Anyone's DC been to a sleep clinic?

[releasethehounds]

We have had problems at night with our DD (just 11) for the last 2 years involving unwillingness to go to bed by herself or to sleep on her own, waking up throughout the night and insisting on being in our bed, tears and tantrums (on all our parts!) etc etc. We are all sleep-deprived and extremely fed up and DH and I frankly have not much of a life outside of this problem.

The other night I reached breaking point and ended up at the Drs. She has suggested DD goes into a sleep clinic based at the local hospital for 7 nights, starting tonight! I don't know much about it, but the Dr says DD will have a bedroom with cameras and nurses observing her throughout the night, monitoring her behaviour and her sleeping patterns.

Has anyone else's child been to a sleep clinic? What did you think?

TIA.

[FlamingoDuBeke]

Can't see how sleep problems like you're describing could be solved by making her sleep in a different room, in a different place, on her own!

I'd say give up with trying to get her to sleep on her own for a while - get a mattress on the floor in your room if there's no room in your bed. A lot of the stress will be from trying to get her to do something that she clearly is not able to do right now, for some reason. Stopping trying will remove the stress and make it less of an issue.

Stopping it being an issue, and letting her know that she can sleep with you if she wants/needs to, might mean that she has the emotional strength to start sleeping on her own again at some point in the future.

I don't have children your DD's age, but I've always found that the more I 'push' my children away, the clingier they become. The more I welcome them when they need cuddles etc., the more secure they become and the less they need me.

I would be wary of causing more problems, not fewer, by sending her to a sleep clinic like that.

[releasethehounds]

Thanks Flamingo. I agree with much of what you say, however, I kept my OP brief but you can appreciate it's a lot more complicated than I've described. We have literally tried everything for her, including a put-up bed next to ours when she needs it, but even that's not enough. When she uses it she complains constantly ie she can hear one of us breathing or snoring or there isn't enough light etc. I spend every evening (usually around 2 hours) upstairs just waiting for her to go to sleep. Often, when I return downstairs after checking she's asleep, she comes down to us in the next hour and the whole process starts again!

She also starts making demands on us and if we don't comply she threatens (and by the way has carried this out in the past) to scream the house down until everyone's awake. We have another DD (5) and my MIL (82) lives with us, so we have to bear this in mind too.

It's hard to describe to anyone who hasn't been through this how it affects your life and family relationships. We're at breaking point and I don't want to get to the point when one of us might lash out and hurt DD. This is why I'm following the Dr's recommendation - I'm all out of ideas.

[QOD]

my dd is a bit like this as in can't/won't go to bed unless someone is upstairs... sky multiroom was MY saviour but it's not good for your marriage is it.
I agree with Riven, maybe something isn't happening NOW but could something have triggered her off 2 yrs ago?
(We lived in a bungalow from when dd was 7mths to 5 1/2 - her bedroom for the last year or 2 was right opposite the lounge, she could see us thru the glass door, when we moved into a HOUSE with upstairs and we naively thought she would go to bed... we were rudely awoken. We just caved in the end and now it's just the norm in our house [blush}. Yours sounds far more intense though - i have no helpful advise!)

[releasethehounds]

Thanks Riven - sorry to hear about your DD, and you're right, I don't think it is a sleep issue. However, because the problem has been going on for so long the broken sleep has become a habit and the clinic hopes to break that habit. Don't ask me how they do this, to be honest I'm not that hopeful.

I think what we're dealing with here is a behavioural problem. I'm not showing off, just giving some background, basically DD is a goody two shoes at school and a high achiever - her teachers don't see the other side which we get at home. She is advanced (physically and emotionally) for her age and has been acting like a typical teenager for at least 3 years. DH and I get lots of attitude and it's difficult to keep her happy. In a way she's always had it easy - secure family life, finds school work easy, good friends etc and as the Dr said yesterday "she's never had to struggle for anything". She has always been extremely sensitive and fearful and frankly 'hard work' for us as parents. She used to be terrified of dogs, but since we bought a puppy, this has been cured! Now we just have the night-time problem to sort out. She had some counselling last year but the nurse felt she couldn't really help her and concluded that her problems are just down to her biological make-up.

DD2 (5) is a totally different laid back easy child (so far) so I'm hoping she won't have the same temperament as DD1.

I try to concentrate on the positive things about DD1. Obviously your issues with your DD are much harder to deal with and I really admire you - I'm not that strong.

I appreciate your support.

[releasethehounds]

Thanks QOD - maybe we are not alone! DD1 did suffer some bullying at school approx 2 years ago, but this was addressed at the time (the Head was wonderful) and her self confidence has greatly improved since then. I occassionaly ask her if she ever has any problems from the girls involved and she says they don't bother her anymore and she's 'over it'.

She seems very happy at school now, so there's no obvious reason for the problem. Obviously I can't know everything unless she tells me.

[releasethehounds]

Anyone else know anything about sleep clinics please?