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Should babies be left to cry? Good article to read

(26 Posts)
mears Tue 09-Jun-09 22:04:01


RoseOfTheOrient Wed 10-Jun-09 06:35:28

I read that too - bumping for a new day!

BennyAndJoon Wed 10-Jun-09 07:03:18

Good article

aGalChangedHerName Wed 10-Jun-09 07:08:10

Nice article. Seems like a no brainer idea doesn't it?

DaddyJ Wed 10-Jun-09 07:08:25

'popular fashions of the moment'
Dr Ferber wrote his book, what, 30 years ago?

I know Dr Stoppard has revised books to promote
but it'd be nice if she tried to keep up.

Fear does sell, though, so QUICK go and buy her book wink

belgo Wed 10-Jun-09 07:08:43

'It follows that the best kind of mother is one who hugs her child when she feels the child needs a hug, who lifts her child when she thinks that her child wants to be picked up and who puts her down when she thinks her baby is ready for sleep. The same mother will feed her baby when he's hungry (and not clock watch) and let him sleep when she senses he's tired.'

It's the last point that I am absolutely hopeless at. I think I encourage my children to be bad sleepers by not putting then down when they are tired - I find it very heard to know when they are tired.

dorisbonkers Wed 10-Jun-09 10:50:48

I also find it hard Belgo! But I do go back to bed with her (she needs bf to sleep or nap) at least twice a day or walk her around in a wrap and she sleeps. I've sort of sensed that when she gets a little more hyper and shouty (she's 7 months) she's on her way to being tired. When she rubs her eyes she's definitely tired!

CherryChoc Wed 10-Jun-09 16:34:40

Is that article written by Miriam Stoppard?? I have a mini magazine from the Tesco baby club which is "all about your 0-3 month old" where she touts Controlled Crying as the way to "help" your baby sleep! Also her description of CC in the first paragraph describes Crying-It-Out or Crying Down, not CC.

I agree 100% with what the article is trying to say but it comes across a bit oddly to me.

dorisbonkers Thu 11-Jun-09 10:26:04

Controlled crying is just a form of crying it out, surely. It just sounds better and is arguably less harsh.

dorisbonkers Thu 11-Jun-09 10:27:05

Isn't Miriam Stoppard she who recommended getting a sink installed in your baby's room?

(Still agree with the article though)

Pingpong Thu 11-Jun-09 10:36:06

ooooh I'm going to print the article out for DH. We almost came to blows over this at Christmas when DD was crying in the night. I refused to do cry it out or controlled crying and bought the No Cry Sleep Solution. This article has all the reasons why I chose that route but couldn't articulate myself.

PuzzleRocks Thu 11-Jun-09 10:36:38

Fab article.

PuzzleRocks Thu 11-Jun-09 10:42:31

DaddyJ - What fear?
And those of us who agree with her are the same parents who are unlikely to buy any parenting manual as we follow our instincts not regimes.

BarrelOfMonkeys Mon 15-Jun-09 20:18:30

Is it only me that read that article and felt like it was an extra guilt-trip for mothers of babies with colic? 'If you can't stop them crying you'll mess up their brains forever'...?

rusmum Mon 15-Jun-09 21:38:03

O K mow i feel sh@@

DD is 10 months and have been controlled crying for 5 nights.

1- 1 hour
2- 30 mins
3- 20 mins
4 - 20 mins
tonight 10 mins

i go back and soothe every 5 mins or so but she does go to sleep (and stays asleep)

I feel sooo much better with time in an evening and no baby in my bed. I also have time with dd1!!!!

neenztwinz Mon 15-Jun-09 22:31:04

You are doing the right thing rusmum - don't feel sh*t. There is nothing wrong with encouraging your baby to teach herself to sleep. I know this is not a popular idea on MN, but the very fact that tonight she was asleep in 10mins shows there is nothing wrong with her, she doesn't need anything from you, she just needs to be left to drop off on her own. Well done, enjoy your free evenings smile.

TrinityRhino Mon 15-Jun-09 22:34:28

lovely thread till the end

neenztwinz Mon 15-Jun-09 22:36:49

A distinction needs to be made as to what is a 'baby'? A 0-6mo? Yes, CC is not effective IMO on a baby that young. But after six months, well I found it very quick and effective and feel quite confident that I have not damaged my babies. And the nearer they are to 1yo, the more effective CC is.

I have used CC loads of times and would do again. My babies sleep really well and we are all much happier for it.

chandellina Mon 15-Jun-09 22:39:03

i think it's BS, since there is absolutely no way to measure how much crying would prompt this alleged insecurity, and how many cuddles counteract it. The article is theory, not science.

I used "cry it out" with my son when he was about 8 months old to cut back on night feeds/waking. It worked a charm within days and he now goes down without a peep and sleeps through.

However, he sometimes will have long bouts of crying during the day for absolutely no reason other than being a bit bored. I can't always comfort him but i certainly don't think he is scarred by it.

TrinityRhino Mon 15-Jun-09 22:46:44

long bouts of crying because of bored

yeah right

I must leave now

TrinityRhino Mon 15-Jun-09 22:47:08

being bored

now I'm really going

chandellina Mon 15-Jun-09 23:07:18

what's your problem?

weebump Mon 15-Jun-09 23:24:02

Yes, another article to make anyone feel guilty who can't tell if their baby is hungry/ tired, and who's baby doesn't magically fall asleep when gently placed in their cot...

I don't think she's talking about controlled crying, at least not as I understand it - letting baby cry for a certain length of time before going in and comforting them. I think she's talking about crying it out, where baby is left to cry until it gives up, which I can understand being stressful.

All I know is that the happy, loved, intelligent, sociable baby she described at the end of her article reflects my dd absolutely. We 'trained' her with controlled crying at 3 months, and it worked for us. She is a very confident, independent and well balanced child. And very much loved.

neenztwinz Tue 16-Jun-09 09:44:20

I think the article is generic and lazy. The first paragraph seems to say 'controlled crying is the modern new thing that everyone is talking about and doing'. Bollox. As DaddyJ said, Ferber wrote about cc 30 years ago and CC is described in 90% of baby/toddler books and is recommended by HVs as the only method of sleep training that works consistently on the majority of babies. Most of our parents' generation used it on us, too.

Each to their own, if you do not mind spending hours cuddling/rocking/feeding your babies back to sleep, then don't use CC, but most people, after a year or more of sleepless nights, need to find a way to get their babies to sleep on their own, and cc is it.

Milsy Tue 16-Jun-09 17:17:11

Good response to this article at

I thought so anyway. Touchy subjectwink

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