Had a hideous night - again - please help!(15 Posts)
Hope you can give me a few ideas, as I feel Im drowning under all the conflicting advice!
This is the scenario:
My dd is 23 weeks and has always woken numerous times in the night. To be honest I am just so tired and getting a bit desparate. Im back to work part time in 6 weeks which includes a couple of on-call duties overnight, so I feel I really need to get her out of the every two hours (often less) habit, as I may not be at home to feed/comfort her.
She is bf and I started her on solids a couple of weeks ago, breakfast and afternoon meal as well as her usual breast feeds. The general routine is bath/massage /cuddles 6pm then a bf and in bed ( the cot is in our room)for 7pm. She goes down awake and usually goes off quite happily with a dummy I might add (more about that later!)
Wakes between 10 and 11pm crying and has a feed, and goes straight back down no probs. From hereon in its pretty much waking every two hours.
I have tried 1)chilling out and going with the flow and feeding her in bed with me every time she wakes on the advice of a LLL bf counsellor, which is ok, but I dont sleep well that way and dont feel that its addressing the habit waking.
2) Giving boiled water instead of feeding on the advice of hv, which seems to work for about 5 mins, then its back to screaming 3) Starting solids, which has made no difference, although it seems she could eat more 4)Pick up put down, which seems to infuriate her even more.
The last couple of nights she has just cried/ moaned/ screamed with her dummy in and arms reaching up in the air which is heartbreaking to see. The minute I or dh picks her up shes quiet and even all smiles! She has a VERY strong will and can keep this up for hours. I am seriously considering sleep training/cc and poss moving her cot out into her room to make this a bit easier.
The thing is, she is the model baby in the day 2 nice naps 1 to 1.5 hrs each and not too late in the afternoon, goes easily 4hrs betwwen feeds with no fus and is generally contented. She just creates merry hell at night.
I havent mentioned rolling over and getting stuck on her front repeatedly, losing the dummy etc etc Im sure you all get the drift now!! .
SO - sorry about the rant - what to do about it?
CC and own room a good idea?
Is she hungry - do I increase the solids as she always seems to be able to eat more than I give her? I just dont want to overload her.
Forgot to say tha tshe has whittled down feeding time to 10 mins (way before I introduced solids)and Ive tried everything to get her to take more, upped frequency of feeds, changing sides etc, but shes not interested beyond the 10 mins. So have to presume that shes getting enough. Shes small but weight gain is slow but steady.
Im also wondering if I should tackle going without the dummy at the same time as cc - kill 2 birds with one stone - how much worse can it be .
I really dont mind feeding dd once during the night - thats not a problem, neither do I EXPECT her to go through the night at her age, but surely 1 to 2 hrly waking is not the norm?
I really apologise for the long and disjointed post, but Im feeling fed up and not all together this morning - Im heading for a coffee and chocolate muffin
Plus periods have started again this morning - the day gets better and better.
Looking forward to your ideas,
I can wholely sympathise with you, my ds2 was the same (although i never breastfed), in all honesty he has only recently started sleeping through the night - he is 2.
I would recommend putting her in her own room, i found that when i had ds in the room with me, i was aware of his every move and paranoid that he was about to wake all of the time. When he went into his on room, i found that i slept better ( even though he was still waking occasionaly)
hugs to you, i know how crap it is without decent sleep and it is that reason alone why i would not even consider another child, the sleepless nights are just too much.
hope you find a solution xx
Definitely go for the own room.
When they're in the room with you you are constantly disturbing each other so with a bit of dark and peace and quiet you might find she sleeps a bit better.
If she seems ready to eat more than you're giving her then I'd give her more. Especially if she's quite small I don't think you'll be in danger of overfeeding her and it might help if you fill her up, especially since it doesn't sound like she's drinking much at a go.
pop her in her own room - get a lullaby night light things that comes on when they cry - and keep your door closed a bit.
Then she has to be really crying for you to hear her - not just the whiney trying it on cry. Thats what I do with my ds.
also check not cold as its been cold the past few nights.
presumably not teeth if she is smiley when picked up??
Hi, no - no sign of teeth at all or any other teething symptoms.
Just thought Id say I was worried about upping the solids from the bunging her up angle. I do offer water too, but she takes very little. Im happy to give her more solids just didnt want to constipate her by too much too soon.
Hi Lilupix, I can sympathise, sleep deprivation is just dire I used to have the same problems with night waking with my dd (who also has a dummy - double edged sword!) but once she was established on solids she did stop waking quite so often every night. She does still wake up a few times each night but as she is 10mths old and can usually find her own dummy again she quite often settles herself, so hopefully your situation will also improve over the next few months.
I think I'm right in saying that once a baby reaches 6mths they generally don't need a night feed, so maybe increasing the food during the day would be a good way to go - my dd knows when she has had enough and I think bf babies do have quite good appetite control so I don't think she will keep eating to the point where she is overfull.
I also moved dd into her own room when she was about 7mths and that did improve things for us both because I suspect she was being disturbed by us in the room as much as the other way around - but it was a bit of a pain at first for me having to go into another room to settle her again rather than lean out the bed into the cot
Good luck, I know it's not easy but remember this is just a phase that will only last a short time, and you will start to get more sleep soon.
Do you think she is genuinely hungry when she wakes? if she is then just feed her. My ds went through spells of sleeping through and also waking once, twice sometimes 3 times a night. He had a bottle feed at 6.30 and bf's during the night incl bottle dream feed at 11pm. dh gave him a bottle at bedtime so I knew how much he was having and also to force as much in as poss. sometimes it was formula or sometimes it was ebm.
I know how u feel my 5 1/2 month old dd is doing the same as your lo, except she doesn't sleep for longer than 45 mins in the day !!
good luck with all the advice i hope something works for both our sanitys sake xx
Buy an amby I think they're fantastic. Ds3 won't sleep in a cot (I've tried to put him in one in the last couple of days- he's 7 months now) so I've out him back in his amby- he sleeps for 12 hours in that.
I wasn't sure he'd like it but they sell for a good price on ebay so I figured if he hated it I would have just sold it. As it is when he's finished with it I'm keeping it for the grandchildren
difficult one until you know whats the problem. Is it the dummy loss or is she a cheeky monkey and is trying it on. Dummy loss is easy, short ribbon with nappy safety pin to bed clothes or put 4 or 5 dummies in cot so she can find one at least. If she smiles and goes quiet when lifted then she's a monkey and you will have to leave her to cry herself to sleep. Really tough but shes playing games with you and focus on that. A couple of days should stop that nonsense. Its gotta be done or you are doomed.
Thank you all for your suggestions and kind words. I was having a bad day and decided to tackle the problem head on! SO ....
I've upped her solids to 3 meals a day and am giving her as much as she wants, also breast feeding in between as she wants and first and last thing. Also topped up the 10.30pm feed with another couple of oz ebm if poss.
Decided to try to ignore the crying (well not feed her) if she woke in the night up till about 5am, figuring that she would have been very well fed and she would just be messing about!
In my madness I also thought that if I was doing all this I might as well try and wean her off the dummy at the same time as we would be going through hell anyway!!
Well to my amazement she had her afternoon nap without her dummy - lots of crying but settled after about 15 mins. Then went to bed and settled within 5 mins dummyless . After her late feed and top up she woke briefly at 3.20 am but settled after a little moan for a few mins. Then slept till 5.20 am when I fed her (I was so proud of her I thought she deserved it!).
Today no dummy all day. Have given lots to eat and she is much more contented. Had all her naps with no hassle.
I was expecting a nightmare but so far she has really surprised me. I know its early days and could still go horribly wrong but its a major step in the right direction.
She was obviously hungry, and definitely hungry in the night due to lack of calories in the day. Her 10 min feeds probably weren't filling her up enough at all and I was being stingy with the solids.
My hv told me to go with the flow and be guided by her as to how much to feed and I was surprised how much more food she wanted, as well as still having all her regular 10 min bfs.
I had been holding off as I really wanted to exclusively bf till 6 mths and I guess I felt guilty starting solids a bit early. It just goes to show that they are all different. She limited herself on the breastfeeding front and has embraced additional food.
Anyway we'll see how it goes but I truly feel I've made a breakthrough and am gobsmacked about the dummy business. dd1 (now 7) had hers till 3yrs and it was a mare trying to lose it.
I wont go on , Im sure you can all tell how chuffed I am! If it goes pear shaped I'll let you know....
That's excellent news Lilupix, you've inspired me to tackle dd's dummy addiction....I'll let you know if I can crack it too
babynovice - it is SO worth doing, she seems a lot more relaxed herself as she is not always looking for the dummy. She was pretty dependant on it, which was my fault. One night I lost count (over 12 times I know), how many times I got up to put it back in - and in the end I was lying awake having settled her waiting for it to pop out!
Go for it , you just have to steel it out and think that she (and you) will be happier in the end. dd now finds her fingers if she needs a bit of sucking.
Good luck and persevere!
Yes, I remember those horrendous nights with countless trips of dummy retrieval....what a nightmare, but it did improve once dd was old enough to find her own dummy But I would much prefer she didn't rely on one at all especially now she has so many teeth, there always seems like a good reason to keep going with the dummy though e.g. teething but I suppose there is never a good time really. Right, I'm going to try it tonight
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