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help - how to stop putting my ds to sleep by breastfeeding

(23 Posts)
gossifer Wed 13-Jul-05 21:27:09

hello all
my ds is nearly 5months old and i'm pretty relaxed about how our day is
he has an early morning nap/lunchtime nap/late afternoon nap and sleeps really well through the night (so i know i'm lucky)
my problem is he needs to fall asleep feeding at night - how do i stop this?
i'm not really a fan of controlled crying - but all suggestions welcome
thanks and hope you're not all sweltering too much

futurity Wed 13-Jul-05 21:32:53

I have been going through exactly this for the last few days. DS (also 5 months!) settled fine for his morning nap but needed to fall asleep feeding at other naps and at bed time. This was fine when he was younger but getting harder as he got older (feeding goes ON and ON..all evening) and with another child to consider in the day I wanted to move towards him falling asleep without me. So I must admit I used CC as I had done it before with my first son so knew that it did work despite feeling like evil Mummy. It took one day of CC for nap and at bed time and since then (well we are on day 3 so early days) he has settled himself to sleep (despite the heat so far).

As I say early days..but it has given me my evening back and made me more positive about b/f which I was getting quite low about. Now if someone could just help with DS waking at 6 I would be a happy bunny!!

gossifer Wed 13-Jul-05 21:45:42

thanks for your words futurity, i'm sorry you're feeling low about bf, how long do you plan to continue for? you've done so well already!

how long do you leave ds for at night?

collision Wed 13-Jul-05 21:53:24

When are you planning to wean?

Once they are on solids it becomes easier. I used to wake ds2 as he fed on the breast and put him down awake. Even if he cried for a while it didnt do him any harm and now he is 8 months and sleeps through the night without a problem.

gossifer Wed 13-Jul-05 21:53:42

bump
please?

gossifer Wed 13-Jul-05 21:56:39

collision - he has been eating solids for about 3 weeks, he sleeps through from at least 10pm-8am
so you'd feed your ds2 and then wake him up and then put him in his bed? i suppose that makes sense in that you know he's not hungry?

futurity Wed 13-Jul-05 22:04:34

I do that as well...give him 25 mins on each breast and then put him down awake..that way I know he is full up and dont feel tempted to keep feeding (which is what I was doing).

I fed DS1 until 9 months so sort of had that in my head this time as it was a good time to stop for me and him before. By then he was down to 3 breastfeeds and eating very well so it was fairly easy to stop.

When you ask "how long do you leave ds for at night? " i assume you mean with the CC? I would do 5 mins and then go in..then 10 mins..then 15 which to be honest was probably too long at this age..should of done shorter gaps probably but i have leant my sleeping book to a friend so forgot what I was supposed to do at this age!!

gossifer Wed 13-Jul-05 22:12:55

yes futurity - i did mean how long with the CC! sorry, not very clear!!!!

so, i think i'll give it a go tomorrow, make sure he's all fed well and truly, and wake him up and put him down and see how it goes

wish me luck!

collision Wed 13-Jul-05 22:32:32

10pm til 8am is FAB! I wouldnt worry too much.

If he has had lots of food and has a full tummy, just wake him a little and put him down awake which is easier said than done.

SofiaAmes Thu 14-Jul-05 21:16:02

I had my dh instead of me put my ds and dd to bed for a week to 10 days in order get them over the bedtime bfeed. Depending on how old they are, they soon forget about it.

jenweber630 Tue 19-Jul-05 18:51:52

Gossifer - I'm having the same problem with 7 month old ds! I've been reading through the thread for ideas - what is a CC?

I think my issue is that I don't start feeding him until he's tired so he falls asleep after about 15-20 minutes of nursing. But a lot of times I put him down and he wakes up right away and starts crying so I nurse him AGAIN. Maybe I should start feeding him sooner... When he knows it's bedtime in the evening he completely resists bfing and screams bloody murder sometimes if I try to position him to nurse. I would LOVE to try having my husband put him down but if he sees dh or even hears him talking on the phone when I'm putting him down he gets really hyper. Such is life. He is doing well with solids so at least something is going really well... Thankfully I'm staying home with him so I can nap with him during the day when I'm not getting enough sleep... Anyway, I look forward to hearing what is working with everyone!

gossifer Wed 20-Jul-05 09:07:52

hello there jenweber!
well we seem to have good evenings and bad, sometimes we put him down and he gets to sleep himself, but sometimes we're to early and he has so much energy!
do you go into a peaceful room when your feeding and create and atmosphere that is bedtime? we do a bath, feed bed routine & then keep him in the peaceful room; also we have one of those musical toys that we play when we put him down, so he associates sleep with that
just trying to think of some helpful hints
CC is controlled cyring, tried it a bit, but too much of a softy to really try it properly

gossifer Wed 20-Jul-05 09:08:52

ps, from my not very long experience sounds like you should be trying earlier if he's sleepy

Fennel Wed 20-Jul-05 09:12:54

just wondering if you really want to start changing his going to sleep patterns if he's sleeping well through the night at 5 months. is it cos you're trying to stop breastfeeding or cos you want someone else to be able to put him to bed sometimse?

if the latter, I bf mine for longer than this and dd3 had an evening feed til over a year old but when I was out she just had a bottle from someone else instead, it wasn't a big deal.

all of my 3 fell asleep bf at this age and they all grew out of needing or particularly wanting it in the next few months.

gossifer Wed 20-Jul-05 09:16:00

fennel, thanks for your post, i just felt that it would lead to probs later on if he could only fall asleep bf
good to know that for you it wasn't a prob, makes me not worry so much
it was more so that others could put him down, still bf for a while yet!

Fennel Thu 21-Jul-05 11:26:51

Hi Gossifer

they do change an awful lot in the next few months especially as they get more used to other forms of comfort such as solids and bottles. does he ever take a bottle? if so have you tried your dp or someone else he's close to giving him a bottle one evening when you're not around? he's far more likley to take it if he's really tired and you're not around to give him ideas of bf.

but really it's not long that they bf to sleep, in a few months you'll probably really miss that part of having a baby!

CarolinaMoon Thu 21-Jul-05 12:45:12

Fennel, when would you say that phase ends? My ds is nearly 9mo and is still really unlikely to fall asleep unless bfed.

Pollyanna Thu 21-Jul-05 12:53:17

Gossifer, I would say that if your ds sleeps from 10-8 then he knows how to put himself to sleep (he must wake up several times in the night and then settle himself). breastfeeding to sleep is only a problem if they wake up in the night and can't put themselves back to sleep without feeding.

If you are really bothered, look at no cry sleep solution by elizabeth pantley - she has suggestions how to lessen the relationship between feeding and sleeping.

gossifer Thu 21-Jul-05 12:59:07

thanks everyone
fennel - when i have been out my partner gives him a bottle and he does go to sleep, so i guess its just when i'm around, good to know that things do change, and you are so right that before i know it i'll be missing these days!
pollyanna - i hadn't thought about him waking up through the night, i suppose because its never been something we've had to worry about, so, he does get himself back to sleep!!! - and thanks for the link - will have a look

i almost feel bad worrying when i know other people have such a hard time of it, but was just worried that it might become an issue later on, but have been reassured!

Fennel Thu 21-Jul-05 15:01:31

CarolinaMoon, i have a bit of a blank on when exactly mine stopped needing a bf to go to sleep. Mine all were used to a bottle feed on the nights I was out (maybe once a week, maybe less) and I guess dd1 and dd2 stopped the evening bf at about 8-10 months. dd3 still had it til 14 months but at that point lost interest. I think they must all vary a lot but around 10 months or a year a lot of them are less bothered about bf than they were (and then they get more keen again if you carry on longer but that's probably an issue for another thread....)

Listmaker Thu 21-Jul-05 15:13:17

My dd1 always fell asleep whilst I was feeding her (and woke in the night and I fed her for AGES!!). Eventually when she was 13 months I decided to try and break the habit (she would never take the bottle) so put her in her cot awake. She cried and I paced around for 10 mins and was just about to go back in for the 1st time and she stopped and went to sleep! The next night she cried for about a minute and after that went to sleep on her own without a murmur. Made me wish I'd tried it a bit sooner of course but maybe we were both just ready for it at that point!

So even if you do these things and get stuck with them for over a year like I did it can still be quite easy to break when you really decide you want to.

Having said that I never fed dd2 to sleep if I could help it - would wake her up to change nappy or something so she learnt to go to sleep alone and she was a dream (although dd1 didn't really sleep through 7 til 7 til 3.5 years old! and dd2 was over 1 so think yourself lucky!!).

gossifer Fri 22-Jul-05 09:13:13

thanks listmaker!

jenweber630 Fri 22-Jul-05 16:45:23

Wow - reading all this makes me feel better about bfing to sleep... Ds is only 7 months and he's already starting to wean himself quite a bit during the day as he loves solids so much... In fact, he's been sick this past week but has been sleeping about 8-6 without waking for a feed and then going back down for an hour or two... I think I just need to relax and enjoy things the way they are - however, I think FINALLY getting a chair in the baby's room for feeding/rocking will make a difference of creating that atmosphere for sleeping... We play a lot in our bedroom and I think he doesn't think sleep when he's in there - despite the fact that I tell him it's time for sleeping about a million times. As it is, I have to take him into our room and feed him in our bed and then move him to his own room and that is just a bit much... Thank you for all your suggestions!! It's given me the impetus to get some things changed...

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