Hi,
I hope things have got better by now for you (i've only just discovered mumsnet!) but i thought i'd write and tell you everything we had to do to get bedtime to be a book,kiss, lights out, sleep.
when our dd (now 2 and half) moved from cot to bed we had to stay with her in the dark stroking her face for up to 2 hours then we started not touching her or talking then we moved to standing near the door, to then pulling door to (not fully closed) and pottering around our bedroom for a bit. She use to come out of her bedroom cos she knew that we were still around and it became a game so we started closing the door; if she came to door and screamed we'd go in and put her back into bed, give her a kiss say night night so we stopped being upstairs. after closing her door we'd turn landing light off and come downstairs straight away. she obviously heard us do this and it was rare for her to cry for us.Now we read 2 books (one by dad, one by me and dd chooses which ones we read) then we tell her it is time to sleep now, she lies down, we give her a kiss, say night, night, see you in the morning, turn the light out then close the door - properly.
i found that when we had routine sorted and she stayed at nanna's for one night it all went out of the window. Nanna was letting her stay up late, fall asleep on sofa or nanna was laying with her on the bed till she slept. I told nanna off! explained how much this was distrupting our evenings and now nanna does things our way too.
when nanna had changed dd's bedtime i started letting dd sit in bed with about 4 books and let her read them to her teddies (but i'd turn the light off so she'd read in dwindling light from outside!!) after a little while she'd drop off but never got out of bed, then i'd just check her an hour later and move the books.But that got to the stage where she'd scream cos she wanted another book getting or she'd dropped one off the bed and we were back to her still being awake at 10pm so we stopped doing it. told her it was too late to stay up reading books, mummy and daddy will read 2 books then it is time to lie down and sleep. tomorrow we can read the other books. and it worked. now she is in bed at 6:45ish and we are back downstairs by 7pm and we don't hear a peep till morning.
I know it seems cruel and upsetting sometimes but it is better for her that you stick to your guns with her and remember you don't need to be there at every single bedtime. if your tired or feeling ill; go to bed and close the door or for a bath and just ignore your dd. Your hubby can manage. If this doesn't work for you (use to annoy me that dh doesn't do things the same way as me) go for a short walk - even to end of garden! you can't hear whats happening then. Be firm, put her into bed and tuck the covers tight or sit in the way so she can't get out of bed, tell her that your gonna read 2 books then it's time to lie down and sleep and do that. when she lies down tell her that she's a good girl and you will see her in the morning, quickly give her a kiss, turn light off and close the door behind you. no messing. if she gets out of bed either let her cry for 10 mins or deal with it quickly. don't loiter!
sorry, just read all that back and i sound proper bossy but i was like you. didn't sit down till gone 10pm, couldn't eat cos i was so tired and miserable. now we all eat tea together (even though 5:30 is too early for me to eat i have a bit so that we are all included) dh takes dd for a bath whilst i do a quick tidy and read a book for 5 mins then i get bedroom ready, pj's out, dim lights etc then i supervise (!) whilst she gets dressed and chooses books (cos otherwise dh would wind her up and make her hyper!) so i'm the clock watcher and bully them both along so we can be downstairs enjoying peace and quiet quickly.
gonna shut up now!
Hope everything goes well for you all
x