Distressed at Bedtime (3mo)

[guyshahar]

Hi there

Our 3 month old boy, Daniel, has problems getting to sleep. It looks like he really wants to sleep and gets distressed because he doesn't know how to. Sometimes he is almost hysterical. Even when we rock him for a long time, it doesn't seem to help.

We have tried all the usual advice about calm routines in the evening with bathing, calmness, gradual darkness, baby massage and so on, but it doesn't help.

Does anyone know what might be going on or how we can help him get to sleep?

[Othersideofthechannel]

Sounds like he is overtired.
Does have have trouble napping in the day?

[ellybett]

Sympathise guyshahar. I have the same problem with my 3 month old and she's often awake until gone 11. She will scream blue murder if DH tries to rock her to sleep and 99% of the time the only thing that will settle her is if I bf her then she's out like a light. At the moment the thought of trying to get her into a routine and encouraging her to self settle scares me witless! The one time I attempted it I thought she screamed so much she choked! If she falls asleep in the evening she'll wake up after 10 minutes or so almost as if she knows she's missing out on something! Tbh I'm doing a really good impression of an ostrich at the moment which I know will bite me in the bum before too long!

[guyshahar]

Hi Othersideofthechannel - he sleeps well only twice a day - once after his morning feed, but ONLY if we put him in the pram or sling and take him outside (sometimes he will repeat this in the afternoon). He can sleep for up to 3 hours at a time like that. The second time is at the start of the night, once he finally does get off to sleep. Then he's out for up to 3 hours again. Then he sleeps for the odd hour for the rest of the night, and that's about it.

Ellybett - sounds like you are having even worse problems. Daniel also nods off to sleep on the breast, but then often wakes up again when he is off it. We also feel we don't want to impose a routine on him (he would resist it anyway, and it could damage him to persist in leaving him to cry for long periods), but we don't know what else we can do....

[ellybett]

My s-i-l has said dd is too young at the moment to be put into a routine but my feeling is that if we let this continue then it will be even harder later on and I should just bite the bullet now. This sounds pathetic but when we did try to encourage her to settle in her crib at around half 7 she was so distressed it really upset me and I haven't had the heart to try it again. One of our problems is she tends to really conk out around 5 pm and sleep soundly for a couple of hours then be bright eyed and bushy tailed until 11! She'll then sleep soundly till about 6 am and in my soul of souls I think to myself, is that really such a bad thing! I know that a 'routine', once established, will make life so much easier but I wish I had more faith that we'll be able to achieve it!

[Othersideofthechannel]

3 hours daytime sleep doesn't sound enough for such a small baby. My first one went through a stage of barely napping in the day around the same age (when he started to get interested in the world around him) and at night was so overtired he could hardly feed.
If you can get him to have his afternoon nap every day, that will probably help at night.
Good luck!

[puffylovett]

Ellybett, my 8 week old DS2 does the same - awake most of the evening, but sleeps 5-7 hours from 11 or 12pm.

With DS1 I 'battled and battled' to get him into a routine. I listened to my mum, I dropped all his cluster feeds, DP and I would spend the best part of 3 hours upstairs in the evening trying to rock him to sleep. What a bloody stressful waste of time. He did eventually get the message, but I'm sure he would've done it himself anyway.

With DS2 we decided bollocks to all of the above, lets just follow his lead. With the exception of me feeding him every 3 hours or so, essentially he is fed and sleeps on demand. He sleeps lots in the day, has a nap early evening, then is awake for about 3 hours till our bedtime, where he tends to cluster feed a lot, then goes down for 5-7 hrs.

The difference is, I can see from his body language that he's tired, like DS1 was, but that he has no hope of getting self off to sleep, or staying asleep if I fed him to sleep, usually because he's either full of wind or is storing up a poo, or is just over stimulated. So I know that at some point, he will sleep properly in the evening, but I'm not pushing it. He's downstairs with us, in his pram as needed and comes upstairs at our bedtime. At some point I will start to encourage an earlier bedtime routine, but I know frm past experience that it's early days & there is plenty of time to encourage and develop a good evening bedtime.

So anyway, my point is it sounds like you're doing great, don't worry ! Just go with your LO's flow

[pippa251]

My 4 month old used to be a nightmare at bed time until she was around 10 weeks- however- she always has a nap now for around 30 mins an hour before bed time- this has meant that she is a lot happier at bed time and sleeps through.

Sounds like he's over tired, try feeding (I Bfeed) him early so he falls asleep for a nap before bedtime.

also try not to get upset/ panic when he cries. I used to get so worried and my DD could pick up on that so as soon as she cried we'd move about to try to get her to stop then we just started to handle it calmly IYKWIM this made a huge difference to us.

[trixymalixy]

Guyasahar, I can totally empathise as we are in the same boat with our nearly 4 month old. No tips, but hopefully bumping for someone else.

[geordieminx]

Trixy - when did you get a 4 month old

[sowhatis]

google harvey karp and try his methods. worked everytime for me x

[rubyslippers]

he is very young still - also 12 weeks is another growth spurt time

i would say he may be hungry?

DD cluster feeds all evening (she is 8 weeks old)

no point trying to get into any sort of routine until she is ready to get into one

but, yes it is hugely knackering so i sympathise but things do change all the time

[trixymalixy]

I have no idea Geordie!! The time is going so quickly!! Will need to meet up sometime soon. Got DD's christening in 2 weeks so after then things won't be so frantic and I'll get in touch.