I have a 3 yr old and a 17 month old. I co-slept with both of them from the start.
Obviously as tiny babies, dh and I were very aware that they were in the bed, we made sure they were high up above pillows and duvets etc, made sure they wouldn't overheat or get squished, and wouldn't have had them in bed with us if either of us had been drinking.
Recently though, dh and I seem to wake up and blearily take stock of who ended up in which bed, and with who. Dd(3) creeps in unnoticed and while she sometimes sleeps up at the pillow end with us, sometimes she snuggles down at the bottom of the bed. Ds has to be lifted from his cot to come in with us, so technically one of us knows he's in the bed, but he's a lousy sleeper and we often have to think quite hard to work out when he got in with us and who brought him in.
It all seems quite safe to me as both children are big and strong enough to throw the duvet off them if they're hot, and I just can't imagine dh or I squashing them as (a) they're too big, and (b) we're both so used to having children in with us.
I thought I'd ask MN in case I get lots of faces and tales of 2 yr olds suffocating due to lax parenting.
What do you think? Should we still be actively and consciously 'Safe Sleeping' or does there come a point when you don't have to think much about it, and have we reached that point?
Interesting question, I also think about it occasionally. We have only ever partially co-slept and only with dd2 who is now 2.1 years. For many many months she used to get up about 4-5am and we had her in with us.
She comes in less often now, and like you we have to fetch her. We are too knackered to take her growbag off. We still move the pillows; while dh fetches her I kind of shove the pillows away from the middle. (habit I think) I also make sure the duvet only covers her feet/legs due to her grobag.
I consciously did safe sleeping until DS was 2 years old. I did this because whilst it is rarer cot deaths are still happening up to this age and as my brother died from SADS it's something I was very paranoid about. A charity that deals with SIDS and SADS told me not to use pillows and duvets with an under 2.