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no cry sleep solution??

(6 Posts)
amysma Fri 17-Jun-05 22:50:48

amy is now nearly 8.5 months and is sleeping in her own room - nearly. she goes to sleep fine in her cot at 7pm with either me or dh holding her hand. she will stay asleep for 4-5 hrs (on a good night) and will then wake up and not settle again until she is in our bed in which case she goes out like a light. we have tried one night of controlled crying - i ended up crying as much as her, which didn't work at all. i know the problem is that she doesn't know how to go to sleep herself without us there, but how do we solve this problem without making her cry herself sick. i don't want to have to use that method. has anyone had any other sucessful ideas? i've read the "no cry sleeping solution" book by elizabeth pantley but didn't find anything useful in it either. i feel guilty for making dd so dependent on us. help.

hunkermunker Fri 17-Jun-05 22:55:02

There's something called gradual withdrawal (I think) - if you hold her hand, then the next night try putting your hand next to hers or stroking her arm, then try sitting next to her but with no contact, then a bit further away - basically you, er, withdraw gradually!

Don't feel guilty - you've not harmed her in any way at all (quite the opposite IMO - she knows you're always there for her which is lovely).

Slave2Babe Sat 18-Jun-05 08:22:12

we've been trying to get dd to sleep on her own. if she is really tired its not a problem but i do tend to feed her to sleep most nights. we too tried the controlled crying but it just broke my heart listening to her getting upset. after posting messages on here we have decided to let her take things at her own pace and she will be able to settle herself in time. dont feel guitly about your dd being dependant - that's what you're there for.

i think hunkermunker is right. try gradually withdrawing from her but dont make yourself feel bad for what you've been doing.

homedad Sat 18-Jun-05 21:08:21

hi, i know exactly how tough it is but you will find your own way. we tried a couple of ways to get our son to sleep without any luck, so as a last resort we tried cc. it was much easier than i thought, it only took a couple of nights and it was the best thing we have done(for all of us). my boy is so much happier in the day time he's almost a different baby. check out the threads on sleeping there is some good advice out there.

KiwiKate Tue 21-Jun-05 10:16:21

I agree with HomeDad. You'll find your own way.

For us we heard of too many parents whose kids would not sleep in their own beds, so for us taking DS into our bed was never on the cards. If DS cried we would attend, but then put him firmly back in his bed (at first waiting until he fell asleep, then doing the withdrawal thing).

It really helped when we started using the same "sleep music" every night. When DS was awake at night, the sleep music would help soothe him back to sleep.

Also, one way to encourage a fast back-to-sleep time is if it is more trouble for baby than it is worth. So although you go to her and she knows you are there, don't fuss too much, or cuddle too much. Slowly wean her off the "reward" of your late-night attention until you don't pick her up at all, but maybe just put your hand on her and tell her you are there and she must sleep.

Don't feel guilty about your child wanting you there! That is natural (for her and for you!). However, right now she is getting a big pay-off (sharing mum & dad's bed) for crying at night. That's ok if you are happy to share your bed. But if you want to train her to get back to sleep (and you don't want cc - which we also hated!!) then you just have to wean her off the attention.

Our DS took to weaning off night time attention very well, but then started playing up at night at around 14 months. At that stage he was old enough to be told that he could cry if he wanted, but that we were not coming to him. A very stern "go to sleep" was all he got for his efforts (no other conversation etc) and this really worked very well. After two nights he grizzled a little and then just went back to sleep. If he cries now at night it is because of teething or illness or something that he needs us for, and we do go and check to make sure, but don't fuss over him or take him out of bed unless we think he has a problem (then of course we cuddle etc and do whatever needs to be done to help) and then again, firmly put him back in his own bed.

homedad Tue 21-Jun-05 20:22:53

hi,
your dead right about the sleep music thing kiwikate, we got our son a musical lullaby projector type thing that clips to his cot, he loves it. if he's still wide awake at bedtime (which isn't too often now he can run around)he just sits up in his cot listening to it and watching the pictures on the ceiling until he falls asleep, but the best thing about it is that it is voice activated so if he wakes up it will play music for 5 mins. it's brilliant.

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