At wits end with nap-resistant baby - how on earth do I settle him?

[LittleDoe]

Hi,

DS is 6.5 months now and we're STILL struggling to get him to take daytime naps in his cot. I do try to keep to the "two hour" awake rule so that he's not overtired but honestly, it's just impossible. He is such an active / alert baby that he just never appears to be interested in sleeping during the day, unless it's in his pram or in the car where he will zonk out. I know I could take him out for a walk and he would get a sleep but I'm still exhausted from sleepless nights and I just need a break during the day - even just for 40 mins or whatever.

I do try and settle him before naps by cuddling, rocking, singing etc for a short while just to give him some wind down time (sometimes I bf him too, this can work although he's got a cold at the mo, so the blocked nose is making this difficult). He just seems to get more agitated by anything other than bfeeding tho - arches his back, moves his head from side to side etc. Anyway he is going to nursery in a couple of months, so the bf thing isn't exactly going to be a solution there.

I have even just put him in his cot, shut the door and walked away but he can cry for a long time (I know not everyone agrees with this but I personally don't think it does him any harm) - he often will fall asleep if I do this but then only for a short time so it doesn't seem worth the stress on me listening to him cry.

Please tell me someone else has a baby like this! He can't be the only one, can he???

[cornsilk]

my ds's were both like that! Will he sleep in his pram?

[herbaceous]

My 7mo won't take daytime naps in his cot. Well, he might, but it would take hours of shushing, patting, rocking, etc. I just put him in the pushchair and rock him to sleep for a nap.

I justify this by thinking that if he gets used to his pushchair as a place to nap, he'll nap when we're out and about more easily than if he'll only nap in his cot. He'll also then associate the cot only with night time - ie LONG - sleep. Never quite sure why all the books say they should only nap in their cot...

[RubyBuckleberry]

omgds is exactly the same - more than happy to snooze in the pram / sling, goes to bed awake/drowsy doesn't matter, at night, and then wakes for milk (bf) (at least i think thats what he wants???) two or three times. most of the time he settles immediately, although this morning (4am) it sounded like he was singing! and then i woke up a couple of hours later, and he was asleep - he must have dropped off...

anyway, naps in the cot are a right carryon - i love the idea of naps in the pram meaning the cot is associated with longer sleep though... hmmmmm

[chelle38]

apologise now for not knowing what the dd, ds, dp's mean and dont need to offened, im a total newbie, our wee man has started to stay awake most of the day too, somedays right through from 6am til 10pm, sleeping for 5 min to 15 min (if Im lucky), there is no chance of a nap, Im to the point now where I go a week with hardly any sleep til i hit the wall and crash and my partner has to take him cause there is no waking me. Im trying the bath, bottle, bed thing now starting at 7 so hes crashing by 8 and the last bottles at 10 so I can at least get some kind of sleep til 3, that the time when Im basically sleeping on the counter waiting for the bottle to heat before he kicks off, Im praying for him to sleep through soon, luckily Im on mat leave and Im normally a hyper person anyway so the only advice I can give for surviving sleep dep is loads of coffee or energy drink, shower first thing (if possible) and walking, sounds mad but I try to walk the buggie everyday, he also crashes in the buggie but as soon as i get in the door hes wide awake so ive given up, ive pritty much said to myself "sleep ha not for another fifteen years doll"

[littlelentil]

yes another one here! I have an almost 7 month old and have all but given up getting him to sleep in his cot in the day. He used to be brilliant between 3-5 months then suddenly changed! I'm hoping he suddently changes back again... for now all naps are taken in push chair or car (cannot be rocked in push chair in the house, has to be out walking). I am assuming this is because he wants to play with his toys all the time and sleep just gets in the way of this mission, so he can only relax and sleep when he is physically restrained and all stimulation removed. I hope this changes by 10 months (when I expect he will drop to one nap per day - has been on just 2 naps since 5.5 months). I'm just going with it for now, as the stress of trying to get him in his cot made me miserable

[musicmaiden]

My DS is the same at 5.5 months, although having said that, he is now napping on the sofa beside me. His chosen method for falling asleep, night or day, is still a bf, although he will nap in car or pram like yours.

I was stressed about it for ages, having read how much sleep they are 'supposed' to be getting for good development and sometimes spending what felt like the whole day trying to get him to go down. But now I figure, if he was tired he'd definitely tell me, and most of the day he is a sunny baby, so I think he just needs less sleep than some babies. If your DS seems happy and is not crying with tiredness all the time then he is probably the same.

I wouldn't push the 2-hour thing - is he definitely showing signs of yawning/rubbing eyes/thousand-yard stare that often? My DS is often quite happy for 3, 4, even 5 hour stretches awake. It's a bit of a round-peg-square-hole thing to put him down in his cot if he's really not tired.

It sounds like you want him to nap so you can too - you poor thing. Cold notwithstanding (have you tried saline spray for his nose?), it sounds like what works for him is to snuggle up and bf to sleep, and the rocking/singing etc is just overstimulating and irritating him. Frankly I know bf to sleep is supposed to be a no-no but it works, so I say take the path of least resistance while you're still so exhausted from broken nights!

As for nursery, I suspect he'll do a lot of things differently there than he will at home, and the staff will have their own methods for getting the babies to nap - one of which will work for your DS - so don't worry yourself about that.

I feel your pain, though, it can be SO frustrating and exhausting. Hang in there.

[LittleDoe]

Thanks guys, yes it is soooo frustrating!

Although I seem to have worked out that swimming makes him tired enough to sleep in his cot - this is the second week in a row he has gone for a nap after our Wed morning swim class!! Maybe we should go swimming more

I do sway very frequently between letting him "go with the flow" with sleep during teh day and becoming a tad obsessive about it, I must admit. I think I should just accept that he will sleep when he wants to - he is not a routine sort of baby in that regard! Or any regard really.

So many of the books say that if baby wakes at 7am he should go down for a nap around 9am - really this is the LAST thing my DS wants to do at 9am! The day has just started for goodness sake - I've got people and toys to play with!

Think I possibly just need to relax about it a bit more....

[dycey]

my ds was a two hour awake baby until suddenly he could go very long stretches awake and was the same as yours. Out in the pushchair or dancing to soothing music would settle him. Once walking he got tired again earlier(same effect as swimming?). Sure it will come in good time. Try not to worry (I know I have worried a lot). It all works out in the end! (Says I who is now sleeping all night after 12 months of your situation....)

It does all pass - as the wise mumsnetters say! They are right.

[herbaceous]

I too go through phases of obsessing about my DS's lack of naps - usually when he's not sleeping at night - but he's such a sunny boy, and trying to get him to sleep when he's not tired is a hideous experience for both of us, I'm just 'going with the flow'.

Neither he or I are fans of strict routines, especially as his needs seem to change from week to week, and surely they restrict what you can do during the day.

When you look back at the first precious months with your baby, are you more likely to think 'oh I'm so glad I spent hours in a dark room getting him to nap', or 'I'm so glad I got out and did fun stuff with him, and met nice people'?

[RubyBuckleberry]

"When you look back at the first precious months with your baby, are you more likely to think 'oh I'm so glad I spent hours in a dark room getting him to nap', or 'I'm so glad I got out and did fun stuff with him, and met nice people'?"

omg so so true, i was trying pu/pd yesterday and it got him, and then me in a right state. i stopped after half an hour and gave him a big cuddle as we had both got so upset. he then had a feed and we went for a nice walk - he fell asleep, i had a coffee and read a magazine

maybe when he is older and more cognitively aware iyswim we will try the whole sleep training thing but for now, its pram, sling, the ocassional nap in the cot - sometimes he randomly will self settle, he just turns his head to the side and happily shuts his eyes - and feeding to sleep for us, and no tears at bedtime .

[RubyBuckleberry]

occasional

[specialmagiclady]

I found at about your stage with DS1 I had to accept that I just wasn't going to sleep. Instead I bunged him into the pram and went on jaunts and exploits. Nice lunches with NCT friends, shopping, hot choc in cafe etc. I was much happier to be out and about - therefore more knackered but at least not stressed - than constantly trying to catch up on sleep I was never going to get because the minute the boy's head went down I was suddenly too wired to sleep.

It got easier about 9 months when he was crawling so tired-er. Then I managed to get him to go for a couple of hours. It took quite a lot of crying though.

One other thing - if you really really want to change his behaviour (and this is THE BIGGEST LESSON OF PARENTING BAR NONE for me) you have to do it gradually and CONSISTENTLY. And you have to be prepared for him to be pretty unhappy about it.

I used to write out plans -

Day 1 - BF til drowsy then cuddle to sleep - no rocking no singing

Day 2 - BF then cuddle to sleep

Day 3 - BF then into cot with my arms round him

Day 4 - BF then into cot with me standing nearby

Although actually never that fast. But the key is to be consistent and insistent that he is going to do it your way.

It's the same with behaviour when they're toddlers, 5 year olds etc....

And basically, if you're not prepared to go through the crap, that's fine. It just means you don't actually mind the behaviour that much, iyswim. When you really mind it, you'll find the strength!

[musicmaiden]

Indeed so, specialmagiclady.

The worst thing about sleep training is when you are knackered yourself it's hard to find the energy to do it. So LittleDoe, I would try and go with whatever happens day by day, as long as he is happy - and also if he starts at nursery soon I bet things will change. I'm relying on my nursery to get my DS to take a bottle/cup AND to sort out his naps

Your DS sounds lovely - very inquisitive and sociable!