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How to get a 4mo to self-settle

2 replies

guyshahar · 11/12/2009 12:33

Our 4 Month Old son, Daniel, co-sleeps with us. We are happy with this, and want to continue it for the foreseeable future. He also wakes for food several times during each night, and finishes his night by 5am. This is inconvenient, but we are not too worried about this, as we know that as his stomach grows, he will be able to sleep for longer periods.

But our real problem is that he cannot go to sleep by himself, and has never been able to. In fact, the only time he will be happy alone if for half an hour or so after a feed, when he is full and happy. These are the best moments, when he is smiling and talking and having fun. But as soon as he gets tired, he gets distressed. The distress doesn't end when we take him - it takes a lot of jumping around with him and bouncing on his favourite ball for up to an hour. We are wrecked by the end of it, and want to find a way to let him settle himself, or even to allow us to settle him more easily. It is as if he associates tiredness with distress.

Any ideas will be very gratefully recieved, but we do not want to "train" him by leaving him to cry. I know that this can work, but from the reading about it that we have done, it seems that it can cause intense emotional pain to a baby and have permanent negative effects on him.

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kidcreoleandthecoconuts · 11/12/2009 12:36

I would say that you need to put him down to sleep straight after a feed while he is contented and full. Don't wait until he's tired and irritable.

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againandagain · 11/12/2009 16:51

I havnt tried it but Baby Whisperer has theroies for this. Apparently you should not continue the bouncing etc, as all you are doing is letting him think this is the only way of sleeping. Maybe try to hold him, turn the lights down and use shh/pat as soon as he shows signs of being tired. Unfourtunatly he will still cry as you are not doing what he is used to and relies on to get to sleep. Persevere as it may take a long time, but will get shorter. Even though he is crying because you are there there is no abandament.

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