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Ok I relent I need help and advice

(22 Posts)
TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 10:43:20

Never having been one for routine as I lived a fairly hectic life DS1 slept when he was ready, which worked for him because he always was fine with this, and was almost always asleep by 8.30-9pm. However DS2 has never gone to sleep without being in the room with me either in his moses basket, travel cot or now on the sofa.
The difference is he is always on the go sometimes until 10.30pm.
Now if I am here alone, I dim the lights turn the tv down and he settles quicker sometimes as early as 6.45pm. But when dp is here he is racing around until far too late.
A lot of that is because dp has all the lights on, tv up and when ds2 starts to whinge instead of laying him down as I do he starts to play with him.

I need help with ideas of how to get ds2 to go to sleep in his bed every night so that I can have some me time.

IsItMeOr Tue 10-Nov-09 11:29:41

You don't say how old ds2 is?

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 11:37:13

ooppss sorry he is 2yrs old

MrsBadger Tue 10-Nov-09 11:42:12

well to me it seems obvious - you need to get DP on side

if he needs to have the lights / tv on then go off with ds2 to another room and read quietly or something.

thehairybabysmum Tue 10-Nov-09 11:47:09

Put him to actual bed at the time he gets tired...6.30 to 7 ish. Think you've hit the nail on the head when you talk about lights/tv being on. How well would you sleep in the front room with people around and tv + lights.

If he doesnt settle well initially then sit with him for a while.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 11:47:54

Mrs, i know it seems so simple.

It is also ds2 and I not liking to be apart...ok please don't flame me for this! I know I have made a rod for my own back.

MrsBadger Tue 10-Nov-09 11:52:41

well not liking to be apart is fine - I still sit with dd till she falls asleep (up to an hour on the bad nights) and she is 2.3.

IMO it is worth spending the time doing a decent bath/bed routine/ritual with songs / stories / handholding / whatever it takes if it means the DC go to sleep at a reasonable time, aren't overtired and you get a bit of evening for you and DP afterwards.
Putting off bedtime later and later in the vain hope you can all play or watch tv or something together never works as well.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 11:57:58

Mrs, it wasn't like that. When I had him for certain reasons I was not allowed to be with him for 5 days so when i got him home i didn't put him down ooppss, and he went to sleep in the same room as me. Then we moved and I tried to get him to sleep in his cot straight away BUT it didn't work so i bought a travel cot and he went to sleep in it fine as he was in the room with me. Obviously now he is too big for it he sleeps on the sofa and I move him to bed.

I really need some strength to work at getting him to go to sleep in his bed without having to fall asleep on the sofa first.

MrsBadger Tue 10-Nov-09 12:08:38

oh I see, that is a bit complicated

I think you do need to get him falling asleep somewhere other than the sofa - maybe start by taking a book and putting some music on and hanging out in his room with him so he drops off in there?

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 12:10:36

Music wakes him up but the thing he does like to do in bed is watch steptoe and son...something I used to do when he was younger and we co slept...so maybe could try that.

thehairybabysmum Tue 10-Nov-09 13:00:00

TV is stimulting though so probably no the best solution. If you dont like to be apart then whey cvant you read him a couple of stories in bed then sit in a chair whilt he lies on te bed as you would with the sofa downstairs??

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 13:04:46

Hairy,

He would probably be in my bed as although he has his own bed he frequently gets into my bed as soon as I am in there.

It is hard to read to him as he grabs books away. The programme he watches to go to sleep is almost always the same when we are here alone and that is steptoe. Its more advice on getting him into his bed to go to sleep as opposed to the sofa I am looking for. He is ok at going to sleep.

Talkable Tue 10-Nov-09 13:11:48

I am afraid I don't understand why it is so hard to see what you have to do.

Take him upstairs at your decided bedtime. Do a quiet routine to get him sleepy. Put him in bed explaining this is where big boys sleep and where he will sleep from now on.

You can either sit with him until he sleeps or leave him to it (shut the door so he can't get out). I would try some form of gradual withdrawal until he gets used to it. Bribe him the first few nights if necessary. Within a week or so it will be sorted as long as you are entirely consistent and firm.

Teaching a child how to get to sleep on their own is one of the greatest gifts IMO. Some people on the
boards seem to think it is cruel but IMO cruelty is an overtired child who grows up unable to self settle.

Good luck.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 13:14:20

I can do it all but shut the door, i don't like closed doors and rarely close any.

But I will follow the rest of the advice.

thehairybabysmum Tue 10-Nov-09 13:36:40

I would say if you are going down the road of establishing a new routine you may as well make it in his bed from day 1.

If he watches that program with you in your bed then fine but just have it as part of routine, once it finishes turn tv off (or getting him to works for us) then milk, teeth cleaned and to bed in his room.

Sitting with him/gradual withdrawl sounds like a good solution for you both.

Agree with talkable that the first few days might not be so easy but just stick to your guns and it will soon be second nature for him.

Consistency on your part is the key. If he is already good at the going to sleep bit then you are halfway there...it will probably be easier than you think.

Good luck...let us know how you go tonight.

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 14:18:11

sorry I should have made it clear he sleeps in my room already although in his own bed.

thehairybabysmum Tue 10-Nov-09 20:36:41

In that case just do it in your room.

Do you have room for him to have his own room??

We have doors open here too...works fine; in fact, if ds1 is messing about i threaten to turn the light off...usually effective grin!

TheLadyEvenstar Tue 10-Nov-09 22:52:42

Thehairy,

eventually he will go in with ds1. At the moment though he is not ready...plus the age gap (9 yrs) makes it difficult. Tbh I think before too long we will be looking for another place.

TheLadyEvenstar Wed 11-Nov-09 09:09:59

Ok around 8 last night i went and sat in our bedroom, had the tv on very low and he settled. He woke up at 9pm and between then and 10 I put him back to bed 15 times. He eventually fell asleep at 12.15am in his bed.

I am shattered today!

thehairybabysmum Wed 11-Nov-09 10:00:30

Well done you, sounds like you stuck to your guns. You will be the one going to bed at 8 tonight smile!!

Hopefully it will be easier tonight as he will have got the message last night. Long term you will be less shattered hopefully once you've got him going to bed earlier regularly.

TheLadyEvenstar Wed 11-Nov-09 10:11:43

TH, I am more shattered today than I was yesterday lol because he kept getting up last night.

Thanks Ladies

FairyLightsForever Wed 11-Nov-09 10:37:30

LadyE, I sympathise, you are going to be shattered for a while, but it is worth it and it will get better.

I am in the midst of getting my DD (2 and a half)to fall asleep in her own bed, it's been hard going, but there is real improvement.

2 weeks ago, she wasn't going to bed til 9pm. It would take up to an hour of sitting with her and her waking every time I thought she was asleep and tried to leave the room. She'd wake up at least once in the night, for an hour each waking and would be in bed with me by 5am

A week ago, bedtime had slid forward to 8:30. She was taking half an hour to settle and at least the same when she woke in the night.

She is now at a stage where she goes to bed between 7:45 and 8pm and falls asleep in her bed within 10mins. She only wakes once in the night and she's going back to sleep within a few minutes of me going to her. She's also not coming into bed with me until 6 at the earliest, often much later.

I'm hoping soon she'll sleep through...

Sorry for the essay, but I hope this gives you hope!

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