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thinking of leaving to cry?

(10 Posts)
nicewarmslippers Tue 04-Aug-09 14:52:37

My ds is 10 months and big for his age. He is refularly boobing 3 times a night and I REALLY could do with some sleep. Going in to sooth him (me or husband) does nothing. He wants a boob and nothing else works. However I am concerned that he isn't eating much in the day as he gets all his calories at night and its not doing any of us any good. A friend said she left her ds at a similar age and put ear plugs in and after 3 nights it was solved. Would I be terrible to do this? My dd slept through from 8 weeks (was also breast fed) so have no experience of this.

Has anyone done this? How did you feel about it afterwards?

33k Tue 04-Aug-09 20:59:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GwarchodwrPlant Tue 04-Aug-09 21:07:43

I could write what you just wrote myself- I also have a 10mths old DS who is big for his age, is breastfed and has about 3 feeds a night. Only difference between us is tha I co-sleep so I do get a bit more sleep than you do.

I'm not suggesting you co-slep but I do know how it feels to be so desperate for an uniterupted nights sleep you will do anuthing!

But, as 33K said, they are only little for such a short space of time, it will pass. I think leaving them to cry is really quite cruel. A baby won't understand and will think you have just abandoned them. They stop crying because they learn to stop signalling (because nobody comes) and that is really quite sad. sad

I would just put up with it for a while longer. He will grow out of it. Hunger and sleep are not related either. He probably is capable of sleeping through the night but wants to reconnect with you. As he matures he will be able to drop the night feeds in his own time.

TheApprentice Tue 04-Aug-09 21:13:52

Hi, I do sympathise! My ds2 will be one on thursday and still regularly wakes, sometimes 4 times a night! I actually decided last weekend that I was not going to feed him in the night anymore (He eats for Britain and can manage just about anything even though he only has 4 teeth!). But I couldnt bear the thought of controlled crying. So what I decided to do was to let him cuddle in next to me to go back to sleep (theres a bed next to his cot), but not let him suckle. This has been v successful so far, he was suprisingly unbothered about no boob, its obviously just the comfort he wants. The next step, planned for this weekend is to persuade him to go back to sleep in his cot (albeit with me lying next to him).. This, i fear, is going to be harder!

The point I'm trying to make is that if you cant bear the thought of leaving your ds to cry then there are other options ,such as gradual withdrawal, to consider.

33k Tue 04-Aug-09 21:59:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zuzkah Tue 04-Aug-09 22:39:14

Hi. I feel for you too. But I guess Im the 'cruel' one
I did gradual withdrawal with my 10 months old. It worked at the beginning of the night but not during the night. I stopped bf at night gradually. Just shorten the time he's on a boob and then back to his cot. They need to retrain their stomach not to expect full feeds at night. I then expressed milk and thinned it with water. After let's say a week I only offered water at night. Once he wasn't expecting a feed at night we did the controlled crying. At 10 months they know you are permanent in their lives and you just need to come in in intervals and send a message that's it's sleep time. I never wanted to do controlled crying but it was a life saver for us and I'm so happy we did. I believe that you as a parent need to be ready to make a change in order to change your ds behaviour. Not many children will change their sleep routine on their own terms and you should be the one helping them to do this. At the end of the day it's better for you both. You both sleep better and your ds has got more relaxed and energetic mum around during the day!
I also recommend this book
Good luck with whatever you decide!

K999 Tue 04-Aug-09 22:42:09

Did CC at 12 weeks although dd2 was not bf at this stage. I got her into a routine during the day to make sure that she was getting enough feeds and naps and it only took 3 nights. Have never looked back...smile

MrsBadger Tue 04-Aug-09 22:46:41

you need Jay Gordon
[rummages]
here
is more about stopping cosleeping and bfing but the principles are applicable even when in a cot in another room.

worked a treat for us but dd was 18m when we tried it - I needed to stop night feeds to ttc.

nicewarmslippers Wed 05-Aug-09 13:10:56

you are so helpful

we were all set for trying last night just leaving to cry (I hadn't had any answers) then he slept through from 8 pm till 4:30 am!! I didn't feel I could brgrudge him a boob after 9 straight hours!! So maybe he just knoew I'd had enough and he needed to give me a night off (ubnformtaly sister wet the bed at 2 am but hey ho!)

I liked that article badger (we don't co sleep as none of us can sleep like that it seems) but I like the idea. Will try some of it

thanks again

hairymelons Wed 05-Aug-09 20:37:31

Hi
We've just read the No Cry Sleep Solution, it's been ace. Since we started we can now put 13mo DS down nearly asleep, whereas before he always fed until fast asleep. He's slept through the last couple of nights too! It's early days but I'd highly recommend it- I couldn't face CIO or CC and it's a good alternative.
Good luck!

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