Is feeding to sleep a bad thing?

[lucky1979]

I have a 14 week old DD who won't self settle, no matter what we try. No matter how exhausted she is, she starts to wail as soon as we start the bedtime/naptime routine and can continue for up to an hour and a half until she goes to sleep.

She's generally a good sleeper at night, once she has finally gone to sleep (usually about 9 after all the screaming) she sleeps through until any time between 3:30 and 6, has a feed and then I pop her back into the moses basket, she goes straight to sleep again until about 8.

So, she can self settle herself at night after a feed, but is unable to at any other time.

To settle her we've tried shush-patting and then head stroking as she seems to like that better. DH used to walk her up and down until she dropped off on his chest and then put her down asleep, but I can't do that as I have a bad hip and can't walk the distance required! So we need a solution that doesn't involve moving on my part ideally.

We've been loosely following the baby whisperer, so Eat, Activity, Sleep. I'm starting to think that, as she can drop straight off after her night feed that changing it to Activity, Eat, Sleep might be preferable, but this seems to be seen as a bad thing? What I'm really trying towork out is whay, and is it going to cause issues in the future?

Any other suggestions welcome!

[smallorange]

Do what you think is best, not what some book tells you to do.

I am actually feeding DD3 to sleep right now - she is eight months.

Why shouldn't they have mummy and milk before bedtime? Why shouldn't they drift off happily to sleep? This period goes so fast, if you feel happier feeding to sleep, then do it.

Really, it's nothing that cannot be sorted out later with a bit of pick ip put down or controlled crying later.

You will be fine.

[Poledra]

I fed all 3 of my DDs to sleep till they were ~12 months old. DD2 transitioned very easily to self-settling after that. DD1 didn't really self-settle till she went into a big girl's bed at 2 yo (PFB, can you tell? ). DD3 is now 18 months, and I can now put her in the cot and sit next to her till she falls asleep.

Do you have a rocking chair? That's what settled DD1 and still does DD3.

FWIW, my mum came to stay and said she would help me teach DD1 to self-settle. She gave up, as she couldn't bear to listen to DD1 crying .

[Poledra]

I should also have added that DDs 1 and 2 slept through the night really well from about 10 months old. DD3 on the other hand......... (Precious Last-Born, too used to co-sleeping and thinking our bed is hers and she lets us in on sufferance )

[smallorange]

Poledra my PLB is like that at the moment. She sleeps like a starfish in the middle while we cling to the sides. But because she is PLB we don't mind. And she is exceptionally cute.

[NobbyD]

Its all about how you feel, really.

I consistently fed my ds to sleep, and when he dropped his daytime milk I used to give him a bottle of water to get him to sleep in the day. He just liked sucking and wouldn't take a dummy. So it worked. When he was little he wouldn't sleep without either a feed or being in the buggy. So I worked around that. If he was tired but not due a feed, straight in the buggy he went and I went to nearest Starbucks with a magazine!

He is now 18months and I still feed to sleep at night and if he does wake up I will again. I don't see it as a problem. Others will.

And at 14weeks you are not going to be doing any harm. Its the scaremongers who tell you that you are forming habits - you might do, but if it works whats the problem? Sleep is precious so whatever you can do to get your baby and you to sleep is a good thing!

[Meoni]

I have to say that feeding a baby to sleep did not work for me. It seemed like a quick fix at the time (and you become so sleep deprived that any solution seems like a good soluition) but 15 months down the line, pregnant with my second chld, we are having enormous problems with sleep patterns. I will still resort to feeding but otherwise it can be up to an hour and a half of rocking, walking and music until sleep finally arrives. I am moving slowly towards the controlled crying approach but just can't quite bring myself to do it at the moment even on the advice of mothers who have and now have seemingly no problems with sleep patterns. None of this helps you because I haven't as yet found a solution and have hounded by a guilty feeling that I am not teaching my daughter how to fall to slepp on her own....

[DrDoobs]

I don't think you should worry about feeding to sleep being a bad thing - you said yourself she can self-settle at other times and feeding her to sleep to start with surely isn't going to undo that ability but may help you until she gets used to settling first thing.