How to get a 2-year-old to go to sleep by herself

[violeta]

My daughter is nearly 2. What I want is for her to go to sleep by herself as the current situation is driving me a bit nutty, but from where we are at the moment I?m just not sure how to get there.
She?s up comparatively late, around half past seven, eight and has a nap around 3pm. I can?t seem to make it any earlier (what with lunch and so on and also because she has her main meal in the middle of the day, not the evening) but also because when I have tried to make it earlier, it just takes longer to get her off. I?ve never been able to put her in the cot and let her get on with it. I used to rock her then once she refused to tolerate that, I cuddled her on the bed and now she?s refusing to tolerate that she wants either to sit down with me (?sit down?, she says!) or to lie on my shoulder when I stand up. She does ask to go in the cot, but she can?t get the idea of keeping still and closing her eyes to get off to sleep, or even sometimes just lying down without jumping back up again. So, the upshot of all of this is that it takes ages to get her off to sleep most days (sometimes up to 40 minutes) by which time I often end up having to wake her up around half past four or so if I want her to go to bed before 10pm at night.
At night, it?s all of this again and the end result is that I?m sometimes eating at half past ten at night plus I?m having next to no evening time for myself or with my partner. I wouldn?t mind if she took a long time to go to sleep ? the problem is that I have to be there to do it. If I go out the room (I have tried ? I say I?ll be back in a moment, etc) she will call out to me almost indignantly (she won?t cry ? just calls out for me). I?m also aware that all I seem to be doing is elongating the time it will take for her to get off to sleep.
She does a lot during the day ? we go out in the mornings and in the afternoons, so she?s tired enough (I hope). I can?t pass any of this on to my partner because she just wants me and also because in the evening, I breastfeed her before she settles off to sleep.
I think I need advice for how to slowly (and I know it will be a slow process) get her to go to sleep by herself in the cot without me being there and also suggestions to amend our daily routine so that I?m not eating when most people are going to bed! Thanks!

[teaandcakeplease]

My daughter is 2 and a half but by age 2 she already had this period of messing about instead of going to sleep for a nap. I knew she was tired but she'd just muck about instead of going to sleep, or throw a wobbly as she didn't want to etc.

I had to be dreadfully firm with her (not making her cry) but just going in, laying her down without speaking and leaving again. It took time but she got the message in the end. I have to say that if I want her to go to bed at 7pm and fall asleep easily, her nap needs to be between 1pm and 3pm only. No later.

I used to stay with her briefly but then say right mummy is going now, time to go to sleep. The next time I went in, I'd say it's time for a nap now, go to sleep. The third time, no speaking just lying down and leaving again. She did throw a tantrum or two but she then very quickly got the hang of it all.

However you do it, you will probably feel guilty but these things have to be done

You can reward her on waking if she does do it well and say well done for being a good girl etc? Or do a star chart or something?

[teaandcakeplease]

Another idea that's just occurred to me... Could her lunch be earlier at 11.30am?

Some people do drop the daytime nap for their children quite early, but my daughter even now gets severely grumpy if I do not give her a nap...

[violeta]

Thanks teaandcake - yes, that's exactly what it is. She's realised that sleeping is what's on the agenda but she messes about for as long as she can before she finally conks out from exhaustion. I'll try what you suggest, although I know it will be a slow process. Trouble is (and this is a problem of my own making - I am aware of this) she has never gone to sleep by herself. And I know controlled crying wouldn't work - she wouldn't tolerate that at all (and neither could I - I'm a terribly softy).

At the moment, I can't drop the nap as I know she needs it (looking at her pale face and droopy eyes come 5pm if she hasn't had a nap tells me that!) but I do know that when she does drop it, things will probably resolve themselves as there'll be no way she could stay awake till 9pm otherwise! I just have to stay sane till then - anyone have any other thoughts?

[teaandcakeplease]

Try the baby whisperer PUPD method? Or buy the No Cry Sleep Solution book?

[meercat71]

My 2 yo is trying to drop her afternoon nap.

But she is vile if she doesn't have it so a bit like teaandcakeplease I just am firm with her and say she has to sleep and it does take her a while to settle herself but she's not crying or anything and eventually she dozes off. Now she has 1.5 hrs rather than the 2 she used to need. She also has lots of toys in her cot and she plays with them till she drops off sometimes.

Until she stops being over tired without the nap I will keep at it - my 6 yr old nephew still needs an afttrenoon kip sometimes (as do I) ;-)

[teaandcakeplease]

I thought moving my daughter into a big bed would be awful, as she's very spirited (to say the least) but when she learnt how to climb out of her cot and landed with a bang and hurt herself, I had to do it.

After a number of days of having to put her back into bed over and over without speaking to her, like it was boring. The "game" wore off for her, as it got boring as I wasn't reacting. She soon learnt to sleep well in it and is happier for it too.

I have a habit of putting things off with my kids as I think it'll be hard and invariably it's never as bad as I thought it would be...

I hope when the time comes with your daughter, you'll be pleasantly surprised too x

[cilitbang]

Mine dropped the nap by this age (sorry)

Baby Whisperer method worked like a dream for me. PUPD method for older kids is wait outside the room for 10 second then walk back in, lie them down, and say sssh,stroke their back or head, walk back out again, wait and count to 10, back in, lie them down, ssshhh, walk back out again, etc etc ad infinitum. It works.

[MrsBadger]

this may sound unattractive, but you may be able to shunt the day back by getting her up earlier in the morning - if she's up at 6am she'll be ready for her nap at 1pm...