14mth old can't / won't settle... Help!

[NikNakF]

Ah trusty mumsnet - please help!

My son is 14mths old and I hate to complain but DH and I are getting frustrated. We had sleep problems around 5-10mths but these improved with sleep training (mainly NCSS, CC didn't work with our little one) and now once he is asleep at about 7.30pm he can sleep until about 6am, though usually with one wake up at about 5am. Daytime naps are two, one at 10am for 30mins, one at 1pm for about 1 1/2 hrs to 2 hrs.

Basically he won't settle - have a great bedtime routine, which he is very used to, and is only on a sippy cup of milk at nighttime (no nightfeeds). Laying him down and patting him is a nightmare now as he rolls and stands and crys. We try to just pat and shhhh-shhh him until he passes out, but this can take ages and ages. When he wakes in the night, this needs to be repeated and again can take over an hour.

DH can get him to sleep by rocking and cuddling and then putting him down, but I feel this isn't helping him learn to go to sleep himself.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? Can anyone offer any help? We would really really appreciate it.

[luvaduck]

do you think it might be time to drop his am nap???
we are going through a similar thing but at 2, and i think he's trying to drop his nap.

gradual withdrawal has worked for us before, but it takes time!

[NikNakF]

Thanks for your help luvaduck.

I have tried dropping the am nap but he is usually exhausted and ends up sleeping through lunch, having a late or interrupted lunch and then not sleeping properly in the afternoon!

We don't seem to be able to move along with gradual withdrawal either, he always seems to need intense work to get to sleep!

[hairymelons]

Hi
We've had some success doing a tailored version of NCSS with our 13mo. It's taken us months to work out what he needs us to do to help him fall asleep but until this week, he always fed to sleep and we can now put him down nearly asleep! As long as we stand over the cot and shush occassionally that is. And he's sleeping better throughout the night as a result.

I'm not counting my chickens though, we've always had the odd good night followed by weeks of teething or illness. I know now that it's never completely over and he will probably need that comfort at some point again.

As it sounds like you're doing everything you can with his bedtime routine etc., is there any chance there's a physical explanation? Or even that he's going through a developmental leap? How long has he been like this? Is he unsettled once asleep?
If you can put your finger on what's stopping him from settling, maybe it wouldn't be so bad to rock etc. for a while then start putting down nearly asleep etc, y'know the whole NCSS thing? Or maybe the thought of going through all that again makes you want to weep....

I just find that doing whatever helps my son get to sleep is much preferable to spending hours in his room with him wailing at me. We are trying to teach him to do it by himself but slowly.

Apologies if bugger all help, my OH would be wetting himself if he knew I was on MN giving out sleep advice!

[poppy34]

Niknak and hairy no advice but sympathy as you could be describing my dd niknak( 13 and a bit months old) -I do wonder if it's developmental as she struggles on one nap a day so over tiredness and is so going through separation anxiety, trying to walk and talk

[ches]

My son is nearly 2.5 now and still will not settle himself. IMO the self settling lark is down to luck of the draw; some will do it without much fuss and some, like mine, will not. I work full-time and DH is a full-time student with a part time job so we don't have the time or energy to force DS to settle himself through CC, so we take the easy route every night. He's back to sleep in minutes and so are we.

[NikNakF]

Thanks for your help guys. I think it doesn't help that he is desperate to walk. Nice to know others in similar situation - and maybe it is just luck of the draw!