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WISDOM pls - lose the dummy & sleep train in one go? Or separately?

(18 Posts)
duedec2 Mon 14-Sep-09 12:24:43

Our lovely 10-month-old baby has never been a great sleeper, perhaps partly because I've always rushed to his side every time he has whimpered (he a first baby).
Now, at nearly 10 months, he is waking at least twice a night, often more often. I feed him once, at about 3am (I cut out the other feeds a few months ago when he was sleeping next to us in a co-sleeper cot ... he cried a bit and I hugged him - it was easy and I'm not sure why the 3am feed stayed in place!)
I have always been v v resistent to CC or CIO but now I am v tired and sometimes in the night when I go to him and pick him up, I get the impression he wishes he hadn't woken up (once he is calm he makes a move that shows he wants to go back to his cot). MAYBE a little gap before I go to him would teach him how to get back to sleep.

But he sleeps with a dummy, definitely a prop (sometimes in the early evening all he needs is the dummy placed back in his mouth for him to turn on his side and sleep again - at dawn he wants to be picked up). I don't see how I can leave him to cry a little if I have to go in and check the dummy is in. It falls out when he cries. During the day he sometimes sucks his thumb and I'd lvoe him to learn that at night.

So should I dump the dummy now, as I embark on some sleep training; or would it be too cruel all at once?

I realise I sound soppy. ANY advice, ideas would be very much appreciated!

Hulla Mon 14-Sep-09 19:28:35

I'm not a fan of sleep "training" so I won't comment on that but I wouldn't ditch the dummy first if you're going to do it.

Suckling is a huge comfort to babies, IIRC it releases endorphins. If you think he'll struggle to find his thumb at night then leave him with the dummy for comfort.

I don't think you're being soppy by asking, you care for your son and don't want to cause unneccessary distress.

HTH a bit

duedec2 Tue 15-Sep-09 04:59:38

HTH?

leothelioness Tue 15-Sep-09 06:31:01

hope that helps-HTH

I would also go for ditching the dummy first and then sleep train. I personally donot like CC but my kids coslept for a long time so can't comment on that part.
Doing both toghether will be very stressful for baby as your ds would loose two things he uses for comfort to fall asleep (you and dummy) simultaneously and that might me too much.

flimflammum Tue 15-Sep-09 06:53:09

I've found the Baby Whisperer techniques really helpful with sleep if you are reluctant to do CC - got both mine to sleep through - by using 'pick-up put-down' with DS who was previously bf to sleep, and by getting into better habits from the start with DD. My DD at 22m still has a dummy (although this is against their advice - they are recommended only for first 3 months I think). If you're not doing so already, put several (4 or 5) dummies around the cot so he's more likely to find one himself. Also, when DD did used to wake and cry for her dummy I used to give it back to her hand rather than put it in her mouth, so that she got used to putting it in herself.

I'll be reading old threads on MN myself soon on how to ditch the dummy at age 2 smile.

flimflammum Tue 15-Sep-09 06:55:21

Sorry, in answer to your question: so you can do gentle and effective sleep training and still keep the dummy, if you wish.

duedec2 Tue 15-Sep-09 11:41:27

Thanks so much - that's extremely helpful. I hadn't thought of putting the dummy into his hand and will try that - good idea.

I did a bit of pick up put down when DS was about five months, for bedtime, and it worked well - bedtime is no prob (usually). But it did make him cry (pissed off sort of cry) and I always assumed it would be dreadful for both of us in the middle of the night to do all that up and down up and down. I guess he might not wake though if that happened to him when he did!

I thought I was going to do a little CC last night but decided it was too unpleasant, poor baby!

BornToFolk Tue 15-Sep-09 11:48:38

Have you tried patting and shhhing rather than picking him up? It really worked wonders for DS.

How long do you give him before going to to him? And what's he doing? If he's just murmuring/grizzling, try leaving him for a little while and see if he settles. Obviously, if he's properly crying, go to him.

I'd keep the dummy for now if I was you. It's a good cue that it's time for sleep and if it's an easy fix to night wakings sometimes then ever better.

alypaly Tue 15-Sep-09 11:53:37

you are making a rod for your own back going to him as soon as he cries. Unless they are poorly crying, doesnt kill them and they will soon learn that u wont come to them all them immediately.They will often cry themselves to sleep and suffer no ill effects. If u absolutely have to go to him,try not to speak at all as this then stimulates them and they will want this every night. They are very clever in getting what thay want i.e.you running when they they call

alypaly Tue 15-Sep-09 11:54:20

i would ditch the dummy as if this falls out of the mouth it often wakes them

dycey Tue 15-Sep-09 19:46:24

I have thought a lot about dummies and if I were you I would keep the dummy at this stage. I got rid of the dummy at 5.5 months for DS and although it helped at first with ceasing night wakings they quickly returned (me picking him up and comforting). I think at 10 months your DS will be attached to his dummy.... better go with it.

I did a lot of dummy reading when planning to give it up and lots of Mums say that at 9, 10, 11 months and even earlier the baby can find it themselves in their cot. BUt you have to give them the chance to.

Try a sleepytot - or leaving a lot about him?

WHen I took away the dummy my DS rolled about (crying) in his cot a lot and found his teddy. He also found my hand and tried to suck that. Poor love. Never found his thumb -sadly. Anyway, if you put baby down with dummy either in his hand or on the sleepytot you will be able to teach him - and there will be some crying - that the dummy is available for HIM to put in his mouth himself.

Take a step back and teach him to find it himself - that will help in the night!

A middle ground. HTH2

Good luck

dycey Tue 15-Sep-09 19:57:23

ON the other hand, if you can find another soothing way to get your babe off to sleep then you could chance losing the dummy I think. My wise sister advised me to rock my baby instead when I took the dummy away. I didn't and it was distressing to us all (for 30 minutes only) while he cried for it. But he was younger and I think forgot faster.....

YOu could rock instead - but surely then you are replacing the dummy with rocking - another dependency to break?

Don't think I am helping...

Have put a lot of sleep deprived thinking time into dummies and sleep generally though.

Very good luck. I will stop now!

Milsy Mon 28-Sep-09 21:33:20

I think maybe you could teach him to find the dummy himself first and that might just sort things out for you anyway. And if not, you could then do some 'sleep training' (dare I say it) LOL.

For us, we have a www.sleepytot.com and it helped our LO to find the dummy without needing me to help.

Then there was no more night waking so I never needed to do anything else.

But as others suggest, you could try putting loads of dummies in the cot and teaching your LO to find the dummy himself in the day?

hayleybop Mon 28-Sep-09 22:02:44

I am in the same boat as you. My DD2 who is 10 months old started using a dummy at 9 months, it's great as it is a cue for naps and bedtime, this is only the time when she has the dummy. I am also night weaning at the moment, done 3 nights of it....no more breast feeding in the night. It's bloody hard work with lots of crying but the dummy helps loads. Never had a dummy with my DD1 and that was even harder. I would often be up for a few hours in the night soothing her back to sleep due to illness or teething ect....up untill she was about 2 years old. She's a brilliant sleeper now at 2.5years though only wakes up if she is reall really ill!
I have had success after two nights of not feeding, she slept through the other night but woke up last night...I just pick her up, cuddle put her down, pat her back hush , abit of everything....It's working though as she used to wake up at set times in the night and the habit has broken and now she is waking up at 6.30am in the morning and thats when I feed her then she goes back to sleep till 8am...nice. When she woke up last night it wasnt the ususl time she wakes up so the habitual waking is being altered and hopefully I am getting through to her....I am testing fate hear by saying all this as tonight she will have me up all night long,..Argggg. My plan is to get her sleeping through, leave it for a couple of months then ditch the dummy...

hayleybop Mon 28-Sep-09 22:05:32

I also have her in a cot next to my bed...I used to have the side down but two weeks ago put the sides up....It's helping...gradualy moving things on...

snickersnack Mon 28-Sep-09 22:13:49

What about a clip for the dummy with a v short cord (so he won't strangle himself) that you can clip to his pyjamas? It's what we did with dd at about 11 months - she was waking several times, and taking ages to settle because by the time I got to her, she was wide awake. We practised with it during nap times, with me showing her what to do, and then the first night I went in and showed her how to find it,and it did make a huge difference. She then went on to sleep happily through the night until 3 when we ditched the dummy in return for a small fairy doll (her choice) and she carried on sleeping beautifully (until recently, but that's another story!)

duedec2 Tue 29-Sep-09 16:24:29

That's funny,snickersnack - I just started trying the v short cord thing yesterday. He tore it off and flung it across his cot; but will keep trying!
In the meantime, re sleep training, I've put a mattress next to his cot, got it level with his, and have just stopped picking him up ... and last night he just woke once at 4am for his usual feed (whcih is usally at 3, actually) which was record breaking. Since my husband is away at the moment I'm going to do this for a little longer (the few times he's woken up I've just shushed him... bit of crying but it felt fine, he didn't get v upset and was at no point abandoned) and v much hope that if I do need to do anything tougher it will be much less painful. But we will see! This will be a good way to get him off the dawn feed, anyway ...

duedec2 Tue 29-Sep-09 16:25:39

ie you were exactly right BorntoFolk!

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