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My partner snores and I want to kill him!!! HELP!!! IDEAS!!! ADVICE!!!!

(68 Posts)
sparklycheerymummy Sun 23-Aug-09 22:03:35

That may sound extreme but I am at my wits end. I am 6 months pregnant and have suffered till 21 weeks with sickness. My dp snores so loudly he wakes my dd up who is 7! He doesnt just snore .... its a mixture of whistling, heavy breathing, grunts, moans, piggy snorting snores, stopping breathing then letting out a snore loud enough to cause an earthquake. I just cant sleep - I cant stop crying because I am so tired. He says I should just leave him to sleep and get a grip but i can barely function. I have slept on our small 2 seat sofa to try let him sleep but I have a large bump for 6 months pregnant and I wake up crippled with back ache. i adore my dp but because i nudge him or rub his arm he says he is tired and its my fault. What do I do??? I have bought him a special watch thing and nose strips but they only worked for the first night! He works incredibly hard and I appreciate everything he does but he is turning into the nastiest most aggresive and arrogant pig and I dont know what to do. I am ordering a new mattres to see if it helps. He basically has put on weight and knows this is THE reason he snores yet he continues to eat crap and 2 large bags of peanuts as a snack and fry ups every day etc etc but it is still MY fault he is tired cos i obviously try to get him to at least lie on his side in the night as the snoring is quieter! SHOULD I LEAVE HIM TO SNORE AND EITHER A) SLEEP ON 2 SEATER SOFA CRAMPED UP OR B) LIE AWAKE ALL NIGHT LISTENING TO HIS ORCHESTRA OF SNORES. This may sound trivial to some but if you have a partner who snores you may know how i feel. PLEASE TAKE TIME TO GIVE ME HELP OR IDEAS xxxx

CMOTdibbler Sun 23-Aug-09 22:08:00

Send him to his GP with a recording of him snoring. He may have obstructive sleep apnoea, which is a serious condition that can cause strokes and heart attacks.

My DH snored terribly for years, and when I finally got him to the GP it turned out that he stopped breathing 87 times an hour. He now has treatment, and there is no snoring at all. Plus he's a lot healthier

OrmIrian Sun 23-Aug-09 22:11:20

Just kill him. Honestly it's easier wink. It isn't trivial it's a nightmare. Make him sleep elsewhere until he agrees to do something about it.

sparklycheerymummy Sun 23-Aug-09 23:07:37

This really is just down to his weight.......... he didnt snore before..... only when drunk. His breathing is heavy all time but I do want to send him to GP..... he just tells me to F**K off and says he doesnt need a doctor just needs leaving to sleep!!! Cant force him to go. Have got recordings though so may go myself to ask for advice!

Thinkstoomuch Sun 23-Aug-09 23:15:20

Tells you to fuck off and makes his 6-months pregnant partner sleep on the sofa? - sounds like an utter prick.

My DH snores - I can hear him right now in fact - and he at least has the good grace to acknowledge that it's a problem for me and is trying different things, including losing weight.

Alibabaandthe40nappies Sun 23-Aug-09 23:18:27

My DH snores. But he is the one who goes to the spare room and I get the bed.
He needs to lose some weight (as do I!) and we are working on it together at the moment.

I'm sorry but your partner sounds like a total arse.

sparklycheerymummy Sun 23-Aug-09 23:28:41

I have just read some stuff on sleep apnoea to him and he says he will think about ringing doctor and doesnt need reminding and then his words were "so basically you're f*ing telling me I am fat!" I am just worried whats going to happen when baby arrives! Irritability is one of characteristics of this obstructive sleep apnoea.

themoon66 Sun 23-Aug-09 23:31:28

I was gonna say just kill him now or you will be me in 23 years! But I see Orm has said pretty much the same.

Kill him now.

differentID Sun 23-Aug-09 23:35:11

I have a suggestion on how to kill him- suffocate the bugger!

sparklycheerymummy Sun 23-Aug-09 23:47:01

HOnestly i feel like it. I love him to pieces but at 4am after no sleep I find myself poking him really hard as gentle nudging doesnt work!! Its like having a baby and not knowing if they are going to let you get any sleep or not!

ShrimpOnTheBarbie Mon 24-Aug-09 00:41:27

I completely, totally and utterly feel your pain. I'm 31 weeks pregnant (with a 2yr old who does not nap) to run around after all day and I need my sleep. Luckily, after much grumbling, he has moved onto the couch. It is a bit weird to not be sharing a bed but we are getting on a lot better now that we are both getting more sleep. Not sure what we are going to do long term as he refuses to deal with the problem.

hambler Mon 24-Aug-09 00:56:26

he should sleep on the sofa until he loses the lard that is causing the snoring

sunangel88 Mon 24-Aug-09 01:54:04

just poke him each time he snores. Snoring usually happens when he's in deep sleep, the poking will take him to a lighter level of sleep. It may even wake him up. And if poking takes too much energy then pinch him. grin

Then he'll get pissed off and hopefully stomp off to the sofa....

And get him to go on a diet or exercise regime until he loses weight.

KerryMumbles Mon 24-Aug-09 02:12:34

smother him with a cushion. It is your only option

S1ur Mon 24-Aug-09 02:27:08

My FIL is a translator and uses a software program occasionally. Once he fell asleep and composed a beautiful poem based on his snores.

It was quite profound.

I suggest you get recording and start analysing your Dp and then present him with a bill.

ches Mon 24-Aug-09 04:59:43

You know what, though? Yes, you are telling him he is fat, because he is, and it has become a health issue for both of you. He is fat, and you still love him and are still attracted to him, but he needs to acknowledge his problem with food, the problems its causing for his family, and stop being an arse about it all.

joolzr Mon 24-Aug-09 06:01:21

My OH is an awful snorer too and I've battled this for years (he also has a weight issue he is sensitive about). Our solution is to have a second bedroom all set up for him to decamp to in the middle of the night. He's a much better sleeper than I am and settles quickly. I realise not everyone can manage this though. Obviously a diet would work too, but you can only take the horse to water...

It's also a vicious circle- he snores more when he is tired, which means I wake him up furious, he gets more tired, more snoring.

Perhaps one of you (him preferably) should spend a few nights on a inflatable mattress to break the cycle so you can tackle it all in a better frame of mind?

Or just kill him.

Lizzzombie Mon 24-Aug-09 07:39:20

Its outrageous that he is making you sleep on the sofa when you are pregnant, when its him who is keeping you awake.
We have a sofa bed where my DP sleeps most nights due to his vile snoring.
I know of two other couples who sleep seperately on a regular basis due to excessive snoring too. In fact, I think I heard somewhere that 1 in 4 people do.
Drs do take it as a serious problem, and will do their best to help.
We have tried all sorts of "cures" and "remedies" and the only one which works is sleeping seperately.

How about getting a blow up mattress ready before you go to bed and kicking him out on to that?
Can you put him on a diet?

sparklycheerymummy Mon 24-Aug-09 16:13:58

I am refusing to buy crisps and choccy biscuits etc which is mean for my daughter but fortunately she isnt overly bothered for stuff like that and I shouldnt be eating too much anyway! He says he has an appointment on Thursday but not sure i believe him. its just getting me down and i feel like just curling up all time!!!!!

DeathbyDora Mon 24-Aug-09 16:21:36

I too sleep with a snorer and his snoring is also because he has gained weight. However, he has at least had the good grace to admit that he needs to lose weight and is MORTIFIED if he wakes up in the morning and I have moved to the sofa. (Am 6 mnths pg as well with 2 DCs).

Sorry but your DP sounds like a selfish, immature areshole. Telling to you f*ck off?? Making you sleep on a tiny sofa??

Is there anywhere else in the house he could sleep? Could he splash out on a bigger sofa?
Maybe sleep on his own in your DD's room once or twice a week and you have DD in with you just to get some sleep??

I mean, is he seriously this mean and unpleasant or does he genuinely just not get how distressing this is for you??

sparklycheerymummy Mon 24-Aug-09 17:48:36

He is just very selfish at times but I know he is tired and working very very hard 6.30am till 11pm somedays! When I say i am tired and struggling to function his response is just ......'why is it always about you......dont you think i am tired too.... i am the one working while you are not at work over summer!!!' This was his response when I had severe morning sickness and needed him to do more (i lost 1.5stone in weight and was very very sick!!) Have told him today that I will not share a bed with him and he has to sleep downstairs till he proves he is making an effort to sort it.

Lizzzombie Mon 24-Aug-09 18:25:36

Well done!
Good luck x

differentID Mon 24-Aug-09 18:53:58

Good Luck! If it doesn't work, kick him in the nadgers till he goes downstairs.

sparklycheerymummy Mon 24-Aug-09 19:36:35

I will do!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

hayleybop Mon 24-Aug-09 21:00:26

God just reading your thread....sounds just like my fella on a bad day.
Feel your pain as my Boyfriend snores...I have DD1 who is 2.5 and a 9 month old. Both wake up some nights but just DD2 now but it's bloody hard work trying to get back to sleep when your OH is snoring away. When I was pregnant with DD2 I had really bad insomnia because of pregnancy but the snoring didnt help one bit.
Men can be so selfish at times but you stick up for yourself and dont feel you are in the wrong when they make you feel like you are. You need your rest, your making a baby...

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