Should we dump the dummy?(11 Posts)
Would be v grateful for your thoughts on this, please.
Our 5 month old son has a dummy for sleep. Until about 12 weeks old I used to feed him to sleep at night and during the day I would rock him in my arms or a pram or he would fall asleep on my shoulder. He got v big v fast and outgrew the pram - got too heavy to walk to sleep and he stopped finding my arms comfortable or found it too stimulating and would wake after feeding to sleep when moved. The upshot of all this was that the only non crying way of falling asleep was the dummy - which is very effective. Up til 12 weeks he slept like a dream and for long periods. Then (coinciding with the intro of the dummy but maybe just a coincidence) he started waking up A LOT at night - evening and early morning.
Now he will groan through the dummy to get off to sleep - which is crying really but I just can't hear it!
The thing is he goes off for naps pretty easily with the dummy or out in the pram (no crying at all). But in the evening will wake an hour after he goes to sleep and maybe a few times more but go straight back to sleep with the dummy. If he is hungry then I feed him (he won't accept the dummy)... but the dummy gets him from 5am to 6am or further so I am reluctant to get rid of it......
Without the dummy he is hard to soothe to sleep and will cry hard. Patting and stroking and shushing seems to make no difference to him. I am scared of dumping the dummy and having a crying baby who can't be soothed - who wakes up throughout the evening and night (in addition to the feeding)and cries.
If I let him cry himself to sleep will he get better at settling himself? Will the crying last less time as he gets used to it?
I would prefer to remove the dummy before he gets any older and missing the comfort even more - in case it is causing the wakings - but I fear the consequences!
SORRY for long post - it's been so much on my mind. Has anyone got any experience to share????? Is crying to sleep so terrible?
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE
I used a dummy from birth with my DD. To begin with during daytime naps as well at nighttimes. Then I began to let her cry a bit to sleep for the daytime naps, but for a maximum of 10 mins, and then I'd go in with the dummy if she was still bawling. Gradually she cried less, for about 3 to 4 mins and then dropped off without the dummy.
I did the same for nighttime but later on, and the dummy was harder to take away (went cold turkey in the end at 6 months) She used to wake in the night and the dummy was the easiest and quickest way to soothe her back to sleep. Eventually she stopped waking up.
I used a dummy with my DS1 until about 5 months of age. I used the "no cry sleep solution" method to wean DS1 off it, as I felt it was a bit mean to just go cold turkey when i'd given it him in the first place. What you do is remove the dummy as they are falling asleep- if they cry, put it back in, wait a little while and try again. The aim is for them to fall asleep without the dummy in. It is not a quick solution (took a few weeks) and at first i couldn't see it working as DS1 would cry each time, but after a while i would take it out once, he'd cry, i'd do it again, and he wouldn't. Then i took it away altogether and shushed him/stroked him if he got upset. Sometimes in the night i was too tired to hang around and do the removal, so i would just let him have it and focused on his naps and bedtime instead.
The only problem for us with the dummy was the constant night waking.
We got ourselves a sleepytot baby comforter and that did the trick.
I was never keen on using a dummy, but I had a 'sucky' baby and we ended up having for sleeping until ds was 3.3.
A friend of mine gave me a piece of advice that I shoud do what was best for me as well.... and a baby/toddler sleeping well benefits you no end and if that means a dummy then so be it.
But I was more than ready to get rid of it by the time he was 2.5. (sometimes more stressful trying to find the farking thing at bedtime) So we talked to ds about giving it up for about 8 months and he ended up giving it to Santa who is using for the reindeer babies.
I suppose I could have bitten the bullet and got rid of it when he was smaller, but I didn't and although he had it for longer than I would have ideally liked, when he did give it up, it was his choice and its never been mentioned since.
So the long and the short of all that is I think, don't forget to do what is best for you too...
thank you all for your thoughts - still wondering what to do.....
I am haunted by the idea of him crying for a long time because he doesn't know how to fall asleep... and this is sleep training but he is young for it. But then it would be unkind to take the dummy away from him when he is any older. Horns of a dilemma.
Also he wakes up a lot in the early hours of the morning (4.30 - 5am onwards) and I don't want to have to start the day then - having removed the thing that gers him back to sleep.
Do you think the dummy is causing him to wake - when he comes into a light sleep? His father thinks so. I don't know. Do some babies just wake up a lot?
thank you all.
Mine had dummies until they were over two... never in the day(except for sleeps) and at bedtime. They gave theirs to FC in exchange for something lovely. Neither of my two very happy settled boys asked once when their dummies were taken, they had entered and understood the agreement with FC.
I loved the dummy, my two youngest have never had one grrrr, this has meant much more work for me.
dycey- we took the dummy away from my DD and DS1 at around 5 months because we thought it was leading to them waking up for it. Things definitely improved without the dummy. DD found her thumb so was able to suck that to sleep. DS quickly learned to go to sleep without it and there wasn't much crying because i used the no cry sleep solution method.
Thanks again - yes think we should give it a go.
Pulapula - will try the no cry sleep solution way. That makes me feel better.... He is often crying with the dummy anyway - it is losing its effectiveness for instant soothing - so perhaps it would be kinder to teach him how to fall asleep now rather than later.
Just wondering how to soothe in the night without necessarily feeding him? I still feed him at 4 hourly intervals anyway.
How do people settle their babies to sleep without dummies and without holding and rocking??
Dycey- once you ditch the dummy you will find other ways - friends used to be amazed that we would just go into our little ones and say "shush, sleepy time", stroke their face, pat their back etc and they would resettle.
I co sleep with my no dummy babies. I can't think of giving up a dummy if it helps baby. My dummy suckers were settled babies though, even without dummies they would just fall asleep and rarely cried. And I mean rarely, not with injections, tiredness or hunger. This is why I had four, little did I know dcs3&4 would seriously make up for my good fortune.
PS None of mine have ever found their thumbs a comfort. And at five months there is no behaviour, only need.
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