DP's reaction to weight loss

[weeonion]

Hi folks.

I joined sw mid January and last week got my target of 6 stone 5 lbs off. I lost another 5 lbs this week so have lowered it so want another 2 lbs off.

That will put me just under the middle of the healthy weight range.

I think i look good and love that I feel.comfortable going out and enjoy clothes shopping again.

I tried something on tonight and showed dplease who said it looked nice. Practically straight after he said that tonight when looking at me he realised for the first time that he does have a preference for a certain body type and it isn't mine.

I am gutted and so hurt. He can see how it may be hurtful but also says that it is the truth.

So what the fuck do I now do?

[HumphreyCobblers]

That is an unbelievably mean thing to say. Is he often mean? Or is this out of character?

[AnachronisticCorpse]

You lose another 12 stone or so, instantly.

Huge congratulations on your weight loss. It sounds to me like he’s threatened by your new healthy and gorgeous figure. What a thundercunt.

[bettydraper31]

HEs probably jealous of how well you’ve done, and is feeling threatened. Carry on doing what you are doing and build your confidence higher and higher. You are your main priority, you can’t mother him.
Did you tell him it upset you?

Well done by the way OP, amazing xxx

[saladdays66]

congratulations! What a great achievement. Well done, you.

I'd say your h is feeling insecure due to your weight loss. Well, it's his loss, and his decision. You're obviously much healthier and happier at this new weight so just ignore him and keep going.
Bet he thinks you will go off with someone else now you have lost all that weight.

What body shape does he find attractive, btw?

Keep on keeping on!

[WatchingFromTheWings]

So what the fuck do I now do?

Bin him.

[MadameJosephine]

Sorry your DP is being a twat OP but I believe it’s fairly common when soneone loses a lot of weight and becomes more confident that their partner can feel insecure and sometimes this means that they can try to knock your confidence.

Don’t let him get you down. You’ve achieved so much and I’m sure there’s plenty of other men who would disagree with him!! Well done

[iggleypiggly]

Well done you! What an inspiration. Don’t let him piss on your parade. He’s jealous!

[SantaStuckInTheChimney]

I agree, he probably feels threatened and insecure because how well you're doing.

Well done with the weight loss OP! Get rid of that other 12 stone while you're at it.

[greenapplesplatter]

You've done amazing OP, don't let him bring you down. Quite likely he just feels threatened.

I'll never forget an old work colleague, his wive lost an amazing amount when slimming world was first taking off, I'm sure it was around 13 stone. She was in the national press etc.

Another colleague said to him: so are you having sex more now X?

X: I wouldn't say so

Colleague: I bet your Mrs is!!

This is the way some male brains work unfortunately. You've lost it for yourself & you've done brilliantly, you should be very proud 👏

[nigelschristmasham]

In great shape himself is he?
I would ignore him op. Or tell
Him that having thought about it you have a preference for a certain personality type and unfortunately it's not his.

[Puppymouse]

I had the same OP. Lost nearly 5 stone a few years ago. I was sane as you around middle to lower middle range for my height. DH didn't say specifically that he no longer fancied me but he barely went near me and consistently said I was too thin and look better with some weight on.

[weeonion]

He isn't normally mean. Bit blunt at times but certainly not malicious.

I was so shocked when he said it. He knows how low I felt about myself this time last year. Knowing him, I don't think he meant it in a way to knock my confidence. He was just being honest. That is his truth.

He didn't say what his preference is. I don't want to know right now either. All I know is I am not it.

I know I have achieved alot. I am proud of that and feel good about myself for doing it. I have been really focused but didn't intend to have lost it all by this stage. It has been hard but not as hard as I thought it would be. The funny thing is that he has also lost weight through changes I have made for all the family.

I can't even look at him right now do heading to bed. I don't think he even gets how hurt I am.

[weeonion]

Oh and well done to everyone who lost weight.

[ProfessorPickles]

I'm so sorry he's been so cruel to you OP, I can't imagine that he's just being blunt. I think he knows exactly how cruel it was to say that, who wouldn't?

You need to tell him how that made you feel it else it'll hang over you and bring you down. I've done it myself and words said to me 9 years ago still hurt, where I think it I had confronted them I wouldn't remember it to vividly.

You have done amazingly well and he's jealous, he's said what he did out of his own insecurities.

[ProfessorPickles]

So many typos

[RavingRoo]

Is he hinting he prefers a slimmer build, or that he preferred you before?

[rollingonariver]

Congratulations! That's amazing!
I reckon it's because he's feeling a bit shit about himself. He's probably feeling quite insecure that you're now confident in yourself, not necessarily to knock you but sort of lashing out because you're like this now. You're probably getting more looks from men etc.
I fed DP up after I gave birth so we could be fat together, I only realised how awful that is right now 🤔

[weeonion]

Ravingroo- I don't know. If it is slimmer - well that will be nearly impossible for me to achieve and if bigger - well I don't want to be like that again. Either way, the way I am now is not his preference.

[MadameJosephine]

I can't even look at him right now do heading to bed. I don't think he even gets how hurt I am

Then you need to tell him OP, if you’d said something that hurt him you’d want to know wouldn’t you do you could apologise and make things right. Your feelings matter just as much as his

[weeonion]

Spoke with dp. He still struggles to see that I am hurt as in his mind, he thinks I would prefer him to tell me the truth and not lie. I did point out that I didn't ask him if my body was his type so he wasn't placed in a position of telling the truth or lying.

He has apologised but tbh he thinks I am over reacting and that if I like the way I look then no-one else's opinion matters, including his. I know that theoretically he is right but emotionally his opinion does matter.

[weeonion]

I was meant to be going to a work function early this evening but decided to give it a rain check so having an indulgent hour to myself in a quiet coffee shop.

[Killerfiller]

He is definitely jealous and it's probably made him insecure.

Good for you!!!

[MyBrilliantDisguise]

What an incredibly bitchy remark he made. The only point in telling you that was to bring you down.

Do you have children together? How old are you and how long have you been together?

Do you think the balance of power has shifted now that you're more confident in your body?

[lifesaverormassmurderer]

Do you think he deliberately said it so you wouldn't go out to your work function?

[Raisedbyguineapigs]

It was an unnecessary thing to say and deliberately hurtful. If the only thing that mattered was how you feel, then why say it? Does he need to lose weight too? Does he feel your weight loss is some kind of implied criticism of him or feel that you won't fancy him so he has to get in first? I think the only thing you can do is carry on as you are. He'll have to get used to it. You can't be unhappy and unhealthy for the sake of someone else.