Trying to retrain 11 month old dd to fall asleep in cot - controlled crying

[nigelslaterfan]

After a long time over summer getting into carrying or feeding 11 mont old dd off to sleep I'm trying to leave her in her cot at nap and bed time to get off to sleep on her own.

She is basically crying for about 15 minutes, sometimes less, sometimes a little more, with me comforting at intervals.

Is this about right? She is clearly getting the message, last night she went off really quickly although it was late.

When she wakes up after her nap/sleep she doesn't seem upset or traumatised by the experience but part of me hates to leave her crying.

Any encouragement to keep it up would be gratefully received.

[belgo]

Sounds like you're doing fine. It is hard for some babies to learn how to go to sleep on their own, and 11 months is about the right age to encourage this, and crying for 15 minutes with you comforting her sounds fine.

[abra1d]

If she's dropping off very quickly now it sounds as though you're both managing it well.

As long as you go in to to comfort her from time to time when she's crying (but don't pick her up, just reassure her that you're still there) she will be fine.

I did something similar to this with my son at about 7 or 8 months. He has always been a good sleeper since. He's 12 now.

[nigelslaterfan]

Thanks! I've just been up and she was screaming like a banshee. And then she looks at me with this devastated look 'how can you abandon me you COW? you have BETRAYED me!' I can't bear it! But she is finally quiet I think..... (it's so hard but I need a tiny break from her when I can do SOMETHING OTHER than look after her!!)

[abra1d]

Of course you need a break. It's good for you and if it's good for you, it's good for her.

[smee]

If you can't hack the crying, get a pair of good headphones and a walkman, take a book and sit in her room reading so she can see you. Every so often look up, smile say it's okay but basically ignore. Somehow you don't feel such an ogre if you're there with them and once they've got the hang of it, and accepted that, you can gradually withdraw. I used to sit for a minute, then say you're going to get something or that you're going to the loo, but don't go back or slowly increase the time you're away - they're usually asleep by the time you're back. Takes maybe longer but is far, far kinder on both of you and still works.

[nigelslaterfan]

LOL smee, and good advice thanks!
Parenting isn't about just being soft is it? !
She's just relented after 4 mins, properly tired.....

Why is caring for a baby so exhausting and so time consuming and dh says "why haven't you done ANYTHING all day?" And he doesn't understand how hard it is to much of anything at all!

[ilovespagbol]

I could have written this post! - we are in exact same position ad last night DP did what smee suggested and it seemed to work - she got bored and went to sleep. We are starting to gradiually withdraw from the room too. Ooh, I hate the looks too but she does not mean it!

[tenacityflux]

We've been doing it too, I've been ok but tonight she was really bad at bed time, and she was screaming as I sat there relentlessly singing, I went down and in the end DP said he'd go up to her as she was still going after my second visit, and she was banging her head on the cot so he picked her up, although we're not supposed to; I brought her a drink and tried to hug her but she leaned over to him and I felt terrible. He finally got her off by bouncing her, she was awake when he put her down but only for a second or so. Have I ruined it all now? I am convinced she hates me now as it's me who usually goes and sits with her.
What to do next, and any advice on how to stop her waking at 5 am every day!