controlled crying or pick up put down(29 Posts)
help, i really need to sort my one year olds sleeping out, for the last 3 months he's been waking and wanted comforting sometimes up to 3 hours worth!!. i've been putting this down to a combination of getting over croup and teething but it isn't funny anymore, we both need more sleep, i'm not sure which method is best, any advice would be greatly appreciated.
i think the pick up put down tecnique would be worth a try, just put him in his crib and let im cry for say 10mins then go into him pick him up wait unitll he stops then put him streight sown then leave for 10mins again gradually getting linger we got to 30 mins with our ds and he was asleep, i know everybody doesnt agree with this but sometimes its the only thing to do. hope you have some luck.
we did pu/pd for up to 8 months, which worked really well, but not too good after he learnt to stand up in the cot, so after that, when we had a few issues, we tried Richard Ferber's "Solving your child's sleep problems" (available on Amazon), which worked a treat
I have done the PUPD thing and it has been ok. Ds2 is 16 mths and even with this method, last week he was pushing it, but I was worried that he'd cry until he was sick and at that point I gave in and brought him in with us just for some sleep. However, this couldn't go on as dh and I were both suffering from lack of sleep, so after four nights of waking at 5am and not wanting to settle again, I decided enough was enough and did the PUPd a few times, but he wasn't having any of it and got worked up enough to wretch. I have now discovered though that that is the worst thing that can happen, and he can come to no harm if he does vomit, so I let him , then I went in, sorted him out, (he hadn't actually been sick, but had wretched, then put him down again without fussing. He immediately went back to sleep, as there was nothing else he could do then to get my attention iyswim. He has settled himself on waking early ever since to my total amazement!! I'd have felt guilty if he actually had been sick, but really wanted to get the message across that this wasn't on, and would have done the same thing, sorted him out and put him back, smelly room or not! It seems to have worked. HTH
I've recently had a consultation with a sleep expert who recommends pu/pd. She believes that controlled crying can break the trust between parent & child, and as she is a psychologist I think she knows what she is talking about. I haven't started the pu/pd yet as dd2 has been too poorly but hope to start soon. Bad luck on the croup, that is awful - our dd1 had it and it does take them a while to recover from it.
Sorry ionesmum- but what rubbish about controlled crying. We did this with dd1 at 6mths. She is now 7 and is the happiest, brightest most loving child you could ever wish to meet (and always has been). The point is you don't leave a child crying for hours on end - if you do it correctly it can work like a dream. She was sleeping through the night after two nights and we have had not one single problem with bedtime or sleeping since.
bonym - I think for some children cc can work. However, it's not for everyone, and it certainly isn't for us. And if someone who really knows what they are talking about advises me against it (which goes pretty much with my instincts on what is right for our dd) then I won't do it. Also, she doesn't mean that if you damage the trust between you using cc your child will still be bothered by it when they are seven, but that you will find it harder to find a sleep solution when they are babies because they are even more reluctant to let you leave and see their cot as a nasty place! She's not claiming it damages them for life!
Yes - but what I am saying is it didn't damage the trust between us as it worked after 2 nights and she was then very happy to go to sleep on her own. I get a bit upset when these "experts" slate cc as I feel it is intimating that I was a bad mother to do it, when I know that there was no detrimental effect on my dd. I agree though that it probably depends on the child - my dd was a v. happy and contented baby from the word go, a more "touchy" or unhappy child might not respond so well. Everyone's baby is different and what is right for one child and family will not be right for another, but there are other "experts" who advocate cc and who is to say that one is right and another wrong? I can only judge from my own experience.
I don't think anyone is saying someone is a bad mother for doing cc. But if a situation is such that we have to speak to a sleep consultamnt then cc isn't likely to be for us. I have friends who have done cc and swear by it, and I have friends who have tried cc after having used it successfully and found with later children it doesn't work. If it works quickly (as it did for you) then it is obviously the right choice, but if it doesn't, then I do think it is unwise. I am sure it would really upset our dd2, but then she is that bit older at 14 mo.
I'm with you bonym, I'm a baby consultant and specialize in children's sleep problems, and I practice both methods pu/pd and cc, which one I use, depends on how strong the parents are!, they usually have a preference. In my years of experiance cc does not break the trust between parents and child, if anything it gains it, when done properly, the child always knows the parents are close by and that they are just being taught a new way of falling asleep.
Homedad, the answer to your question, both methods are effective and if used consitstently both work.
CC works alot quicker, as the method used involves less confusion to the child,
pu/pd often takes alot longer, and can be more upsetting for the parents, as holding your sobbing child until he/she calms down, and then to leave in the cot, can prove heart wrenching.
I know how hard it is either way, with a child of my own, I used cc, but having the knowledge before hand , I practised it as a preventive rather than a cure to bad sleeping, I always made sure, I put my baby down awake.
Lonesmum..I am quite shocked that a sleep consultant, would make such an accusation, what she said is utter rubbish, and many sleep proffesionals would strongly disagree with her. It will be interesting if her methods she has taught you will work. good luck , hope so
crazy, my dd can run around her cot in her growbag with her arms outstretched to me as I try to leave the room! Now that is heartwrenching!
I guess it all proves what bonym said, that experts differ and you have to go with what you, the parent believe. I am very happy with the choice we have made and am very sure it will work for us.
Have to say though, I wish I'd been consistent in the first palce with putting dd2 down awake, she did at first but a winter of illness has taken its toll.
I'm sure it's going to work, for you to be addressing the problem, is the best start, and from here on stick with it and don't go back.
(btw that should be Grobag, not growbag - she's not a tomato )
would cc still work if he stands screaming in his cot? i always thought that it was for younger children. i want to use the method that causes least stress to my boy so i'm thinking cc as this sounds like it takes less time. whichever way we try we're gonna do it this weekend.
Hi homedad - yes cc should still work, I would suggest laying him back down again each time you go in, but don't speak to him or make eye-contact. You should try not to show any emotion (easier said than done I know )
I've done cc plus lying them down each time, it was great for a week (night 1 took 35 minutes, nights 2, 3, 4, 5 and 6 there were no wakings) but after that he stated a major teething bout and I don't feel you can cc with teething myself. wouldn't hesitate to have another go though. Hope it works for you homedad. we always use the ferber 'gentler' timings, i.e. first visit, then second visit after 1 minute, third after 2 minutes, fourth after 3 minutes, then 5, 7, 10 and that's as far as I go although ferber goes to 15.
my ds is 11 now and a lovely happy child etc and we did cc after 11 months of NO sleep at all It worked in 3 days and we never looked back
Sorry just started a thread on the same subject before seeing this one.
We tried cc at 7 months and after 5 nights dd was still crying for upto 2hrs. We kept going in every 5 mins, 7 mins etc. In the end we gave up. But she has still never slept well and now at 1 year is still waking twice each night. Weve tried not taking her out of the cot and standing there rubbing her back but she scream if you move away from the cot and it was taking 2hrs each waking to get her back to sleep. After 4hrs sleep a night for the past week last night we decided to start a combo of cc and pu/pd. If we do cc she makes herself sick so what weve been doing is when she wakes, going in and laying her back down, then leave the room, wait until she stands and go back in and lay her down, etc etc.. last night was the first night and she woke at 4am and it took 1 hour. We didnt get the constant crying like you do with cc but as it was the first night im not sure how successful its going to be.
hope this helps.
hi, thanks for all your coments, last night was first night of cc and it wasn't as bad as i expected. it took him 19 mins to get to sleep first time and he slept for 5 hours, second time it took 50mins and he slept for 3 hours. i'm hoping that he will pick it up quite quickly because befor he was ill he was brilliant at going to bed and sleeping through(won't hold my breath tho). lets see what he does tonight!
Hi homedad - glad to hear you've made a good start . Hope it goes well again tonight. Let us know how you get on!
hi, saturday night went quite well he cried for about 10mins when i put him down and only woke up once for about 20mins. sunday night he only cried for about a 1min when i put him down and DIDN'T WAKE AT ALL during the night. the only thing now is he seams not to like his room in the daytime but i guess he will get over that when he's used to sleeping in his room a bit more.
well done hope tonigh goes well.
Youll have to let me know your secret. We still get crying for 1 hour every waking every night
after reading this board for the first time yesterday. i signed up. my son is almost ten months old and i have just stated controlled crying tonoght. after 5 mins i went to check on him and he had been sick. this did not suprise me as every time i have left him before he as been sick. This time i just changed the bed gave him a short kiss and put him back in his cot. was this the right thing to do as he continued to scream.?
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