly rounded ...not hugely overweight but we enjoy our food and even they are going on at me. They got on to me for being too overweight and now apparently I am getting too thin! (really I'm still above my BMI)
I've just sat here tonight and eaten a whole packet of chocolate wispas (no good to me or anyone... I know)...but I really feel I can't please anyone... is anyone else in the same boat..?
Any advice or support gratefully received!
Good on you for taking your health in your hands.
Ignore family, you don;t have to please anyone but yourself.
You are doing it for you.
You have a packet of chocolate, good, you have satisfied an urge and now you can move on. Toss the empty packet and forget about it and them.
Enjoy the feeling being lighter gives you. You have lost a staggering 3 stones! Wow, that was certainly hard work. Harder than ignoring bitchy comments. Just reply next time : why do you feel you have the right to comment on my weight? I never comment on your hair/cooking/ whatever.
Some people seem to think they know best about your weight journey.
Well done for coming so far. I bet if you compare photos you will see a massive difference.
Draw a line under the chocolate.
Keep going because you want to and when people are negative call them out on it. I think when they see you for such a long time at one size, it can be a shock when you successfully lose the weight. Keep going because you want to.
Jealousy, shock... keep going. Fuck the whispas x
Both sides are trying to sabotage you.
Before, they were comfortable with how you looked as you made them look good (in their heads).
Now: Size 14 and you look fantastic! You're a threat to them so they are going to undermine you so that you go back to your old ways and the status quo is reinstated.
Get them out of your headspace. YOU are at SW because YOU want to a) be healthy b) buy the clothes you love, not just the once you can fit into c) do something for YOU!!
Don't worry about the chocolate. That was then. This is now.
Well done on the weight loss. What a fantastic achievement! Keep going and ignore their silly comments.
I lost a lot of weight a few years ago and experienced the same response. Most people don't lose weight evenly and quite often your face looks slimmer before the rest of your body. There was a period when my face looked gaunt even though I had another stone to lose. It took several months for it to return to looking healthy. Just ignore them!
Lovely and worthwhile advice from @KingIrving ...you are doing amazingly OP, ignore the commenters!!
Why would you want to please anyone? What you think of yourself is all that matters. I get told I exercise too much - I just enthusiastically agree to all comments: ‘You’ll wear yourself out, It’s not sustainable, You’ll get injured’ - all get vigorous head nodding, a ‘Yes, probably!’ and a huge from me.
You should be so proud of how you've taken a hugely positive and difficult step of losing weight and all the positive side effects that come with it.
But other people are the negative side effect. Like @ilovesliz says I think people don't like the status quo to change. In losing weight you've probably grown in confidence. Even if you don't notice it yourself, you're probably more outgoing, more active, wearing different clothes, maybe even updated the hair and make up over the last while. People see those changes and it scares them. Their reaction to you is less about you and more about them and their own insecurities and fears.
I'm really lucky to have a really supportive bunch of friends, family and work colleagues whilst on my SW journey (2st3lb, a LOT more to go), but there is one friend in particular who's tone when saying "you HAVE lost weight" is begrudging and surprised or loves to ask "should you be eating that" or says "you be careful now you're face will cave in if you lose too much". It's hard, because this is a really life affirming, positive, long term change for me as an individual that such negativity doesn't help.
That's just one person though, and you're getting it from everywhere You have the strength in you to keep going because how look how far you've come. Keep going, keep focused and stay on plan.
One pack of wispas isn't going to completely fuck things up - so move on from that, and very many good lucks for your next weigh in!
I really feel I can't please anyone.
Why do you feel the need to please anyone?
The only person to consider here is yourself.
All great advice, OP.
Heard this many times over the years at group.
Jealousy and insecurity at large.
Ignore and please yourself.
Thanks everyone...I know what you are saying is right on the ball...will definitely take Dafspunk's approach from now onx
You need a stockpile of witty, well rehearsed one liners with a smile- practice in front of the mirror!
I started dieting in January and lost 2.5 stone on a sugar free, low carb diet and took up running. I’m now a toned size 8 rather than a lumpy 14. It’s even more extreme when you lose weight on a ‘crazy diet’. I still want to lose another half stone. I get a lot of comments. My answers are usually:
Well at Christmas you said I didn’t need to lose weight. But now I have, you say I look great. So perhaps I was right?!
I run 40km a week so clearly I am eating something or i wouldn’t be able to do that would I?
And pointing out that I’m probably the healthiest person in the room it round the table including all the children eating salty, sugary rubbish. (This one goes down particularly well)
And don’t even get me started on people preaching to me about carbs and sugar when they know nothing about it! I don’t even respond to them. Once I told my bil eating pasta to ‘enjoy his flour and water’ when he was lecturing me that my heart would digest itself if I didn’t eat carbs...?
It’s bloody annoying. We are supposed to be perfect aren’t we? Not too fat, oh no, but also not too thin. Not eat junk food, but also not deprive yourself. Sticking to your diet a social events makes other people feel like they should too, and makes them feel bad. Hold your head up high and congratulate yourself on your hard work
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