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feel disgusted with myself

(11 Posts)
fatarse Mon 09-Nov-09 15:31:16

I have just sat and let my 7 month old daughter cry herself to sleep and I am the one now sobbing. She has never settled particularly well and after so long with bedtimes and nap times being fraught with hour after hour of crying, picking up, putting down, rocking, shushing, breastfeeding, human swaddling, stroking, you name it, we tried it, I'd reached the end of my tether. Now I'm sitting here feeling like I'm a horrible failure of a mother. I've read all the discussions on the for and against crying it out and controlled crying, and it's just making me feel more guilty. Just want to say to all those against these methods, please don't make mums feel any worse about having to let their babies cry to get to sleep, it feels bad enough already.

thighsmadeofcheddar Mon 09-Nov-09 15:35:05

Make yourself a nice cup of tea and just relax on the sofa for a minute. You're certainly not a failure.

colditz Mon 09-Nov-09 15:37:06

Step away from the computer.

now think about the people you know in REAL life. What would THEY say to your baby crying for a bit?

bet she wasn't even crying that long. 10 minutes feels like forever if you're the one who has to listen to it. Have a cup of tea and enjoy the time she IS asleep for.

And stop beating yourself up, that's an order.

IslandIsla Mon 09-Nov-09 19:18:05

You are not a failure. I understand how you feel though. My daughter is 7 months and recently I have left her to cry sometimes. I have felt awful about it and I have cried too. I also read lots of talk threads on the for and against of CIO. But, DD has gone to sleep faster this way, than if I try to feed, cuddle, rock... so she gets more sleep at the end of the day, which is a good thing for her - and is the reason I let her cry, because she NEEDS the sleep and this is the way that she needs to get it. Doesn't work for every parent and baby, but this is the way that works for us. Being a parent is a tough job and sometimes you have to make tough decisions that not everyone agrees with! Remember all babies are different, and you are doing what works for your baby.

countrylover Mon 09-Nov-09 19:33:28

you are NOT a failure - you have given your daughter the gift of independent sleep. i will put money on the fact that she will wake tomorrow feeling well rested, happy and ready to take on the day. i'm also pretty much certain you will feel the same too.

good luck with continuing it and i repeat you are not a failure!

Gert2a Mon 09-Nov-09 21:15:49

My DD has always cried herself to sleep. It is her sleep gateway. It works for us. Sometimes it's really hard to hear her cry, but as she's getting older (now 6 and a half months) it's getting shorter and shorter and sometime she doesn't even cry anymore. It's getting easier.

Do what's right for you and your child. You are not a failure.

superdanovi Tue 10-Nov-09 12:48:20

We've just gone down the CC route after having tried everything (seriously, PU/PD, gradual retreat and consultations with 2 sleep consultants...) with DS (now 10 months old). There is nothing pretty about CC, it's painful and horrible for all concerned, but the the sleep deprivation was getting so bad that frankly, my parenting was seriously suffering. Don't feel bad... sometimes you have to make difficult decisions for the sake of the family. My only advice would be to follow through with it and be ultra consistent, (as hard as it is) as it's not fair on any of you to put yourselves through so much trauma for nothing. Plus, you only end up up confusing your little one. Good luck.

Hunting Tue 10-Nov-09 12:57:18

If it's any consolation, I did the same thing for the same reason when dd was nearly 6 mo. I was very fortunate in that it took 3 nights before she was going down without a whimper (and the 3 nights was only max half hour of half-hearted tired crying).

We never looked back. dd had started waking up every hour. Both of us were much, much better for the sleep. I didn't have any problems putting dd down, until I changed her cot into a bed at age 2.4 but that's another story!! Now she's 6 and happily reads in her bed after bedtime until she wants to go to sleep.

If I didn't have my evenings free, and she & i hadn't got the sleep we needed, the consequences for me & dd would have been MUCH worse than a bit of crying for a few nights while she learns to settle herself. She needs to learn some new sleep assocations, basically, so that she is happy to fall asleep and will stay asleep, or resettle herself if she wakes because nothing has changed. Also, I always felt more cruel if I did manage to put dd down fast asleep and have her wake up screaming in shock to find i wasn't there.

Please don't feel guilty - it sounds as though you've tried far more than I ever tried (I hadn't discovered MN in those days ) Also, I was a breastfeeding full time single mother and there was very little I could do to soothe dd other than bf her.

BoffMonster Wed 11-Nov-09 22:26:53

Is this wrong? I do this from time to time with my kids. I have four of the -buggers- little darlings and they are seem to be surviving. A nice cuppa tea is a good cure for parental anxiety, I find, as thighs said.

reservejudgement Thu 12-Nov-09 01:45:24

A work colleaugue of mine used to tell of how she was so totally sleep deprived with her dd, that she was a total wreck. Her GP told her to leave the house and go for a long walk and let her dh listen to her LO cry it out. When she came back, there was silence and she went upstairs and her dd had fallen asleep, sitting up with her legs coming out through the bars of the cot. She felt awful and guilty but her dd went to bed without a whimper from that day on! It's not a nice thing to have to do but sometimes it's the only thing that works. You will both be fine!smile

madusa Thu 12-Nov-09 16:16:47

it is heart wretching but you are doing your baby a favour in teaching your daughter how to sleep by herself.

short term, it is awful but the long term benefits are worth it.

You love your daughetr and that's why it hurts.

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