Dissapointed, could do with a boost :((8 Posts)
I'm doing Slimming World, doing very well all things considered, lost four and half stone out of seven that I need in total (according to BMI).
For years I have had so much stick from my family about my weight, name calling and all sorts. I was big as a kid and remember being told, aged 11, I look 6 months pregnant in a swim suit.
I've gone from an 18/20 down to a small 14. I mostly need a size 12 on top and a 14 on the bottom. I got into my first size 12 jeans and I was over the moon.
When I mentioned it to my lot I got stiff looks and a very grudging 'that's good'. If it was so important that I lose weight all these years why do I not get so much as a well done now??!
I wont stop without praise because I much prefer how I look now and the health benefits. That said it bloody hurts! For years I heard endless crap so I deserve the same level of bloody enthusiasm for my success.
Oh Hun. I am very similar to you . Always been overweight and family always called me names, denied me treats and made feel so self conscious that I gained Even more weight.
After some counselling and therapy My personal view is they did the due to their own insecurities and nothing to do with me and similar to you now that I'm loosing weight it's playing on their insecurities so they are unable to praise and encourage, it's their problem and absolutely nothing to do with you. Don't expect it from them and just get it from yourself and your sw group. Every day tell yourself how great you're doing. You are wonderful and have achieved amazing results.
I think probably after years of feeling shame from your family you want them to show you pride, but it probably won't happen sadly. I found counselling helpful and also found writing them a letter so helpful. My therapist recommended it. I wrote it from my as a child saying why all those tinge hurt me and how they should have done it differently. Then I wrote back as me now. The letters didn't get sent it was just to help me process the emotions.
Give yourself lots of praise for all you've achieved and don't expect it from family. You are doing it for you not them.
Thank you, I was feeling very hurt and your message really helped. I feel the best I've ever felt and I won't let them hold me back xx
Hack.....come to the long thread.....we are so friendly and encouraging and it's kept loads of us going.
I bet you look fab. Come and post some pictures.
Hackattack first of all well done on your fantastic weightless so far! And here have a big hug too. Your story sounds very similar to mine, I found eventually when I started to loose the pounds my families behaviour changed too they went from going on at me saying you need to loose weight to trying to sabotage my weightless e.g mum I've lost 5 pounds this week. (Mum) oh well only another 9 stone to go have a piece of cake as a treat. My sil used to always tell me I was a beautiful lady regardless of my weight as soon as I lost quite a few stone and felt better enough about myself to tart myself up etc she stopped commenting on my weight never complemented me tried to get me to join in on naughty binges etc. My partner was exactly the same. You need to get healthy for yourself and stuff everyone else (flowers)
Hack I think Mrs Darcy has summed it up really well.
I've been with my DH nearly 20 years and put on nearly 8st during that time. He has never been disparaging or made me feel bad about my weight, but after countless past attempts that have come to naught he just snorted when I told him I was joining SW a fortnight ago and hasn't commented about it since.
I'm not that bothered tbh, but I suspect he will find the adjustment difficult when it becomes more noticeable, and that is something I'm not looking forward to.
Well done! You should be nothing but proud of what you have achieved!
The problem is is that people find it easier to be critical than give praise. May stem from jealously, being insecure or even just being an arsehole!
Don't let them upset you. You don't need their praise to be happy.
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