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Couple of co-sleeping questions...

(28 Posts)
earlycomputers Tue 11-Aug-09 20:46:43

Hi - I am planning on cosleeping with my newborn when he/she arrives soon and wanted to pick the brains of those who already do this with their babies.
My questions are - when you have finished a breastfeed in the night (presumably lying down), do you move away/or move the baby away from your body so as to reduce the risk of rolling on to them? Or do you leave them in situ (ie close to your chest/body) and carry on sleeping?
Also - how/when do you eventually move them into their own bed - is this likely to be tough to do as they would be so used to sleeping in your bed?

many thanks in advance!

LadyOfWaffle Tue 11-Aug-09 20:50:22

I roll away, either slightly more on my back or just shuffle backwards, unless I fall asleep feeding. DS I just put into his own room into a bed when he was about 2, apart from 5am visits for a while it was fine. I'd 'worry' about that when the time comes

thisisyesterday Tue 11-Aug-09 20:52:38

if i am awake i move him away but that's only cos i like the extra space for myself lol
more often than not i fall asleep during the feed and then wake up with a dead arm

i do think that it's worth looking at it as a long-term thing, it isn't always. but if you only want to do it until 6 months or something then you could have a hard time transitioning. so my advice is just assume you';ll have them there until they're ready to move lol

we took the side off the cot with ds2 and gradually got him used to being in there, and then eventually put the side back on and he was fine.
ds3 however might just stay in my bed forever!

floatyjosmum Tue 11-Aug-09 21:07:17

dont want to sound rude but ...

would it be better to get a cot that can be put at bed height, know when i had dd who is 4 there was a cot with 27 different heights for this purpose and then just have the side down.

dont know how other local authorities work but im a social worker and we would s.47 investigation any baby under 18 months that is sleeping with parents.
didnt want to scare you just wanted to warn you as some professionals see it as very dangerous

dorisbonkers Tue 11-Aug-09 21:14:57

I'm now scared. What's an s.47 investigation?

I had my baby in Singapore and co-slept and used an Amby. I'm now in London and use a cot in my room for when she goes down and when she night feeds she stays with me (babydan bedguard, etc.)

I feel safe as she's 9 months, we're still breastfeeding and I follow all the guidelines.

I know I couldn't have continued to breastfeed exclusively without co-sleeping.

Many of my friends co-sleep and have never had any investigation from anyone, or really any serious aggro from HVs or doctors.

thisisyesterday Tue 11-Aug-09 21:18:02

well i don't want to seem rude but some social workers are clearly deranged.

i am sorry, but investigating people who co-sleep? ha

thisisyesterday Tue 11-Aug-09 21:18:44

ditto doris, there are hundreds and hundreds of women out there co-sleeping who haven't been investigated by social services.

dorisbonkers Tue 11-Aug-09 21:19:44

I know. Talk about not fighting 'the big fight' and sweating the small stuff, what with what's in the news....

Sorry, not having a go at you floatyjo as you're only pointing this out (and nicely) but farkin' ell!

barleycorn Tue 11-Aug-09 21:20:30

Now I know why I lie when/if any HCP ask me where my dc sleep....

floatyjosmum Wed 12-Aug-09 00:38:08

a s.47 investigation is in theory a joing investigation by social services and the police.
generally we just advise dont do it but if parenta refuse it has gone to case conference before for a child protection plan (what was at risk register and then child protection register)
this is because in this county alone 5 babies died in 18 months due to sleepign with parents.

llareggub Wed 12-Aug-09 00:48:53

Well, thank heavens not all "professionals" are as barking as you. My HV did not explode in a panic when I told her about co-sleeping with DS. She rather sensibly pointed me in the direction of the SIDS guidance and left me to parent my child in peace.

S47 FFS.

OmicronPersei8 Wed 12-Aug-09 01:11:02

Ignoring the scary social services stuff (I felt DD and DS were safer as newborns, sleeping on my chest the first few weeks), with DS we had a side cot (cheap cot with side taken off) and after a feed I'd roll him into it. This arrangement worked well for us partly as we had a toddler climbing into bed with us too and this meant there was space for us all.

dorisbonkers Wed 12-Aug-09 08:20:11

I could be wrong, but was that 5 babies being rolled onto? Which can happen on sofas and if you don't safely co-sleep (I accept you cannot get rid of all the risks). Or was it 5 SIDS deaths that happened to tragically occur in the

And of course, it is a tragedy, but 5 deaths due to one issue isn't that statistically significant a number, not to affect policy drastically, I wouldn't have thought? But of course, parents DO need safe sleeping guidelines however they choose to sleep as a family.

And how many deaths in this country in the last couple of years came about because of negligence of social services?

I also like the 18-month cut off point. As if parents had the baby in a cot until then, then invited the kid into bed.

dorisbonkers Wed 12-Aug-09 08:34:11

sorry, to clarify, I guess 5 deaths could be enough to change policy if the number jumped or was out of the ordinary. And any infant death, if preventable, should be a concern. But I would have thought an investigation was an unbelievably draconian way to go about this.

Some infant deaths in the parental bed are caused by drunk/drugged/parents smoking so why is the co-sleeping the focus, and not the other behaviour?

MrsBadger Wed 12-Aug-09 08:42:09

hi early computers

ignore bonkers social services scaremongering - follow the FSIDS guidelines and you will be fine

I too shuffled away from dd - eventually she would roll over away from me.
We started with a kingsize bed (vital IME, get one if at all possible) but when she got bigger and we were pushed for space we took one side off the cot and pushed it up to our bed - luckily the mattress was at exactly the right height but it's usually easy to drill extra holes if not.
We moved her into her own room at about 9m and it was hard but we managed (and all slept better as a consequence)

earlycomputers Wed 12-Aug-09 11:35:08

So - re squashing/rolling on to the baby after a feed - unless one shuffled away from the baby, then I guess there is still a risk of squashing etc the baby after a feed if they are newborns and one hasn't moved away from them? ie could your breast (if still left in their mouth) suffocate them?

Re weaning them into their own cots at a later date - I would imagine at this stage I would want to do this sometime between when they are 3 and 6 months. Wouldn't it be easier to do this when they are younger as opposed to when they are say 18 months/2 years old?
Thanks in advance again

hanaflower Wed 12-Aug-09 11:39:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

floatyjosmum Wed 12-Aug-09 11:44:58

all 5 were rolled onto, i know 1 that i visited ater baby had dies did nto involve drugs or alcohol.
it was a tiny baby and if any of you had seen that dad (who was the one that had rolled onto baby)you wouldnt ever do it. it destroyed that family.

id like to say i was only offering advice and didnt need my job belittleing!

MrsBadger Wed 12-Aug-09 12:06:59

oh dd always slept between me and the edge of the bed (with a bedguard obv)

There is some research to show that fathers don't have the same non-squashing instincts as nursing mothers - their sleep patterns are different or something - so I kept her well away from DH.

I really don't think your boob could suffocate a baby - they really do 'drop off' of their own accord when they are deeply asleep, it's not like a dummy that stays in. And if they want to stay on (and hence are not deeply asleep), then if their nose gets blocked they shuffle till they are clear, and usually you wake up and move as well.

Between 3 and 6m they are usually still feeding a lot at night, which is the time when cosleeping is the most useful as at least you can doze while feeding.
The classic 4m growth spurt is a time when many people who hadn't previously coslept start, just to get some rest!

After 6m when (theoretically) they are more active during the day and beginning to think about solids, you might find they sleep better so moving them would be less of a big deal. Remember that FSIDS recommends that you keep them in you room for the first 6m though.

And no-one's belittling your job, floatyjo, I think we were just shock at your reaction.

MoominMymbleandMy Wed 12-Aug-09 12:23:22

shock at section 47 investigation.

Really, I am amazed and infuriated at such an ill-founded and incorrectly thought-out policy which dismisses a parenting practice which has been safely carried out all over the world for centuries.

It is perfectly safe to co-sleep as long as you do it properly and there are plenty of guidelines. Deborah Jackson's "Three in a Bed" is the best guide to safe co-sleeping I know, is a very reputable publication and has been around for decades.

And mentioning five deaths in isolation without comparing statistics for cot deaths or any information about how they occurred is simply scaremongering.

I really think there are far, far more important issues for social services to worry about.

PrincessToadstool Wed 12-Aug-09 12:37:05

My HV knew I was co-sleeping, and while she did say some pretty stupid things to me about it, I didn't get a visit from SS hmm

roobard Wed 12-Aug-09 13:42:38

Our dd has coslept with us off and on and is now 19 months old. She starts off the night in her own cot but invariably ends up with us. We did it as she was inconsolable if she woke in the night. Some friends have made comments so I looked co sleeping up on the internet- Notre Dame university has extensively researched it and found that it extends the amount of time breastfeeding; it makes parents more responsive to children and that the risk of SIDs seems to actually diminish rather than increase. Have to say that I am more convinced by this than anecdotal scaremongering which encourages parents to ignore their instincts and their baby's needs. I wish I'd read the research when I first had dd as I would have done a lot of things differently. So glad we barely attempted cc; I won't ever do it now.

hanaflower Wed 12-Aug-09 19:40:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoominMymbleandMy Wed 12-Aug-09 20:42:16

Both of mine have slept with us without evicting DH.

When they were tiny they slept cuddled on us and when they were bigger they slept with someone's arm cuddled round them.

We do not take drugs, drink or smoke. Neither of us is obese and we use sheets and light weight cellular blankets rather than a duvet and keep the pillows well away from the baby.

We are both of us aware that the baby is there.

titferbrains Wed 12-Aug-09 21:18:32

I co-slept and would put DD up nice and high after a feed so she couldn't get smothered by duvet. I felt much safer having her near me (as many mothers have i'm sure for 1000s of years, wouldn't you think?) and was always amazed that she would "seek" me out so that she could keep her hand on my boob if I moved away. DH was always very careful to move away and we have a large bed. Co sleeping is great if you're sensible. I still worry about DD being another room now and I really miss sleeping with her.

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