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help help help help!!!

(17 Posts)
allyco Tue 24-May-05 20:21:37

some of you mamy remember me posting a couple of weeks or so about DD no.4 who will not sleep more than 20mins during day and only about three or s hours at night.

The latest new and exciting development is she's started waking up after about 20 mins at night too. Tonight she's only been in bed since 7.30pm and she's already woken up and screamed and been settled again twice and now she's awake again.

I just don't know what to do any more.

PLEASE tell me what I'm doing wrong as I am getting desperate. I've got other kids to get up for school in the morning, I've got to go to work, I've got ironing etc. etc. I'm beside myself HELP

SenoraPostrophe Tue 24-May-05 20:22:31

how old is she?

allyco Tue 24-May-05 20:25:01

senora - she's nearly nine months.

Was nine weeks prem.

She is absolutely screaming her head off upstairs.

I am a crap mother.

tillykins Tue 24-May-05 20:26:21

you're not a crap mother!

what happens if you leave her to cry for a bit?

morningpaper Tue 24-May-05 20:27:44

What does she want? Feeding, rocking?

Is she teething? If her sleeping pattern seems more disturbed it might be worth trying Calpol to eliminate teething pain?

starshaker Tue 24-May-05 20:28:04

you are not a crap mother u have already raised 3 kids cant give u advice on sleep thing as dd sleeps right through at 5 weeks (sure this will change lol) butim sure some1 will give u better advise than me but bumping anyway

foolysh Tue 24-May-05 20:30:27

I really hate leaving them to cry to sleep but sometimes you can't do better. Are you sure she doesn't need a burp, that she's not hungry, cold or hot? She sounds over-tired.

Have you or your DH tried swaddling her up & rocking her? I can't settle my 11month old for love or money but DH just wraps the baby up tight, and shushes him to sleep in no time.

What kind of bedding do you use? DS2 started sleeping a lot better when he could roll over on his tum -- all of my babies hated sleepsacs, actually, because they couldn't roll over inthem. DS2 has slept so much better since we took him out of the sleep sac.

Hope at least one of those is an idea you haven't tried a million times already!

hermykne Tue 24-May-05 20:30:57

there are lots of reasons why , you ll have to check them all
how much milk does she take?
does she poo regularly?
how is her diet, how many meals a day?
whats her supper?
any sugary things?
whats her mood like in the day?
is she fighting for attention with your other children?

youre not a bad mum, try to narrow the field a bit and rule out what you know is ok with her, her likes? andsee if there is a pattern?

i feel it can be to do with diet after i learnt due to my nightmare of sleepless nights with ds.

hermykne Tue 24-May-05 20:32:16

allyco that meant to read "lots of reasons why it might be" not implying they are the answers

allyco Tue 24-May-05 20:36:49

you are all SO NICE!

well. Not sure about teething. She doesn't have any teeth yet but none of my others got teeth until they were over a year old (which reminds me led to much angst at time because MIL said late teething = baby is slow in the head!!!)

She does quieten if I pick her up and hold her. Am trying to cut down the BFing as it's just a reward for waking up IYKWIM but she'll quieten for that too.

starshaker how do you do it? Does DD just go into cot and sleep without you having to do anything??

I have such a problem with her crying. I think a lot of it is because I work and I'm guilty for leaving her to do that and think that when she cries at night she needs me and I'm such a cow not to pick her up, hold her, BF her etc. etc. Then another part of me realises that holding, feeding etc is just storing up trouble and making her think it's worth waking up for the attention (I've read all the books believe me).

I get sort of panicky leaving her to cry as it just goes right through me and I don't understand how other people are strong enough to do it.

Does anyone else have these guilt feelings?

Sometimes I can't believe I've got four kids. Even the HV said I would know more abut it than she does because she hasn't got any.

While I've been typing this she has gone quiet and NOW I feel guilty for that too.Bloody hell, I'm going loopy.

SenoraPostrophe Tue 24-May-05 20:39:08

ds was like that and I did leave him to cry. I mean leave him to cry too as the going back into the room a la gina Ford thing made him worse. It took 1 night.

In the daytime I put him to sleep in the pram and then rocked it the second he opened his eyes for a while - did that at about 3 months.

SenoraPostrophe Tue 24-May-05 20:40:16

sorry, I meant i went into the room once, but once only.

ear plugs?

allyco Tue 24-May-05 20:46:10

Thanks for all these suggestions. don;t feel so on my own now.

Fooly: she sleeps in the grobag things because someone said they swore by them. Yes indeedy I've done a lot of swearing too... Swaddling we tried but she hated it. She does suck her thumb though.

Hermykne - well. The last solids of the day for her is tea (dinner if you're posh) and she tends to eat what we have now provided it's suitable. She doesn't have supper as such, and none of my others did. Do you think some porridge or something?? I'm going to start another thread about that as I've never really though about hunger as a possible cause and I wonder how many people feed their kids/themselves supper, as we don't.(God, now I'll start obssessing about that). Poopwise she is "regular". She has formula when I'm at work as could never express enough for her. She has four 7ozs bottles during the day. I don't think she fights for attention as she gets it all. My others are 7 and 12 so at school anyway and they love her to bits.

Any other ideas please tell me. I'll do ANYTHING.

morningpaper Tue 24-May-05 20:48:58

Can you get your hubby to go in to her at night for a few nights, so that she knows she isn't going to get any milk?

foolysh Tue 24-May-05 20:51:19

Yeah, well, your baby hasn't read all the other baby's manuals. I'd try ditching the sleep sac/grow bag thing. My babies hated it, worth a try, anyway. I chose my talkname aptly because I was a fool not to realise sooner how much worse it was making DS2 sleep. I put him in fleecy babygros, now, he can move around freely, so MUCH better.

hermykne Tue 24-May-05 21:22:10

my ds is nearly ten months, has a feed in morn and even and 3 meals a day, i thought about supper for his wakenings but then i coped on that he already had so much food in his tummy he was cramping at night, thus crying, so he got pureed prunes and wow he is a different baby, he consistently eats loads thru out the day.

his bad sleeping period was over about 6/8wks.

starshaker Tue 24-May-05 22:36:29

yeah i just feed her wind her and put her down and she sleeps. she has moments in the afternoon that she just wants cuddles but think she knows when shes in her crib i mean business and mummy wants sleep. during the day shes in her pram in the livingroom

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