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How do you feel about your weightloss? I am finding one aspect so hard

(13 Posts)
Flossyfloof Sat 02-Jul-16 20:50:05

We all know that no one wants to be big and the very fact that we are doing SW means that the are trying to do something about it, with more or less success.
I have lost a fair bit over the last 3 or 4 years, first on my own and latterly lost almost a stone with SW. Even when I reach my target ( only a couple of lbs to go) I will still be technically overweight.
I don't feel as if I have lost that much. I was me before and I am still me. A few times recently I have met people who I haven't seen for over a year. I hate people commenting on my weightloss, it makes me feel so shitty about how I must have looked before, even though I felt I looked ok. The reaction of these two people has made me feel so embarrassed. The first one didn't recognise me at first and said " Wow, you've lost loads of weight!" and I honestly could hear him saying in his head " because you were a real fat bastard before!" ( he's a lovely bloke and I don't really think he would have said or thought anything of the sort, it's just how it sounded).
Today, In front of a few people I don't know well this other person commented that she barely recognised me and have I lost loads of weight? I am finding it so hard, I don't want people to comment especially not in front of others. I feel I must have looked so awful before. My weightloss journey has been slow and difficult and I feel very positive about what I have done but I don't want to be reminded of where I have come from.

Geepee71 Sat 02-Jul-16 21:01:20

Flossy, well done on your weight loss, I'm not at the stage where people are noticing any changes with me, but only lost 10lb so far, but I think its people just not thinking and saying the first thing that pops in their head. I think they are being well meaning! Maybe not very tactful.
If they don't reconpgnise you, they might be embarrassed and on the hop, to try and excuse their comments.
I'm sure it will get easier. Also everyone wants a quick miracle weight loss, so won't appreciate how hard you have worked to lose weight.
I doubt they think about how you used to look, up just that you look different now.
Like if someone says you look well, the default is to think they say you look fat!

Drquin Sat 02-Jul-16 21:28:21

I know exactly how you're feeling ....... I've lost just over 3 stone this year.

I've had people tell me I look great / fantastic ...... Which is lovely ..... But the negative in my head is do they mean I didn't before?!
A really good friend just said I must feel so much healthier ..... I genuinely don't know, I didn't really have any obvious health concerns at my heaviest (notwithstanding the usual risk factors for future health). But if I'm honest, yes I do feel "healthier" for exercising a half-decent amount and not eating quite so much rubbish. But it feels a weakness on my part to admit that, so I just do usual brushing it off.

The upshot is you need to be happy ..... And you don't need to justify any previous behaviour / habits to anyone. If someone tells you you look great, just say thank you ..... And return a compliment to them.

Get to your target and re-assess if you want. It be "still" be a stone overweight by some calculations, but it may be a level you're happy at. Or you may knock another couple of pounds off. I'm at my lightest ever as an adult but still a good few stone overweight ..... I don't have an image of what slim me looks like. So I'm not sure what target weigh will be ..... I'm just going to press on with each lb / Hal-stone achievement.

You've done great so far. Don't worry too much about other folk ...... My favourite retort to any ar$e is that I can change my appearance by losing weight much easier than they can stop being an ar$e!!

--Must take own advice--smile

Flossyfloof Sat 02-Jul-16 23:27:43

Thanks and well done to you both too! It is so hard for me even to lose a pound or two. Geepee "only" 10 lb is a huge amount! I think I read that is a dress size.
Drquin I am the lightest I have been for maybe 15 or 20 years too. The whole thing is so emotional for me. I look in the mirror and am by no stretch of the imagination slim, in fact the mirror shows I definitely need to lose more. I feel ashamed that I let myself go so much and did nothing about it and I feel maybe I kidded myself that I looked nice. Now I think I didn't.

Drquin Sat 02-Jul-16 23:45:26

I'm quite sure you did look nice before ....... Because looking nice is about more than just dress-size.
You, & I, & others may think we look better now ...... And maybe they're right, maybe we do. But that doesn't mean you didn't look good before.

Anyway, does it really matter? My wardrobe & dressing table will disagree with this sentiment but ....... This is so much more than just how we look. This is about your health, and how you feel, your mental health.

Let's be honest with each other, we probably do look better now. But be kind to yourself - you've changed your life. And the people in your life who are really important will love you for who YOU are, not your dress size or whether skinny jeans look good on you or not smile

I did ParkRun for the first time today. I was last .... Except for the tail-runner volunteer. But she said one thing that stuck with me ..... Ok it wasn't the fastest 5k ever, but it's 5k more than everyone who is still in their beds!

Flossyfloof Sat 02-Jul-16 23:49:10

5k?? <faints>
That's brilliant and as we all know, much more than running 5k today.

itmustbemyage Sun 03-Jul-16 01:45:11

I have had a few people say to me how different I look - I have lost more than 4 stone, most of them have not said how thin I look, just how well I look. It's all been women so far and I think honestly most, if not all women, have tried to lose weight themselves so they know how hard it is to stick to a diet for months on end and they make comments cause they want to be supportive. Also some are curious about how I have managed it, i have had many positive responses when I have said SW rather than some weird diet replacement plan, or taking some weird supplements.
I do feel a bit embarrased when people comment so I simply say thank you and try and change the subject, unless people ask for specific information about SW which I am happy to discuss.
I'm sure the people commenting on your transformation are trying to be supportive and in no way judged the way you looked before. In fact you didn't need their approval then or indeed now, you chose to lose weight for yourself and you and you alone will decide the weight you feel comfortable to stick at.
I have commented to friends of mine who have lost weight in the past and my motives were purely meant to support them on the hard,hard road that is weight loss.I never meant that I thought they looked bad before and so looked better now. In fact it was a friend losing a lot of weight with SW that inspired me to start.

PhloppysFonics Sun 03-Jul-16 08:35:02

I don't know why people comment on weight loss but would never dream to comment on weight gain. It's a shame that it's socially acceptable to do so but actually can be excruciating for the recipient - weight is such an emotive topic for many. I can totally understand your awkwardness/embarrassment and have been there several times over.

When I was a lot younger I lost a stone and got loads of compliments... The trouble was I was struggling with anorexia. The compliments spurred me on to deeper and darker depths.

For that reason I would never comment on someone's weight loss or gain, it's far too personal.

I have always said a quick thanks and then subject change, people often want to talk about it though which I find painful.

You should be so proud of yourself. hopefully it's just a case of time passing which will stop the comments.

Geepee71 Sun 03-Jul-16 09:06:23

Thanks Flossy, I know 10lb is a lot, I've been doing SW for 8 weeks and finding it pretty straightforward, still have 3 stone to lose though.
I'm sure you looked great before as drquin said, and now you look different, as long as you are comfortable in yourself that's what shows.

Sweetgreen Sun 03-Jul-16 09:15:32

OP, do you have dc and did you use to be slimmer before having dC?
If yes, just say, yelp, finally back to my pre-bababy weight.

PaintedDrivesAndPolishedGrass Sun 03-Jul-16 09:16:30

The thing is Op, if people you know didn't mention your weight loss you would probably be tying yourself in knots thinking all kinds of imaginary reasons for the lack of comments. Be proud of who you are and what you have achieved, people are not thinking what you imagine, they are noticing your achievement. Give them a big smile and say yes.

Drquin Sun 03-Jul-16 09:20:32

And whilst you faint OP I can't now move ... my legs think they are dead-weights (ha ha) and are refusing to get out of bed this morning! Great ideas eh?!

Flossyfloof Mon 04-Jul-16 22:12:01

Have you managed to get out of bed today Drquin? What have you got on for tomorrow? 10 k perhaps?

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