I have PND and a baby that won't sleep and I'm desperate(9 Posts)
So sorry you are having a rough time I didn't want your post to go unanswered but don;t have much time so excuse the bullet points:
- You NEED to speak to your health visitor/doctor again about the PND and self harm - thinking of harming yourself is one of the major triggers for more serious intervention.
-Are you breastfeeding? If not, is there anyway a kind relative or friend could take over for a night so you could have an uninteruppted night of sleep? It will make you feel so much better & more able to cope in the day.
- I would try to get out during the day - you have a car so drive as far as you need to to find various mother and baby groups, baby massage etc. If you have a surestart centre near you they have loads on for free.
The reason I suggest this is that you will be able to have a cup of tea or coffee whilst other people coo over your baby and even if she grumps she is unlikely to be the, only one doing it so you will feel less frustrated. It may even be that a change of scenery perks her up a bit.
- If she won' settle herself to sleep (and most can;t at this age) it really doesn;t matter if you have to help her - ignore the making a rod for your own back comments and rock, walk etc as much as you need to.
Sorry for brevity - I'm sure others will be along soon / have already posted.
I am so sorry you are having a hard time! Not sure I can give you any answers except please go and talk to your doctor or health visitor again. Do you have anyone who could look after your baby for a few hours so you can have a break?
Having a small baby to look after is hard work and I remember so well the very fine line between exhaustion and depression. All I can say is it will get better. The first months are the hardest.
Do please ask for some help, for your own and your baby's sakes.
Also - if she sleeps on our lap and you can;t do anything - great! give yourself a much needed rest - watch tv, read a book, come on here! 10 weeks is still very early days and you shouldn't expect too much of yourself. Shopping can be ordered on line, ready meals won't kill you for a few weeks and the cleaning will still be there when you get a it more time to yourself. In a few weeks she should be reasonably happy to watch you do the housework for a short while as long as you make a bit of a song and dance about it to keep her entertained!
I don't have any great solutions re the sleep but please remember a)if she screams her head off for a few minutes while you make a cup of tea and just catch your breath, it won't do her any harm, and b) this will pass. It won't always be like this. At some point she will sort herself out and you will get a decent night's sleep. It's a nightmare period and I really feel for you, but this is the worse bit. It only get better.
I think the suggestion that you get a night off, whatever it takes, is essential. More than anything you sound like you need a break from her. Even if this means your DH has a night of no sleep and needs to take a day off work to catch up, it's still worth it.
Just posting to show my support and say please get some help. HV and/or Doctor should be able to point you to some people - SureStart? - who can come and give you a break.
Don't expect to much of your little girl - she is still so tiny and she isn't doing it to annoy you. And don't expect too much of yourself - as others have said use the time that she is sleeping to nap yourself or read a book or anything. Just don't put stress on yourself. I'm so glad you've got a supportive DH - can he help with getting the HV to listen to you?
I had PND and took medication for a while - please push for it as it made all the difference. I only needed it for 6 months but it really got me through that time.
You poor, poor thing - I have been there myself and it's really hard, especially when other people's babies seem to sleep so well.
I agree with other posters that you need to be kind to yourself here. Yours is not the only baby to struggle with sleep and there may be little you can do at this stage to change her but you CAN change your attitude towards it.
Tell yourself that you will not even attempt to get anything done during the day. You are doing the most important job of nurturing a child - a child who is struggling at the moment and needs you. Get DH to make your lunch and a jug of juice and leave it in the fridge. Get him also to buy a large packet of biscuits and some good books/DVD's. Then try to embrace the fact that she will sleep on your lap for a while and read/watch DVD's and eat biccies.
If the state of the house gets to you (and the state of my house often gets me down, even though I know it shouldn't) then could you get a cleaner/get DH to tidy up before and after work each day? Or try popping dd in the sling when she's awake and happyish, put some loud pop music on and dance around tidying up?
Try to get out for a walk every day, you'll feel better for it even if dd doesn't sleep.
What type of sling are you using? It maybe that your dd would prefer a different kind?
Above all, be kind to yourself. It's hard to cope with but you'll make it harder on yourself if you don't lower your expectations and start looking after yourself.
Just looking back through some messages and was wondering how you got on. I had the same difficulties as you with my DD (now 18 months). Did you get medication? How are you doing now??
Very big hugs and lots of sympathy. No-one really understands what this is like unless they've been through it themselves. Just remember, sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture by many crazy regimes
I'm not sure I can offer any solutions, but your dd sounds very much like mine. She's 14 weeks and will not nap during the day (except if she falls alseep on my shoulder after feeding, so I know exactly what you mean about not being able to get a sleep yourself or do anything else). I have been trying to get out and about as much as I can during day with the pram, so I can recommend that; you may not be sleeping but your little one might at least settle and you can get fresh air and a clearer head. I tried a sling as well, with no luck either, I think some babies just don't like that carrying position.
I really feel for you, it's so frustrating, hugs to you and you dd, hope you can get some good advice from HV/doctor
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