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21mth old going to bed and naps gone wrong!!

(16 Posts)
Elliejane Fri 05-Jun-09 13:22:05

Hi
I am new to this site but really need some help. I have a 21mth old son who has never been the best sleep as a baby until about 1 year old when it all changed for better. However I now have a new problem that I have not had in months. He makes a right fuss going down to bed at night. This started last Sunday.

What he used to do was have his routine then put him in his cot and he took 2 teddies cuddled up and said night night and that was that not a sound out of him. If on rare times he did make a noise if I said sssh on intercom he stopped right away.

However now for past 5 nights he has made a right fuss soon as I lay him down he cries mummy mummy cuddle cuddle to give him one but he just keeps wanting more and more so I leave then he just cries mummy mummy. First few nights I went back in again after few mintues but that just made him even more hysterical when I left so ended up just speaking on monitor a bit (which also made him cry louder) then just left him. He was fine with day sleep though. Then on Wed night he went down totally fine back to normal and thought that was that. Last night though he was back to crying again but not hysterical just more whinging and little cries . Today though at naptime it was a right fuss wanting cuddles and cuddles and then same as it was at night. This is first time he has done it in day time. Just dreading tonight again

Guess want to get help on what do and why folk think this has happened out of the blue!! Why has daytime gone funny also now. Is is just a phase as he wants to be up and with me more or what.

Do I carry on just leaving him to cry and hope it passes . If I go back in it makes it 100times worse and drags it all out. Feel so sorry for him though but know he is totally fine and not ill etc.

Any help or ideas? Do not want to get in habit of having to assist him to sleep with a cuddle till he drops off or standing in his room for ages as know some friends who ae doing that still with 4year olds etc

Anyone help would be grateful

Thanks

Ellie

6inchnipples Fri 05-Jun-09 14:44:11

Hi. In my experience they all go thru phases of not wanting to go to sleep. Even my 4 (nearly 5) yo still has phases of being a pian at bed time, currently doing the '5 more minutes' whinging.

I would say ride it out, Just carry on doing your routine, be calm but firm and do the bare minimum you need to do outwith the usual routine iykwim.

My 2 year old still has phases of acting up for sleep times. Sometimes goes to bed beautifully other times its a complete fuss 'i want milk' 'i want you in my bed' Used to have the ' i want to sleep ion your bed' too but i just didn't ever entertain that once they had moved to their own room. (we co sleep for first 18mnths but once they are out, they are out!!)

So perseverance is the key in my opinion. Probably just a clingy phase, my 8 mnth old going thru a phase of Vrying when i walk out her sight, in her sight or past her, and wanting a nipple in her mouth while she sleeps. It'll pass but there are times i feel i'm going to buckle from lack of sleep/patience.
For me (and i know this may sound a little sad/morbid)when it gets tough, i try and remind myself of all the people i know who have lost a child and how they would give anything to hold and comfort their child now and try to just feel lucky that i can, even if it is at 3am when i'm so desperate to sleep i could cry. It may sound sad but it helps me get thru difficult times. I find sleep deprivation very hard and tough times call for tough measures!

Good luck.

6inchnipples Fri 05-Jun-09 14:45:52

Vrying?? Mmm crying that should be!!

Elliejane Fri 05-Jun-09 19:05:55

Here we go again. Just put him down and as usual for past few nights soon as I lay him down it is mummy I just said sleep now night night and left. If I keep going back he only gets worse. It is so hard as he has never done this before. Should I go in again or what? Just do not know . Does not seem to work going back in just prolong it all. That is 2minutes now last night was 20 and longest has been 40 but have been in twice that times. Hate this so much. Just cannot understand why it happened all of a sudden that is most annoying thing

Ellie

6inchnipples Fri 05-Jun-09 19:24:23

unfortunately thats just what always happens, you think you've got it sussed then all of a sudden it goes tits up.

With my 1st i spent ages trying to work out why things happened, what triggered sleepless nights etc, by the 3rd i knew that i would never know the answer and now i don't even look for one. Its all guess work.

Elliejane Fri 05-Jun-09 19:27:40

Thanks that was 20mins it took tonight was never a hysterical cry just a mummmy mummy moaning noise that peaked about 10mins into sort of cry so spoke on intercom then just got less and less as he fell asleep, feel so guilty though for not going in room again but if I had it would still be going on now and probably another 30mins after that. Do you think it is ok just to be firm say good night give him a cuddle and leave and only go back in if he gets really hysterical . I did talk to him on monitor but sound of my voice just made him cry more!

Really hard

Ellie

6inchnipples Fri 05-Jun-09 19:43:12

I think its absolutely fine to say a firm goodnight and only go in if gets hysterical.
I don't believe in cc but i do believe that sometimes they will cry no matter what and often its because they are just testing the boundries, esp around 18mnths to 2.5. I think you just have to be firm and say 'no sorry darling but its bed time, you need to sleep' Your little one is old enough to understand this.

Good luck, it'll pass before you know it.

Elliejane Sat 06-Jun-09 07:30:04

Hi

It has got even worse as now he has started to also do this in the night woke at 1145 last night screaming mummy mummy went in and he settled somewhat so left then had to go in again 5 to 10mins later as peaked again. Sat in his room till he went quiet then left then he started 30 sec later just left him this time as it was a lot quieter and he settled after 45mins in total then woke at 530 and did same again . Never went back to sleep got him up at 6. That was only 9hrs sleep all night. Just fed up with this constant mummy mummy that is 4 times a day yesterday at nap bedtime in mid of night and early waking. Least before it was only bed time. Any ideas???

Do not think there is any physical wrong could maybe be teething . During day he is also more clingy than before and having tantrums. Wish it woudl go back to what he was last week

Spoo Sat 06-Jun-09 07:41:38

He is obviously going through a clingy phase. I know it is hard and being woken in the night is really hard, but keep going. You might find it is something such as an illness coming on or teething (even though I know you say its not). I was going to suggest that he might need to drop his daytime sleep but I'm not so sure now you have had a rough night. Hope it gets better for you soon.

Elliejane Sat 06-Jun-09 12:51:36

Just put him down at 1228 for his nap and cried until 1245 . I went in twice in this time both times he asked for cuddle and cried more. What should I do. Go in or not go in? He gets worse when I go in? Cuddle him or not or what? Never had this before and will be same tonight. He was up at 530 so should have been tired.

Just do not get thing complete change of behaviour from just going to bed like an angel to being a complete and utter nightmare over night.

sad

6inchnipples Sun 07-Jun-09 23:12:37

Maybe you should try a diff approach. If he going thru clingy phase maybe just offer reassuarnce. Cuddle him to sleep on your lap or take him into bed, or set up a little bed on the floor and offer to hold his hand as he falls asleep.

If its just a phase he'll need it less and less and it should resolve itself and if it doesn't you can gradually work towards your routine again.

Personally if it were me i'd do whatever i had to to get as much sleep as possible.

Good luck, i know its not easy.

Elliejane Mon 08-Jun-09 12:40:46

He is getting better going to bed at night only 5mins this past 2 nights but in day he makes a right fuss. Just trying to be consistent though and doing cc for both just now for rest of week to see how it goes.Sure it is because he is just testing boundaries. Really tough as it si mintue I leave the room. Hate leaving him crying but when I go back in he just makes even more of a fuss.

LisaJasper Mon 08-Jun-09 12:54:30

This happened with my little boy at about 20 months, it was around the same time I had ds2 and I think everything became a bit unsettled for him (although most of my friends have had similar problems without new babies), he ended up dropping his daytime sleep and I brought his bedtime forward, he is so tired there are no tears!! In the night I just brought him into be with us as I was in no fit state to be up all night with a new baby and toddler, I just figured I'd deal with that problem when I was less tired - it was like 6inch said, the phase has stopped now and although he still doesn't want a daytime nap (even though some days he needs it) he sleeps through the night (most nights) in his own bed with no work from me whatsoever.
It is just a phase and will pass, but I know it is hard, just do what you feel is right!

gingertoo Mon 08-Jun-09 12:58:33

I went through this stage with my ds at about 19 months. He was causing a huge fuss when I left him, crying, huge tears and I made it much worse because I kept going back to him - I'm totally soft and struggle to listen to them cry. Anyway, one night during the sobbing stage, I couldn't go immediately to him as I was in the bathroom with ds2 who was being sick, but he could hear me so he quietened down - sort of waiting for me to come in I suppose - and fell asleep!! So the next night when I put him down, I didn't go straight downstairs, instead I stayed upstairs, cleaned round the bathroom, folded few towels, sorted clothes for next day etc so that he could hear that I was still around and bingo - he went to asleep! So it seems, in my ds's case, he wasn't playing up (as I thought he was) he was truly more settled knowing that I was around!

Don't know whether that would help you - but anything's worth a try!! Hope you get it sorted soon - it's sooo draining isn't it..

6inchnipples Mon 08-Jun-09 13:35:25

Agree with ging about pottering within sight/ear shot whilst they fall asleep, worked for us for a while with dd1.

i used to put laundry away. I'd start in their room so they knew what i was doing and then i'd leave their room kinda half talking to myself/them saying just got mummy and daddy's stuff to put away then that is me... If they called out i'd shout just a minute i'm just coming!

Elliejane Thu 11-Jun-09 20:50:17

Hi
Thanks for all your posts it really helps this is great website wish I had used it ages ago
Things have improved a lot at bedtime. He now in past few nights has settled really quickly. Will see how his nap is tomorrow.

However I have a problem with Early Waking and I mean early ie 445 today, 420 on Wed. On Wed he woke at 420 and babbled and half cried out every 5 to 10mins kept thinking he was back to sleep but he kept waking then eventually at 5 went back to sleep till 6. Today however he woke at 430 cried out for 30seconds then snoozed I assume till 445 then woke up crying and nothing I could do would get him back down to sleep so ended up taking him in my bed sonot to wake my other son. He was quieter but never slept. That was from 7 till 445 sleep

Any ideas on Early Waking personally I think it is the hardest issue with sleep to resolve . He has always been EWaker from about 13mths till April this year when following a trip away at Easter started to sleep 11.5 to 13hrs a night bliss but now this week we are back to 10hrs if that sleep a night!

Thanks

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