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Struggling...

(33 Posts)
emwithme Fri 02-Oct-15 12:51:26

So I'm 14 weeks in and 12.5 lbs down sad ANOTHER gain this week (only half a pound but still fucking upwards)

I cannot motivate myself properly to do this - even though I look at photos and see a fucking giant munter in them (was Best Friend's hen weekend a couple of weeks ago - gained two pounds - and there was not a single photo of me that I didn't want to rip off facebook and throw out of the window) and I know I can't carry on at this weight.

I can't do more exercise (I am disabled - but not disabled enough to get PIP, according to the letter from the DWP yesterday), am struggling with just doing day-to-day stuff so where I would previously have gone to the gym and beasted myself for a couple of hours to kick-start things, I can't.

I can't spend hours cooking (I'm lucky if I can manage to make a meal without fucking falling over in the kitchen or dropping the knife and cutting myself) so I can't make all the nice things I made five years ago when I did SW and lost five stone.

I just want to chop my fucking head off (at least that way I'd get my stone certificate)

emwithme Fri 02-Oct-15 19:40:42

And it's not going to get any easier. Went to doctors today. Ended up crying all over her and have now been prescribed anti-depressants. I know (logically) I need them but any time I've been on happy pills before I end up gaining a metric fuck-ton of weight and I don't want to do that this time (not only because I've got my best mate's wedding at the end of the month and my fucking size cunty 22 dress fits lovely)

Seriously. I'm at chopping a limb off time.

LakeFlyPie Fri 02-Oct-15 21:22:08

em, I'm so sorry you're having a crap time.
It's so hard to turn around the anger and frustration when you feel this way.

Please see the positive that you have lost practically a stone and could be well on your way to the next one by your friends wedding.
It's so easy to undo the amazing work you've done when your head's in a sad place, don't let yourself undo it.
You deserve to succeed and you can do it!

emwithme Sat 03-Oct-15 22:38:17

Thanks for your response.

I know I need to do this (because I'm not buying bigger jeans!) but it's so bloody disheartening going to group and losing 1/2 a lb or gaining when you only had one evening off-plan when there's people there who are dropping 3/4/5 lbs in a week and laughing about how much wine they drank.

I have stayed on plan totally today even through the bloody rugby and am going to tomorrow as well. I am doing this one day at a time.

I haven't started on the happy tabs yet - DH is away for the weekend (volunteering thing he's had planned for ages and him not going would mean that they didn't have the adult:child ratio required for bits of it) and I don't feel safe starting new tablets without him here.

I just wish there was a magic button to press to be slim and gorgeous (or even not fat and not ugly).

emmaluvseeyore Sun 04-Oct-15 10:57:15

Sorry to hear you are having a bad time. Your new medication may help you get into the right mind space to start losing again. Personally, I would hate going to group and listening to everyone going on about how much wine they drank etc. I have been doing it online since April and find it works well for me.

Do you know why you are gaining or is it a shock come weigh in? If it is the latter, are you keeping an honest food diary? I find that helps me get back on track after a bad week.

I don't know how much cooking you are able to do, but I have found there are lots of pre-chopped veggies around nowadays (slightly more expensive I know). You can get frozen chopped onions which are great if you don't have much time/struggle to chop things yourself. I also use my food processor to chop things - so handy!

FlopIsMyParentingGuru Sun 04-Oct-15 11:07:13

Oh you poor thing you have my complete sympathies. I've completely lost my mojo the past two weeks and had a shockingly bag week of me going AWOL as far as eating to plan goes.
I've spent the last 24 hours with d and v which has made me realise how much I want to be healthy so an going to recommit once I can keep water down
I'm also going to head off with my credit card next week when the new iceland slimming world meals come out as I'm so tired of cooking everything from scratch and, in my case, having to do different things for the kids.
So, what's your diagnosis for your diet? Are you following at it's not working (in which case maybe it's not the plan for you)? Are you not eating enough speed foods? Or is it just too much work (and anyone who says Slimming World is easy is lying because it takes effort making everything from scratch even if that is a good thing to do)?

shutupanddance Sun 04-Oct-15 11:11:12

You should be fucking delighted eith yourself. You have lost nearly a stone. Keep going best you can. As far as exercise goes, you cant out exersice a bad diet. Keep
Going. flowers

emwithme Mon 05-Oct-15 15:02:02

Thank you all. I know I should be delighted with nearly losing a stone but I think that because it came off so easily last time I did SW (I lost 5 stone in just over a year, four years ago; kept all but one off until the last year and was happy with that) I'm being too hard on myself.

I'm off to the pharmacy shortly to pick up my happy pills. Had a lovely chat with DH last night about how I'm feeling. I know he loves me however big or small I am, so that's a bonus. It's all about how good I feel about myself.

But on a better note, I had ANOTHER day totally on-plan yesterday. Bacon, eggs, mushrooms, beans and tomato for brunch again and then roast beef, yorkies (6 syns for 3 Waitrose frozen ones), roasties, broccoli, carrots, green beans and proper gravy (7 syns), with yoghurt and fruit for snacks and hifi bars as my HEB just before bed. NOM.

emmaluvseeyore Mon 05-Oct-15 15:47:47

Just keep at it and you will get there slowly but surely. Try and forget about what you did last time as you aren't the same as you were back then.

shutupanddance Mon 05-Oct-15 15:54:21

Glad you sound in a better place today and your food sounds yum.flowers

emwithme Tue 06-Oct-15 17:56:29

Started the pills last night. Actually slept from about 15 minutes after I went to bed right through to my "take your painkillers" alarm this morning...and then for another five hours grin I feel like I've been whacked with a sleepy stick right now.

Stayed on plan for food yesterday too (YAY!) - fruit and yoghurt for brekkie, a couple of mugshot pasta jobs for lunch and then meatloaf in tomato sauce with pasta for tea, and hifi bars for a pre-bed snack.

Today I've been to Pets at Home and spent a fortune, we have new (10 week old) kittens arriving tomorrow so we need to get stuff set up for them.

WorktoLive Wed 07-Oct-15 10:09:58

flowers Sorry you are having a hard time and well done on the loss so far.

I lost about 10 pounds in June and July on SW and have then pissed about through August and September and gained and lost the same 2 or 3 pounds.

I am determined to lose half a stone in October - I am thinking of doing a 'sugar stoptober' as I just binge on biscuits, cake etc and once I start, I can't stop.

envy about the kittens. We currently only have one cat due to elderly ones passing away and the house feels so empty (for years we had between 3 and 5) but are currently having buidling work done so the house and garden is in disarray. When it is finished we are definitely getting more kittens, or may become kitten fosters for Cats Protection.

Can your DH cook some SW friendly meals for you both to enjoy? Can you use frozen veg to cut down on the prep?

Have you tried the SW range at Iceland? Some are not bad and the portions are quite big so you could add extra veg/salad to make them feed both of you, especially if cost is an issue.

Can you swim for exercise? Good luck!

emwithme Fri 09-Oct-15 12:13:45

I DID IT! I got my stone award yesterday grin

The kittens are wonderful, you can't help but smile when you've got two little hooligans trying to eat your toes.

I'm just going to keep going, one day at a time, and try not to let stuff get to me (which is easier said than done).

emmaluvseeyore Fri 09-Oct-15 16:07:38

Congratulations!!!

emwithme Fri 09-Oct-15 17:56:54

Thanks. I'm really happy about it.

The "increased appetite" side effect has come into force today, and bearing in mind I'm due on in three or four days means I want to eat EVERYTHING. I am trying to be good and snack on fruit/veg, yoghurt etc (when actually I want to dive head-first into a vat of dairy milk and crisps) Just had a mugshot which (hopefully) will do the trick for a bit (DH is working late so not having tea until 8-ish)

emmaluvseeyore Fri 09-Oct-15 19:23:58

Oh I know that feeling! That's been me this week. I get my chocolate fix by eating those Dairy Milk Little Bars. They aren't many syns but still really yummy.

fraggle84 Sat 10-Oct-15 16:40:19

Just wondered if you had considered appealing the pup decision? I did and was successful

I'm on sw as I was on steroids a fair bit over the past 2 years and need to get my weight back to a healthy bmi

1 stone 11 gone but still at least 2 stone to go

ihavenonameonhere Sat 10-Oct-15 17:07:07

Don't worry about the exercise too much, in terms of weight loss it is very much overstated unless you are doing serious carido.

You have your stone now so just keep going smile

emwithme Sat 10-Oct-15 18:59:47

Fraggle I am definitely going to appeal - got the assessor's report through yesterday so will compose my "Mandatory Reconsideration" request over the next week or so. My friend (who came with me to the appointment) says the decision is ridiculous and she's doing a letter in support too.

Had another day on plan, and some lovely cuddles with my kittens. Went to Iceland today and bought a load of curries and am looking forward to curry night with DH later when he gets off his arse and cooks the rice I also got some meatballs to cook and chill so I can have them for nibbles in the week.

I've been referred to the local "get active" scheme and have had some vouchers through that I can use to try out different sports/activities. I think I'm going to try Aqua Aerobics first.

emwithme Mon 12-Oct-15 14:42:38

Had a fucking hideous day and night yesterday, random tears and feeling suicidal, ending up after midnight sitting staring at a giant pile of pills just going over reasons not to take them (the only one that worked was that it's my best mate's wedding in 13 days and I can't do it to her). In the end, my DH (when he realised I wasn't in bed next to him) literally wrestled them away from me (I am slightly bruised where he grabbed me, but hey, I'm here to be bruised) and has taken all but what I need to take today (ie 4 paracetamol and 2 codeine) to work with him.

I then ate lots because I was feeling sad and it was 2 am.

Oh well. One night. And I'm still here.

Back on plan today. I have played with the kittens this morning which was lovely. I am now going to cook myself some bacon and eggs and read my book in advance of my college lesson tonight.

THIS WILL NOT BEAT ME.

RavioliOnToast Wed 14-Oct-15 05:42:46

Keep going! Right now, it's people like YOU that are my inspiration! You've lost almost a stone! That's bloody amazing. Losing weight is very very hard, you are doing brilliantly. Keep going smile

Jackiec164 Wed 14-Oct-15 07:50:15

I've been doing Sw for 12 weeks and only lost 1 stone I'm getting really frustrated now because I never cheat and have been fully motivated I decided yesterday to Google my hrt medication and the reviews are saying people have put 2 to 3st on has any one else had this problem with hormone replacements x

emmaluvseeyore Wed 14-Oct-15 11:05:29

My mum has just started HRT and her boobs have got bigger in the week or so she has been taking it. The menopause was really messing her up emotionally, so she has decided that she needs to be better emotionally otherwise she has no hope of getting control of her weight.

emwithme Wed 14-Oct-15 23:20:43

Well it's weigh in tomorrow morning and I'm ready for whatever the scales say; I think it's going to be a gain as I've just come on.

Saw the doctor again today. Discussed Sunday's feelings (and actions...I am bruised from where hubby had to grab/restrain me etc). She's happy with how I'm going on the happy tablets so we're not changing anything at the moment, and I've got an appointment to see her in a month. My vitamin D levels are low no shit Sherlock, I've been saying that for a while and I've got supplements now so that should help generally.

Jackie hormones can do weird things (see the whole "I came on so I'm expecting a gain" above) but if it's working for you in other ways, then it can only be beneficially to stay on it. Just think - if other people have put on 2 or 3 stones and you've lost one, then that's doing really well.

We're doing a Christmas taster at group tomorrow, so I've cooked and chilled some of the Iceland meatballs - I thought they were AWFUL hot with pasta and sauce but cold as a nibble they're really nice (spicy little protein balls). I'm also going to buy a Countdown so I'm committed until the New Year.

emwithme Thu 15-Oct-15 16:46:17

As I thought, it was a gain, but only a lb which bearing in mind I'm on (and I ate the contents of the snack cupboard in the early hours of Monday morning) I'm really happy with. We had Christmas taster, and I got a lovely recipe for a game terrine that I'm thinking of having over Christmas (or earlier if I can get DH's help in the kitchen). I also won the raffle, which was the ingredients for the ratatouille from the new magazine, so we'll be cooking that on Saturday.

I shall Keep On Keeping On, because the alternative is not to, and that's not an alternative.

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