21 month old still not sleeping through. after cc, it's a whole lot worse. Up at 3 am refusing to sleep

[ErnestTheBavarian]

She's never slept through. Has been waking up say twice a night for easy life I'd give her quick bf, then she'd go straight back to sleep, sometimes I would, sometimes not.

Then she got poorly (nothing major, cold & ear infection) so waking every couple of hours, but once better still continued waking up every couple of hours.

Me at end of tether. We decided to try to sleep train her. Problem is, if I go to her, she's not comforted, but screams 10 times worse.

So, 1st couple of nights dh goes to her (evening, say 10, 11 pm) and she settles. All seems well.

Actually had a a couple nights of sleeping through.

But last few nights she's been waking about 3 am and just screaming and screaming and screaming. If I go to her she will not go back to bed, if I try to put her in she screams 10 times louder. Whole house awake. Dh philosophy is just to leave her. I tried this morning but I just can't do it. I cannot leave her for 40 minutes, and hour however long just screaming and screaming.

But now I've been up since 3 am several days in a row, while rest of family tucked up in bed. I'm really really busy at, and so depressed & stressed out. I feel murderous, towards dh, her, the world.

When or how will this ever end. I've had maybe 3 unbroken nights sleep since she was born and I'm now totally fucked off.

[admylin]

Does it help if she sleeps in with you? That's the only way I got sleep for the first couple of years with my 2 when they were small.

You must be exhausted .

[TrinityIsFuckingTrying]

I'm sorry I've ot no advice but I know where you are coming from
I have had about 4 unbroken nights sleep in the last nearly 5 years

it sucks

[ErnestTheBavarian]

If I bring her into our bed, she fidgets, crawls around, sitting on neck/foot in face etc. I could tr< sleeping in sep. room, but that's not a long term solution.

If she wakes at 3, I seem to have the choice of leaving her to scream indefinitely, this morning it was 40 minutes. I just can't do it. Or I get up at 3 am.

I don't particularly fancy that option either.

[Poppet45]

What about sending your partner in when she wakes? We did this after my DS got addicted to two-hourly night feeds after an ear infection - he'd only feed for two maybe three minutes and then doze off again so I knew he wasn't hungry just trying to get back to sleep. We're down to one night feed now and he settles much quicker for my hubby than me.

Good luck and am really hoping this phase ends very soon for you. Must be awful.

offers cakeand elephant strength tranquiliser for DD

[ErnestTheBavarian]

dh is of the opinion we should just leave her. I can't leave her for so long. we basically disagree. He'll just leave her to cry even if it was 3 hours non stop. I can't do it.

Last night he (very reluctantly) went in at 3. She screamed, then maybe paused for 10 minues. I tried to go to her, stroke her head, shush and leave but she went mental.

I'd appreciate some of your elephant tranquiliser

Am now dreading nights.

But thanks for the reminder. I had forgotten my mantra. It's just a phase. It's just a phase.

It is just a phase, isn't it?

[ErnestTheBavarian]

someone tell me what to do though at 3 am? WOuld you leave her to cry? would you get up? What would you do?

[CarGirl]

When does she sleep during the day? some dc have to give up their day time naps at this age, one of mine did!

Have you thought about waking to sleep ie you wake her up earlier in the night and then resettle her so she isn't then up at 3am for the day?

[ErnestTheBavarian]

she naps around 12 ish. My others stopped their naps before they were 2 so am prepared.

Not sure what you mean? Go in at say 1 in the morning and wake her up so she'll go back to sleep so she gets used to waking and going back to sleep? Have I understood right?

She normally goes to sleep no prob. I'm not sure I could face waking her, case she didn't go back. I suppose I can be grateful she didn't wake me till 5 today. My eye lids are about an inch thick. Not a nice look.

[SparkleandShine]

There is a method to controlled crying - have you followed it?

I know some people can't do it or don't like it but it solved my problem in 2 nights!

Leave to cry 5 mins
go in 2mins (don't pick up just pat and reassure)
Leave to cry 10 mins
go in 2mins (don't pick up just pat and reassure)
Leave to cry 15 mins
go in 2mins (don't pick up just pat and reassure)
Go in for 2 mins every 15 mins until she starts to settle then obviously leave to sleep.

You don't leave for longer than 15mins crying (certainly not 40 mins)

The first night I did it it took an hour total, 2nd night 1/2 hour. PS had the same thing, he screamed blue murder for me not DH so DH did it.

I think you have unfortunately trained her to cry by leaving her 40 mins then going in she now 'knows' that if you cry for a long time mummy comes

[ErnestTheBavarian]

if I go she is even worse. Dh won't go. Not several times a night.

Maybe you're right, but I don't think I can do it. She is worse if I go. She climbs out of bed, she stands hammering at the door howling. If she is crying, when I go she is howling and screaming. I only make her worse.

[jennycomelately]

My (just) 2 year old is a bit different as he's always slept in with us, but recently I decided I needed to night wean him as he kept waking to feed when he didn't need to, so now when he wakes up I put In The Night Garden on the laptop, I doze, after usually one episode he's sleepy and just lies down and drops off. Most nights now he sleeps right through.

I'm sure that's a terrible thing to do but it works for us...He's my 5th child by the way so I have tried other things over the years, I still remember the horror of attempting CC with #1

[SparkleandShine]

How old is she? - have to say it helps if they are in a cot like my DS (he was 11m when we did CC) and is 1.1 now.

[juuule]

I used to get up with mine for an hour (never more than 2).
Let them play or just sit with me, sometimes gave a weetabix, sat quietly with the light dimmed and tv on low. Eventually they nodded off and I'd go back to bed knowing that they would then sleep until 'proper' morning.
I found it much less stressful this way.

[Besom]

Could you take her in the spare room as a short term solution and then aim to take some time off work in order to do it properly?

I have bfed 22 month old dd who sounds similar. I have been advised to spend a few nights sitting in the room with her until she goes back to sleep, just repeating the same thing over again 'go to sleep' or whatever. It might take hours and she will be upset but so be it. If asking for milk say 'in the morning'.

(I'm going to have to warn the neighbours).

Then once we feel ready, move to the going in and out phase. If she gets out of bed, keep putting her back in. I really don't think you can tackle this and go to work in the morning.

Best if you could both have some time off and even if dh useless at night he could let you get some sleep during the day?

This is my plan anyway.