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9 month old standing up in the cot and crying and bedtime - what's the best thing to do?

(14 Posts)
aboveaveragemum Mon 15-Jun-09 18:03:35

Up until last week my lo was put into his cot after a story, I'd leave the room and he'd scramble about a bit then fall asleep (no tears). Now he can pull himself up to standing he does this pretty much instantly, however tired and ready for sleep he is - then gets stuck and starts crying. I've been going back in and laying him back down, stroking in his head to relax him again but he gets himself into a real state and won't fall asleep until utterly exhausted - does anyone have any advice? I'm sure / hope it's a phase and we'll get through it - but how long will it last?!! I'd been enjoying bedtime so much sad

MamaMaiasaura Mon 15-Jun-09 22:09:25

I nurse ds2 to sleep still (at 18 months old) but if your not nursing how about cuddling him to sleep? I know alot of advice thrown around nowadays is that baby must sleep on own etc etc, but why? Ds1 is 9 years old and as he got older he went to sleep on own. Not rod for own back imo,

You'd probably enjoy him being happy and sleepy with you than screaming and crying without you too. He just wants you and doenst understand why you arent there with him. hth xx

neenztwinz Mon 15-Jun-09 22:18:07

Aboveaveragemum, you could try teaching him to lie himself down from standing. Every time you put him in the cot, just stand him up in it and try to encourage him to lie himself down iyswim.

Unfortunately this is common. I used to just keep going in every five or ten minutes, lie them back down and say a firm 'time to sleep now' and then walk back out. Eventually they got the idea. But a lot of books recommend not even doing that, not lying them back down, just going back in every few minutes so they know you are there and they are not alone, and letting them sort it for themselves. Good luck.

aboveaveragemum Tue 16-Jun-09 06:47:31

Awen, I'd tried cuddling - he does calm down but then wriggles like an eel in my arms because now he's so used to being able to move about in the process of falling asleep, I find it hard to hold him! I think I'm going to have to do the in and out thing a la neenztwinz. Not sure I could just shut the door and leave. But thank you!

blondissimo Tue 16-Jun-09 06:56:43

I used to leave my ds to sleep in his cot alone and he was really good at this (he also used to sleep through the night - which he no longer doesangry) but ever since he started crawling and pulling himself up, it has got more and more difficult to settle him.
I must admit, I was dead against cuddling to sleep, but I do it every night and at every nap now, as otherwise I will just spend ages putting him back down, just for him to get straight up again.
He does wriggle a lot when I cuddle him, but I whisper him a story and just keep pulling him back to me when he tries to crawl off, and eventually he falls asleep. Then I carry him into his cot - he never wakes up.
I know it's not ideal, but it works for me at the moment.

lucysnowe Tue 16-Jun-09 09:16:10

My DD started doing that and I think it was her molars coming in - she was able to ignore the pain mostly but remembered it when she was alone and had to try to sleep. You could see if it's the case with your DS.

MamaMaiasaura Tue 16-Jun-09 09:18:18

I know what you mean about the wriggling, ds2 does this when really upset. I tend to do what blondissimo does and sooth and talk gently etc. It is tricky though i know. Not judging you for doing the in and out method. Just wanted to say that staying with them isnt really bad, just modern society dictating that we must be seperate (comes down from the rich farming out childcare and queen victoria using basketg for babies to sleep in, then the less well off aspiring to the lifestyle mimicking). But i know lots of people do it the way neenztwinz describe, but there is other ways too

neenztwinz Tue 16-Jun-09 09:56:40

I actually think modern society is more leaning towards never leaving a baby to cry. A lot of mums I know rock their babies to sleep. I feel in the minority in that I have always encouraged my twins to get themselves to sleep. It was kind of a necessity with twins but I would have been the same with just one baby. It is not anything to do with society - it is to do with needing my sleep and not wanting two babies waking up all night crying for me to resettle them.

Aboveaveragemum, IMO these phases don't last long, just be consistent and it should take no longer than a week for him to realise that standing up in the cot and shouting for you isn't going to get him anywhere. He is just getting older and trying things out on you to see what works. If you go back to picking him up and rocking him etc you may be doing that with him for a long time, cos of course he will like it, and when you try to break the cycle in the future you will only get days and days of him standing up in the cot etc. Better IMO to teach him now that standing in the cot isn't going to get him anywhere. It won't take long. And then in a couple of months he'll start trying something different! As long as you keep going in to him to comfort him and let him know you are there, he will be fine.

aboveaveragemum Tue 16-Jun-09 13:43:20

Thanks again ladies. This stuff is all so emotive and personal, but I've found that for me and my lo, a sort of compromise between the two approaches (leaving to cry vs. bfing / rocking to sleep, which I did do for quite a while) has worked best so far....

JessJess3908 Tue 16-Jun-09 14:13:24

I went through this with DD - and dealt with it with a mix of laying her back down or bf to sleep when she had worked herself up into too much of a state. Within a few weeks she had learned how to get down again so bedtimes are almost back to how they were. Naps in the cot are still an issue tho - she is currently asleep on my lap wink Try not to worry, it won't last.

neenztwinz Tue 16-Jun-09 16:17:02

Yes, your instinct is your secret weapon! It sounds to me like you are using it wisely smile

aboveaveragemum Tue 16-Jun-09 17:59:23

OK, an update: this morning I did as neenz suggested and it was 15 mins before lo fell asleep. Tonight (live abroad so an hour ahead of all of you!) I put him in his cot after story / cuddle / night night, left as usual... he definitely stood up - I was standing outside the door so could hear him - then lay back down again and fell asleep with no tears at all! I think I've figured out that my baby really DOES need to be left to his own devices a bit - I fed him to sleep until it stopped working, at around 6-7 months, and since then he seems to need his time to wriggle about, get comfy, explore his cot a bit.

Anyway, thanks again for all the advice - hopefully he's cracked it... at least until he works out how to climb out!?

aboveaveragemum Tue 16-Jun-09 18:00:51

just saw your post neenz smile!

neenztwinz Tue 16-Jun-09 20:42:06

Well done! My DS is the same - he likes to be left alone to get himself to sleep. One night MIL was babysitting and we got home to find her pacing the nursery with him as he had woken up and she was trying to get him back to sleep. He has been crying for two hours! I took him, gave him a kiss on the head, put him in the cot and he just rolled over, put his thumb in and went to sleep grin

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